Hi sorry if this is a long one.
BACKGROUND: I split with ex-p when DS 1 yo and have been single since.
Boyfriend - split with EX-DW 18 months ago. They had been childhood sweethearts married young and also had DS. He worked full-time and did 1 night a week DJ-ing which she didn't want him to do. Eventually they split as grew apart/ couldn't compromise over dj-ing. I met him at a charity event competition as he was the DJ and it was raising money for special school where I work. We became friends. 2 Months after split she finds out she's pg, and after discussion he wanted to try again and quit his dj-ing thinking that was the root of the original problem. He then got made redundant from his FT job. Being together all day didn't work and split was final.
3 months later we got together. He got a full-time job for more money and dj-s 1/2 times a week to make extra to give her some more on top of his maintenence - in short he's a fab dad. My ex-p doesn't see or pay for DS btw.
He has his DC's every weekend from Sat am until Sun lunchtime. Sometimes I'll stay round on a Sat night, but usually we meet altogether Saturday afternoon and the older DS's get on brilliantly. (they are 4 &6, youngest only 1yo).
About 3 months ago she popped round his as he some extra money for her. He told her I was there and she still wanted to come - probably curiosity.
When she came in her DS ran to mine and they went off and played, as I said hello the baby reached out to me. Now I understand how hard it must be for her but she started 'having a go' at me about how its alright for me etc, working and being able to afford weekend activities with DS and hers, and being with him who could afford to help me too. Somehow my political skills evolved and we ended up talking nicely and it turns out she felt trapped and wanted to return 2 days a week to her admin job. She put LO in nursery 1 day and her mum had him the other. Her DS goes to school and after club.
She only works 14 hours though and has been offered a job on Friday evenings at a pub/restaurant and if she takes it she'll be financially better off and on a different tax credit teir of something?
Now BF works 30 miles away and only gets home at 7pm but she has to start at 6pm. I have said that I will collect her DC's at 5pm from her and they could come round Friday until Sat/Sun (alternate 1/2 nights a week). He DJ-s alternate Fridays, sometimes on a Saturday too. Obviously this will mean a lot of extra work for me but I think if it helps his ex-w things will be better for everyone.
Boyfriend is very happy with the arrangement (he sees a future, us, house more kids etc!) and his ex-w is unsure - think it is because she sees us forming a family and its a big adjustment for her iyswim?
Anyhoo, AIBU to suggest this? and WWYD with regards to ex-w, (try to persuade her/ say nothing more/ get BF to talk to her). She has to let pub manager know tonight.
If you got this far TIA 