to want to make ex have supervised contact

[toody]

The last two times son 2yrs next week has seen dad he has come home saying mummy die, i know at his age language can be misunderstood but after two visits seems coincidence saying same. Not spoken to ex yet decided to see if it happens after next visit if it does want to tell ex he cannot see son unless i am there is this unrasonable

I think you're damned if you do on here and damned if you don't! Perfectstorm, you've just contradicted yourself in the same sentence - first you say you shouldn't stop a child seeing their father unless he is a danger to the child (I agree, BTW) and then in the next paragraph you say you wouldn't let your children go to an ex if you didn't have his address! FWIW I don't know my ex's address, I do know the rough locality (ie to a few streets) of where he lives though and TBH most of the time he seems to take him out places or to his friends' houses, he doesn't give me an itinerary of where they will be, so I don't think it makes much difference, because I don't know exactly where DS will be at any given time anyway. If he was going overnight I'd probably ask for the address I suppose as that's different.

I don't regard that as remotely contradictory. Unless there is a history of DV IMO both parents have the right to know where their child is based when in the care of the other parent. If my ex were unhappy to provide address information I would invite them to visit under my roof, or in a contact centre. Obviously in both parents are happy with alternative arrangements, that's their choice, but I wouldn't be.

My father tried to remove me from my mother's care when I was very small. It was exceedingly important that she knew his address in that situation, and I would never accept any alternative scenario - nor expect my ex to, either, of course. I'm glad you feel comfortable with your own arrangements, but personally I would not be. And I fail to see why that is inconsistent - both parties should have an address and a contact number for the other, because they are both responsible for the child's welfare.

Sorry chippingin not changed name must be someone else i have only been on forum a couple of weeks.
allnew i did say i wouldn't stop ex seeing son but in a strange way knowing that i could gives me the confidence to stand up to ex when needed for example i have agreed that he can see son christmas day this is no problem but he will not give me his address and i am not letting him go when i don't know where so i was able to stand up to ex and say if you don't tell me where he will be you can't see him.

as i have repeatedly said i would never stop ex seeing son he is most definitely not a pawn, i am the one who suggested ex sees son at his mums as he was never involved in looking after son when he lived with us his choice he asked that we weren't in same room as him as he needed space has no idea how to look after him so i am more than happy to take him to ex mums ex will not pick him up.

I also said that i knew what son said didn't warrant supervised contact but was upset and having a rant

yes of course she does but she would never standup to son if he did anything she didn't approve of.He is very controlling and has in the past told me i can never have new partner living with me without his permission cannot take son anywhere without his permission it was because of this i saw a solicitor who told me i make the decisions about when ex sees him as i said i would never stop him but now feel better able to stand up to him knowing this.

No we are not young his skills probably wont grow as he does nothing for son even his mum admits this

Hi Toody.

I am a Family lawyer, re supervised contact it is unlikely that you will achieve that simply on the basis of him telling your son that "mummy has died". Whilst I am in no doubt that your son hasn't conjured it up or that you are making it up, a court will take a much more objective approach surronding the young age and lively imagination.

I suggest a calm and frank conversation with the ex regarding approiate behaviour and if it continues instruct your solicitor to issue a warning letter. That should do the trick. And also obviously a reassuring conversation with DC.

Hope thats helpful! HUGS

Thanks all, well aware that i overeacted but was upset I do intend talking to ex if it happens again if it doesn't happen again will just forget about it and just enjoy my son.

I've been through something a little bit similar (DD's dad really really struggled with his life when she was born) so here's my suggestion: keep as little contact with your XP as you can - he clearly doesnt' want it anyway. Do foster a good relationship with his mother - your DS's granny, and invite her to the birhtday, arrange contact wiht her etc. She's the one who wants to keep in touch with your DS.

That way you're not giving your DS contact with someone who's harmful through not caring about him, but are still fostering a good relationship with the father's family, so your DS will have a link to that side of the family.

In time your XP may come to see the error of his ways and build a relationship with his son. Until then it's not in anybody's interest to force him to.

I am friendly with grandma unfortunately when i suggested XPs family come to birthday party XP immediately said no and told his sister to arrange their own party for the day after birthday as this was a Saturday his day for seeing him. I have gone along with this but i am hopeing in future to have one party for all family. I am concerned about XPs plans for party as his sister has recently moved and when I asked for her address XP was angry saying i don't need to know but I am uncomfortable with not knowing where son is, also want to ask XP what safety measures sister has in house but know if i ask he will go mad but i know she doesn't have stair gates (she has children 4 and 1) her youngest recently got into cupboard and drank cat/dog repellent and was hospitalised know i must ask XP but he will think i am getting at him then have to suffer endless texts telling me how selfish i am and refusing to let me take son on holiday and generally being unpleasant.