AIBU to be really dreading sisters wedding?

[saffy85]

My sister is getting married next year. We're all very happy for her etc etc but one small problem: she's quickly turning into the bride from hell. I'm meant to be bridesmaid along with our younger sister who will be 15 by then. I really dont mind doing this. I'm not terribly excited but weddings as a whole dont excite me. They just don't.

She's been engaged and planning this wedding for about month or so and so far has told me that the bridesmaids will be wearing a hideous colour dress that will suit neither of us (we have similar hair and skin colour). I can deal with this except I'd have given birth a few weeks before to DC2 so if past experience is anything to go by my tits will be huge, as will my bingo wings and my cankles. I will not be able to pull off a shocking pink prom dress. Little sister is not thrilled (she says she'd prefer black- I'm with her).

Bride has perfect solution to my weight issue: I should breastfeed! Not for baby's benefit, just to fit into the dress ok. Thing is I've already told bride why I'm not planning to BF. (PND last time, had to go on medication 3 weeks after the birth that I was told not to BF while taking). She knows this but thinks I could "hang in there, coz you know you will lose all your weight you know." Mind you she's also telling our mum she needs to lose weight before the wedding too. Mum is no Cheryl Cole but surely she should lose weight for her own health, not for a fucking wedding?

The wedding is about 500 miles away and me, DP, DD and newborn will have to find money for petrol, accomodation etc the same month we will be moving house. (We have to move that month as that is when tenency is up). DP says we might not have enough money to go at all. I've told him if it comes to that, he can tell my sister that, I'm too bloody terrified!

Basically, AIBU to really hope that Sister and BIL either change the location to somewhere more local (practically all the families on both sides live local to where I am, the bride and groom moved away 2 years ago). Or failing that, Dsis finally decides to not marry her chump of a DP at all? I know that's mean btw.

Also as a side note, is it really tradition for mother of the bride to coordinate with the bridesmaids?

God that's long but I feel loads better! If you made it through, hope I made some sense!

Thank you Eric and Sirboob. Gonna have to say something to her, in person. It might not sound like it but we were once quite close. This isn't about not liking her DP (it's a bit late for that, they have 2 kids he's already family in my eyes).

I would happily be her BM if she hadn't been quite so agressive about it all. If she hadn't told me to breastfeed (it sounded like a demand, not a suggestion) if she hadn't calculated how weight our mum should have lost by then if she sticks to her diet. If she hadn't expected me to go try on dresses in the wedding section of a department store on Oxford street in the run up to christmas while 3 months pregant with a bored 3 year old in tow, when we both know I probably wont be the same size 3 months after giving birth. And take a picture to Facebook to her later so she can see how it looks (My prediction: bloody awful).

I would never think about being a bridesmaid a few weeks after giving birth. How many weeks? If you have a c-section you probably won't feel like walking down an aisle. Stressful enough going to a wedding with a newborn (especially if you are breastfeeding as you can't even drink). Forget about the dress just say no you have enough on your plate.

She sounds like a bit of a bridezilla and perhaps needs a quiet word to calm down a bit, and YANBU to tell her to fuck off regarding your weight and your Mum's weight.

However, the dress choice is hers, as is the location (even though it might be a pain for you), and I think you should either just suck it up and go into it all supporting her and look forward to it, or make your excuses now and don't go. I know if I was planning my wedding i'd hope (and kind of expect)my sister (if I had one!) or best friend to be enthusiastic, as I would be for them, not dragging heels and wingeing.

Is it more about her and her DP and how you feel about them than the actual location? I know that even if a family member I adored or close friend was getting married abroad and I had plenty of notice, I would be saving as much as I could afford to make bloody sure i'd be there! If I wasn't as close/keen on the person i'd prob decline or be less arsed about going iwswim? I understand the travel with the kids wouldn't be ideal, but is managable. Is a bit weird though that if both sides families are local, then they don't have the wedding nearby.

Colour coordinating thing also a bit odd, but hey, again, if that's what she wants then what's the big deal?

You and your sister sound very alike.

As wisely said - if she's paying she can consult or do what the hell she wishes.

If really do not intend to go to this wedding as BM or not you need to say before Christmas. Of course she is going to be angry because you are sisters and once were close. And I think your little sister might not be too pleased with you either leaving her to miserable day when it should be lovely.

Ahhhh I love Bridezillas and their families.....

Hey I never said she couldnt have the wedding she wanted. Hell, should I ever choose to get hitched I have mine all planned out: Me, groom, kids, elope, rope in 2 witnesses off the street. Tell everyone else after. Job done.

She can totally consult on my weight and my mums and how I feed my baby. Am I only person that has thought "oh god no!" when they hear some peoples wedding plans? Really?

Another one agreeing that, for some reason, shocking pink is almost GUARANTEED to make everyone look dreadful...I have seen this in action...Your poor mother!

I would have a very serious (and perhaps slightly tearful) chat with your sister and resign (not suggest you might find it difficult, RESIGN) from the bridesmaid role. You have too much on your plate, and you want her to have the best day possible, with bridesmaids who can attend to her needs 100%. You'll have a baby to worry about! Impress upon her that with a baby in the picture, you will only be able to give her an 80% ish assurance that you can even make it on the day. What if the baby is poorly on the day/you have a section/etc.? Some things are out of your control - does she really want to risk the running of the day in order to have you as a BM?

Once out of the shocking pink bridesmaid seat, the other stuff (what time you have to get there and leave, even whether you end up affording to go at all) all become easier. She'll forget about you a bit.

saffy - try telling her that that soon after giving birth, if you BF you're likely to leak through the hot sick pink dress at random points throughout the day. Watch her instantly "let" you FF.

And of course, there's the post-partum bleeding so you'll need regular, say, every hour, visits to the bathroom, as well as a nice muslin to catch the posset when your newborn feeds, and prepare for this baby to scream through the service, and for you to turn up on the day and not fit into the dress (took me an absoulte age to even fit into my early maternity trousers, let alone pre-pregnancy wear!), as well as needing supplies for the baby as it's unfair for your DP to be stuck with a screaming, squirming newborn all day, plus you'll be sleep deprived - oh, had you forgotten what it's like to have a newborn already, DSis? How odd....

She will feel much less angry about absolving you of the ridiculous bridesmaid duties then. Tackly the issues with your poor mother and younger sister after christmas.

Tell her your good friend Panzee put on weight when she breastfed. :o.

Thanks again everyone who has been helpful. I probably will bow out unless Dsis has a personality transplant by christmas and chills out.

In hindsight probably shouldnt have posted this t all as I'm pretty sure depression is clouding my judgement. If I wasn't pregnant I'd be over the moon for her and be happy to get involved. Although I'd still have reservations about her reasons for marrying someone who she has had a very stormy relationship with.

And tottwriter and Panzee I'll bear all your points in mind

I don't think it is entirely up to her what you wear even if she is paying. You will still have to wear it. If she doesn't have the good manners to make sure you are happy and comfortable, then she doesn't deserve for you to have the good manners to wear it regardless.

In your position, I would talk to her about how much this is going to stretch you financially and suggest that she gives a little thought to her guests. I would also refuse to wear a hideous dress and if compliance meant more to her than my comfort, she would be looking for a new bridesmaid.

I get a real bee in my bonnet about people who think that their weddings have to be the centre of everyone elses universe.

Don't honestly think you are going to be able to be bridesmaid for many reasons: having given birth few weeks before, previous PND, big drive with newborn and toddler then hotel, Actually think you are quite amazing to even contemplate showing up at the wedding! So would graciously decline offer to be bridesmaid emphasing how flattered you are that she asked but that really you will be in no fit state to help her as she deserves (maybe give her opportunity to ask a friend instead). Weddings are very stressful even without all of these things so take the pressure off!

Yes, your tits will leak in that frock. Guaranteed. And while BFing did help me lose post-baby weight, my cup size still went up to a J and I wouldn't have got them respectably into any fitted garment I'd tried on beforehand.
Talk about upstaging the bride.