to not want my Dad and my Stepmum to have my son to stay over?

[ArrAitch]

This is my first post.. hello everyone. I think I'm looking for a mixture of opinions and advice, so I hope I'm in the right place.

My son is seventeen months old. He's a fairly good sleeper, but he still wakes occasionally in the night - just for cuddles, not for milk or anything - and when he does it's often only me who can settle him.

Recently my Dad and Stepmum have been nagging me to let him go and stay with them again (they had him to stay once a few weeks ago when DH and I went out with my brother and his girlfriend for a bit of a "couples" night). I'm not happy about this. Babysitting was one thing but DH and I rarely go out together so we don't need them to babysit all the time. They said it's so I can have a break, but they don't seem to understand that being a parent IS my break - I had a really crappy time of it up until I became a mother and there's nothing I enjoy more than spending time with my little man. I just don't feel right about sending my baby off to stay with someone else for "no reason". I know that they like seeing him, but so do I! I don't want to miss one single minute of his baby-hood because it flies by so quickly! They, of course, think I'm totally out of order and ridiculously possessive.

Am I?

YABU - they just want to love & enjoy him as well. They don't appear to be doing anything to put him at risk so why not let them have him occasionally? Would it kill you to let them enjoy him as well.

I know people get their knickers in a knot over this, but I am going to say it anyway - if you were to lose one of them or both of them next week how would you feel about your selfishness?

You don't have to 'sit in an empty flat missing him' FGS spend some quality time with your DH or go out. Being a Mummy martyr isn't necessary and it isn't attractive.

It benefits every child to have other adults they love & trust and are comfortable with. God forbid should anything happen to you, would you not want other people he feels safe and loved with? Children have endless love - it doesn't need to be rationed out or clung onto, he isn't going to love you any less for spending time with his Grandparents.

YANBU. Your child, do what feels right to you.

YANBU in my opinion, 17 months is still very young to be staying for the odd night here or there in a different environment, I'd be worried it would be really unsettling for him.

I firmly believe in following your gut instinct, if it doesn't intrinsically feel right then don't do it.

You just need to tell your Dad in a diplomatic way so he's not offended and it doesn't cause any ill feeling.

You are very lucky to have people who want to give you a break and who are offering to have your baby overnight. BUT if you don't need them to have him, why does he need to go? If they want a close relationship with him that can be forged by afternoons out or babysitting at your home if you want to go out for the evening or just for an afternoon by yourself.

I really don't see why your baby needs to sleep with your dad and step mum unless it is absolutely essential. Also, if you and dp want to go out or away for a day or two, wouldn't it be easier for the gps to come to your home where baby is secure and all the necessary equipment is to hand, ie, cot, clothes, changing stuff, toys, pram, etc.

YABU because of this "Babysitting was one thing but DH and I rarely go out together so we don't need them to babysit all the time" so it is ok to use them as a presumably free babysitting service but not to actually let them have him because they like spending time with him? Without that sentence I would have said YANBU BTW

I think it's good to get them staying over asap. My nephew is 7 and has never stayed away fro his parents- 1st they said too young- then toilet training- then spoil routine- then but he is a poor sleeper etc etc. What should have been a natural progression to independence has now become a really big thing....he goes on a school residential trip soon and unless he stays so where else this will be his first night away. Not good.

I agree with you Simbacatlives, my own Dcs have never stayed on their own at my parents because we live in different countries and I really think they are missing out a lot (both my Dcs and my parents). This is the only reason that makes me miss living in my birth country.

I think you are all bu and treating a child like some kind of toy to be fought over.

You are being way too possessive of him. At his age it's good for him to have other adults he has his own relationships with. Also it's not fair on him to have a mother who is so obsessed with him that she views a free night without him as some kind of punishment. He's his own little person, not an extension of you.

You parents are being ridiculous too - why the obsession with overnights? Why are they pushing so much?

How does your DH feel about this? Your mother?

Does anyone else think you are obsessed with your son in a way that isn't entirely fair on him?

I find peoples sense of entitlement breathtaking sometimes. Yes love your Grandchildren, yes offer to help, yes make them and their parents welcome to your home anytime, but no to pressurising a young mum into letting you have her baby overnight until she relents - and then going back in for more because its what you want. Tell them straight - you feel pressurised and you will maybe let him sleep when he's older and says he wants to sleep over and will know more whats going on around him.

I recently bumped into one of my step grandchildrens (who stays with us - and occasionally overnight) mum. She has a 15month old son with her new partner. I just happened to mention to her that she was welcome to bring him with his sister anytime and leave both with us etc.

She politely refused because her partner will not leave their baby with anyone apparently - not even his own mum. He is his first child and maybe thats why - I dont know.

I wouldnt have dreamt of then pressurising her and I will not be asking again. I simply said - 'well you know youre welcome to visit us anytime with him - it doesnt matter I understand'. I only said that much really because her daughter is my DHs biological grandchild and the little boy isnt and there was some acrimony when her and my DHs son split up - so it was just my way of letting her know that we consider them as a package and equally - IYSWIM.