My friend never answers my texts - rude or AIBU?

[DeathandTaxes]

Just taking this week as a sample case..

Monday, I ring her to say I will be going to the nearest big town, 30 mins away on tues, (she works there) and she says oh great, text me when you get there and we can meet for an early lunch.

So I text her 915am just to confirm I am there, (as roads had been bad with snow) and ask her to tell me where it suits her to meet me.

Hear nothing back till 12.30, when I have waited and planned where I am going around this meet up, and just get "sorry in meetings all day." Nothing else.

Feel a bit irritated that she didnt text me back a bit earlier, (she has an office job in a university, not like she doesnt have a minute here or there to send a message) Anyway, brush it off.

Next day (wed) I text her and invite her round the next nite, (thurs) as a mutual friend is going to be there who is going to New Zealand for a month over xmas and thought my friend might like to see her before she goes,this time I do get a reply saying that yes she will be there.

That night at 9.30 the doorbell goes, (I am in bed early with a sore back) my dh comes up a bit puzzled saying my friend has arrived up for our night in with other girl.

She didnt read the text right and got the night wrong, so I have to get up and entertain her till 10.30. She says that she will see me and our friend the next night but then just doesnt turn up and texts much later on that couldnt make it.

Dont really mind all that but what REALYY pisses me off is that we had been chatting about the SATC2 Film and how we would like to watch it some night.So yesterday, I picked it up in the dvd shop and texted her at 4pm to invite her round to watch it with me and have a couple of drinks.

She does not reply AT ALL. I then met her today down the town, and she just said "oh sorry I couldnt make it last night" I just brushed it aside, (though felt like saying why the fuck wouldnt you think to text) but didnt, but then she invited herself round here tonight instead, she knows my dh is away and seems to think I would like the company, but actually I would like to get to bed early as I sat up late last night cos I didnt put on the film till 9.30pm (just in case she turned up) and also, I feel pissed off with what I feel is kind of rude treatment of me, I would always respond if a friend invites me round, wouldnt just not bother so I cant be arsed to entertain her tonight, I should just have been more assertive but sort of said, oh ok, that would be nice then, see you later.

Thinking of texting an excuse to get out of it, AIBU??

Death the only thing you can do is explain to your friend how you feel when she doesn't respond to texts. Don't blame, or make assumptions, just let her know how it makes you feel.

If she's a good friend she will make more of a conscious effort.

I had a similar thing with my little sister, she complained to me the other day that ever sinse I started my new job I don't answer my phone or anser her texts. I explained to her that I put my phone on silent at work and then forget to turn it back on in the evening. I apologised and changed my phone settings so that when I leave work my phone automatically goes off silent, and I have started to make a more conscious effort to reply to texts immediately instead of thinking "I'll reply later/when I'm home/after supper" etc etc

If she hadn't told me how she felt, I would still be being crap.

You say that she will contact you when she has her next crisis. Well do you contact her when you have your crisis?

If the answers yes, then that IS a friendship.

Seems to me, your talking about how you operate in a friendship and how she operates in a friendship. You have a different take on friendship to her. Maybe this is a way to think of it; she speaks a different language to you.

There is a book out called Love Languages which deals with this. Have you heard of it?

I have heard of it I think, I heard it was very interesting, I will check it out, thanks.