frustrated with DN's school

[mamateur]

We took over DN's care a few months ago at the start of term. He now lives with us permanently (no parents).

He has had no homework at all (apparently ) since the start of term, his planner is empty, and he says noone uses it, the teacher never looks at it etc.

If they don't do a homework they get a detention. But we never hear about this, unless then don't attend that detention, in which case we do get a call sometimes, to tell us they have a 'bigger' detention.

So basically, DN goes off to school and comes home again, but we have only his word for what goes on. He gets all his treats, computer time, favourite puds, cinema trips, because we have no reason to withhold them.

HOwever, DN is incredibly lazy and has always had a very bad attitude in class (reports from this and his previous school) and I just don't believe he's decided to knuckle down and behave himself. Much as I'd like to!

I left many messages and finally they have given us an appt. (without DN).

We're going to ask them to keep his planner up to date (it was much vaunted when we had our introductory meeting) or to have regular emails informing us of his progress and behaviour.

This is our only school option. It has an ofsted outstanding but I'm beginning to wonder how and why.

How old is he? (just wondering how much homework you are expecting iyswim)

He's year 8. I don't really mind how much he gets, but he must be getting something. It's the complete absence of a single piece of homework for months that strikes me as unlikely. And his behaviour, shouldn't we know how he's behaving in class, especially when it's been a problem before, and when DN has had a lot of upheaval.

My DS school was a bit like this-they thought that unless he did something really bad then there was no need to contact me-and when I go to collect him from school I can never catch he for a chat-

My DS is very lazy-I know he has homework bit he wouldnt tell you bout something he had to bring to school or a project or if it was a special day in the school. Likewise he wouldnt tell you bout his day-he would just say it was grand and I would give him treats etc.

I rang the school one day and they told me how disruptive everyday and all the things that I could have corrected easily had I been told.

So I went in and gave her a notebook-kind of like a diary and asked that she write something bout his day-even if it was 'he was good'. Then I got him the reward chart..Once he knew I was on to him and his behaviour-his improvement was unreal-He still has difficult days but no where near what it was..Its worth a try!

Absolutely Irishma,

What annoys me is they have seen the need for communication between parents and teachers, provided a planner, and then completely failed to implement it. DN is lazy, but he likes a quiet life, once we're on to him, I'm pretty sure he'll work a lot harder.

Okay, yes he should be having homework everyday then, none is really spectacularly unlikely!

I think with planners usually the idea is they have to write it down themselves (be responsible etc). However he's obviously been through a lot, and I think you should argue for some kind of special arrangement for him. Short-term, to get him back in the habit.

What if teachers signed his planner after every lesson to confirm he'd written his homework down?

Hope you and school can cone up with something. I think more people would be frustrated too.

DN is very good a being under the radar. He'll work out exactly the minimum he has to do to avoid major trouble.

As a year 8 they would expect the teenager to write down their own homework and be responsible for their diary.

Given your situation, I think the thing to do is be honest and ask what they can do to help you get a handle on the situation. As LaWeaselMys says, the idea of getting the teachers- and you- to sign off on his diary may be workable. I think a lot of schools do this when there is a problem with homework. It might also be possible for you to get reports from his teachers about his attitude/work rate in school.

By doing that you'll also make the teachers more aware of him and he might find it harder to hide!

The diary is supposed to be signed by the teacher at the end of each week, so they can see our comments etc. We are supposed to sign it at the end of every week.

I think it speaks very badly of a school that they set up a system they never implement.

The HOY instils no faith in me whatsoever. She is clearly out of her depth. On the school website staff list she's down as a TA so when that promotion happened I have no idea...

However bad it might be, if it's your only realistic school choice, I'd try to give them the benefit of the doubt. You want to get them on your side. If you don't have confidence in the head of year perhaps see the head as well. And his form tutor. Get them all there.

It's always a good idea to ask them what thay can do- what plans they can put in place. It puts the onus onto them and it avoids the criticism leading to defensiveness leading to handwashing Pontius Pilate stylee that often comes from these meetings.

The meeting was a total embarrassment for the school. THe Hoy was clearly out of her depth. She said she didn't know what had been happening with the homework, thought there might have been a misunderstanding, thought some homework might have been set but didn't really know by which teachers. She agreed the homework planner was a very good tool and it would be useful if it was applied. HOwever, we're not to worry, because DN is by no means the naughtiest child in the class. Riiiiiiiight!

We're arranged meetings with each of his core subject teachers.

DP was livid. She couldn't even tell us when there might be a parents evening.

Oh dear. Don't think somebody will have their HoY contract renewed.

The teacher's should be better, I'm sure they want him to do his homework as much as you do!

My sons Oustanding school has HLTA (higher level teaching assistants) as HOY, because they can then be around to answer phones etc. However they also have head of Key stages who are teachers, and take on some of the responsibility. Does your son have any contact with the SENCo? Maybe as emotional and behavioural difficulties? Maybe she is more pro-active. My children both have tags on their diaries which mean that teachers are supposed to ensure their homework is recorded correctly; one is dyslexic and has severe problems with writing the other has processing problems which means she can miss the point). A system such as this could at least alert he teachers to their being a problem.

Do keep a diary of your meetings with the school, especially recording any promises they make. Go for SMART targets (again see if you can get the SENCo involved, an IEP might help).

Good luck!

That's interesting mummytime, it was really confusing me that a TA could be a HOY but your version makes sense.

DN doesn't have any statement of needs although we have talked to the school about getting him some counselling for the loss of his parents.

She promised to schedule meetings with his teachers. Th most annoying thing she said was that she thought the whole misunderstanding was due to the fact that the homework schedule saying when each teacher was supposed to set homework had been delayed but was now out. So, teachers were so confused by the absence of a bit of paper they just didn't set any homework at all? Frankly she was inarticulate. I do agree his teachers will be better. I said if they couldn't implement their own homework planner scheme, I wanted regular email contact with his form teacher. She wrote it all down!

HOY are non teaching in some schools because TLRs (promotions) have to be justified on teaching and learning grounds. Would his form tutor be a better bet - or if you want to move up the chain, straight to the Deputy Head (Curriculum)?

As for OFSTED...don't get me started.