to want to be told about flu risk?

[ThatllDoPig]

Really confused, please help!
Basically, last weekend there was an arranged get together for pub meal, with good family friends.
We found out when we got there that a family member of the people we were meeting couldn't make it as they were at home with flu. I felt pissed off, as my immune system is crap, I am pregnant, and have a toddler plus an older child. But I kept my feelings in, and got on with the meal. A couple of days later, both my kids were really ill with flu, then I got it, now DH. It has been a shit week.
My friend phoned the other day (now the others in her family have it too) and I said next time could she let me know so that I could make a choice. Basically, she got upset and although I backed down and apologised for saying anything (!), she sent a nasty text saying that I shouldn't have been thinking these horrible thoughts about her, and that I am 'bitter' to have these thoughts and that it couldn't have been her to infect us, as no-one was coughing on us, and she and the other family members became ill AFTER my kids.
I feel like shit and want to resolve things, but has ignored my return call so far.
AIBU to think that we should have been told first to make the decision to get together. the NHS website says that people can be infectious before they exhibit symptoms.
Don't want to fall out over this, but bloody hell.
Thinking about it I'm more upset by the nasty text than by the not being told thing. Horrible the strength of feeling around such a thing.

[peeringintothevoid]

Oh, and everything onimolap said.