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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

and am I being a bit precious about dd's first b'day?

14 replies

PartialToACupOfMilo · 01/12/2010 22:58

My family are notoriously rubbish at visiting people. My mum can be (used to be anyway) quite sociable, but she can't drive, lives in the middle of nowhere and my stepdad is the most anti-social person I've ever met, so she can rarely visit us or stay for very long.

Anyway it's my dd's first birthday this Sunday and I wanted to have a small party for her. As she doesn't really have any baby friends and also as she's one so won't exactly be boogie-ing the night away we decided to just invite family for a quiet but special day. We said to just drop in at any point during the day, but to let us know an approximate time so we could make sure there was food etc for everyone. DD's also not great with crowds so we thought we'd hit on the perfect plan.

My mum responded that she and stepdad are working - craft business with lots of Christmas fayres this month. Fair enough, though not sure they'd have come anyway - they've visited once in the past year My sister said she'd come with her kids - hooray! - but she lives in Staffs and so will now probably be snowed in. I don't think she's be safe driving down with the kids anyway, even if she's not actually snowed in as such. My other sister I invited over facebook and also sent a text, but she hasn't even responded, so don't think she's coming. Can't face ringing her in case she says she confirms she can't come and it's for some crap reason. She's yet to visit us in this house. We've been here for four years, she's never visited even since dd arrived. Whenever she sees us (at her house, out or wherever) she fawns over dd as though she's her favourite baby in the world And to make matters worse I know she visits my sister and her kids regularly and they live an hour further away than I do. Dh's parents also live an hour or so away and have said they don't want to come as they don't want to drive in the dark. Dh's sister isn't coming as she'd already booked a train ticket to go and see a band play that weekend.

So that's everyone - looks like the party's cancelled and while I know that dd has no idea that there was ever going to be a party - or even what a party is! - I still feel really upset that no one wants to be here for her birthday.

I want to trade my family in!!

Or maybe it's me - maybe they just don't want to see dd / me. I know she's not the centre of everyone's world, but this is a bit odd, isn't it?

OP posts:

cat64 · 01/12/2010 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Chunkamatic · 01/12/2010 23:07

FWIW this would upset me too, but there's not a lot you can do about it so I would just concentrate of having a lovely family day just the 3 of you.

thenightsky · 01/12/2010 23:08

ah don't worry. Your DD won't remember. My DD's 1st birthday was marked with a couple of photos of a bun with one candle stuck in. Same 5 years later for DS. Neither of em give a stuff now they are grown up (24 and 19). I think i've even lost the photos.

lowercase · 01/12/2010 23:08

DD wont know any different, make sure you get the invites out early next year, and at least no-one will see you blub when you are singing Happy Birthday

btw, Happy B.day lil' partial

stretchmummy · 01/12/2010 23:12

Why doesn't she have any baby friends? She will appreciate them at some point...and more importantly so will you.

stretchmummy · 01/12/2010 23:16

Another thought! Isn't there meant to be trend for celebrating half-birthdays. Have a lovely day now, just the three of you. and send out invitations for a BBQ to celebrate her 18 month anniversary in June. Craft season is over then, its light in the evneings and snow is unlikely (tho who knows?)

cat64 · 01/12/2010 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AgentZigzag · 01/12/2010 23:19

My DD2 is coming up for a year old soon, and just from what I've read in your OP, do you think you might be measuring how other people feel about you, by how much effort they put into contacting your DD?

If you think you might be, I don't think that's a very fair guage. I've done it in the past, and it was nothing but trouble because it doesn't matter.

You and your DH are your DDs world, like other posters have said she wont even notice, so this points to it being about things other than what kind of a day she'll have.

I do understand how you feel, I've wondered about how DHs family will react to DD2s birthday, but just out of interest, not to get upset about it.

AgentZigzag · 01/12/2010 23:23

Just IMO, but 'baby friends' sounds a bit overrated to me, DD1 really start to play with other DC until she was 3, so plenty of time to get them into other children.

Original poster

PartialToACupOfMilo · 01/12/2010 23:41

I'm not worried about her 'lack' of friends - she's only one fgs!

She had a few baby friends from our ante-natal group of course, but tbh I didn't really get along that well with most of their parents, we had very little in common other than being pregnant. There was a huge difference in how we all went on to parent and I think that was pretty reflective of how we viewed most other issues too. Of the two girls who I did get along with very well and saw fairly frequently during maternity leave, one is back at work full time and busy, busy, busy now and the other has just moved away from the area. I've also been back at work full time since June, so I don't go to baby groups. Would love to actually, but there don't seem to be many at weekends. We used to go to a lovely BFing group, but not anymore as it's mid week. Dh does a music class with her, but I don't think he really chats that much with the other parents as he's the only dad there and finds it a bit awkward.

She has cousins though who she sees fairly regularly and there are other children at her CM's. It's just that I don't know their parents at all so it would be a bit weird inviting them for her birthday - they're also a bit bigger than her.

Anyway I feel a bit better about it all now - thank you MN

OP posts:

MorticiaAddams · 01/12/2010 23:44

I think by making it a drop in day and thereby quite casual you may have also given the impression of not a big deal.

I would just chalk this one up to experience and do something that the three of you will enjoy.

Original poster

PartialToACupOfMilo · 01/12/2010 23:46

Stretchmummy That could work really well. And I get to be 'in' too!

Zigzag - you're probably right. It just seems like the last in a long line of 'can't be bothered-s'. And it's made worse by her being the youngest of the children in the family. We've always been the ones to make the effort to go to nephews' and nieces' birthdays etc, and I guess I just thought it would be reciprocated.

OP posts:

AnyoneforTurps · 01/12/2010 23:53

Why does it have to be family at the party? Why not invite your friends?

AgentZigzag · 01/12/2010 23:55

It can feel like a kick in the teeth - if you let it.

I gave up thinking like that a while ago, it was just making me mad, and angry that they could slight our beautiful, talented, and all round good egg DD1

When in fact they're just 'living', got other stuff to do, are thinking of you but not able to show it as well as they could.

I didn't send my friends DS a first birthday present (pre-DD) because I didn't think it'd matter to him, but I know I should have done it for my friend.

I'm sure it's just thoughtlessness rather than malice.

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