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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Young babysitters?

65 replies

indigodreams · 01/12/2010 07:00

Do you think a very mature 15 year old is old enough to look after an 11 year old and a 2 year old from 7-1 at night? I'm not comfortable with it but all my friends say it is OK.

OP posts:
LadyBiscuit · 01/12/2010 11:25

Yes they are. Some of you are never going to let your children leave home reading some of these posts Hmm

piscesmoon · 01/12/2010 11:38

I begin to despair with some parents-they need a padded cell and no risk!
I wonder they dare get out of bed with all the 'might happens'.

frakkinup · 01/12/2010 11:46

Power cut is potentially a problem because the babysitter might panic, then a child wake up and not be able to to be soothed by a hysterical babysitter and you end up with 3 very scared children.

Ensuring a child's safety can be as much about ensuring that they are properly prepared as leaving them with a responsible person. Now I'd have no problem leaving a teenager alone as long as they were able to deal with the situations which might arise but here you're also talking about leaving them in charge of a small child and IMO it not fair on the babysitter, it's not fair on the babysittee and it's not fair on the parents to put someone in that position of responsibility without the babysitter and parents being happy about it and having done a 'risk assessment' of the situation.

As I've said throughout this thread it's about whether the 15 year old in question has the ability to cope in a crisis, and the parent's confidence in them. It's quite simply not a question of age! It's about whether they would be able to deal with something happening without falling to pieces.

If you feel that they would be able to deal with 'worst case' scenarios then it's fine - and I would apply that to any babysitter of any age. It's not about qualfications, or experience (although they help give the babysitter and parents confidence), it's about attitude and common sense. Some 15 year olds have more of the latter than some 50 year olds...

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 01/12/2010 11:49

Never mind in law, a 15 year old is old enough in fact to have a baby.

Anyway - it depends on the 15 year old. If they have younger siblings then they would be better than I would have been at 32.

I think the main thing is that there should be an adult in easy reach.

frakkinup · 01/12/2010 11:56

Incidentally my parents left me alone in the house from a pretty young age, but I also knew what to do in the case of a powercut or a fire - I learnt that at Brownies!

They left me for the weekend when I was in Year 9. It's about preparation and confidence. I knew what to do, they were happy I knew what to do, I was happy to be left, they were confident I could be left safely. My sister, on the other hand, was 13 before my parents would trust her in the house alone...

Some teens aren't adequately prepared to be in charge of themselves, let alone a 2 year old. It would be heinously irresponsible to say that yes, of course, blanket rule, 15years old is fine. The OP has concerns, the way to address those concerns is to make sure that said 15 year old would be able to cope with the absolute worst that could arise (choking/fire) or something that under the current conditions is fairly likely (a powercut). If they can, it's fine. If they can't, then I wouldn't risk it.

cory · 01/12/2010 12:39

frankkinup makes a good point about the need to prepare teenagers for real life

tbh if I had a 15yo who would be likely to get hysterical if the lights went out, then I wouldn't be able to sleep at night with worrying about how they will cope with moving from home in a few years' time

I think we should all prepare our children as if they were likely to be left in charge of the household, quite regardless of whether we ever let them do it

Niceguy2 · 01/12/2010 12:57

OP, it all depends on the 15yr old and how mature she is. Plus what the behaviour is of the kids she's looking after.

I leave my 14yr old DD in charge fairly often of my 9yr old DS and my 3yr old SDS. She is very mature for her age and very sensible. I have no problems trusting her.

What I do make sure of though is if we're far away that an adult neighbour is around so she can knock on in case of emergencies. So given your family is only 5 mins away, I think that's fine.

Is the 15yr old a sibling? If so, what I would also strongly recommend is that during the time she's in charge that you make it clear to the 11yr old that she is in charge

I've done this with my kids and it works very well. My 9yr old knows that whilst we're out, DD has full authority. That includes punishments believe it or not.

The reason for this is because I don't believe in giving responsibility without power. I know someone who left their 17yr old in "charge" but she wasn't allowed to set punishments. Result? The younger ones refused to go to bed and pretty much just ignored her.

DD also knows in no uncertain terms that power comes with responsibility. She cannot just willy nilly punish her brother. Otherwise she'll get a verbal kicking from me and grounded until the end of time.

To date, DD has never had to punish either of them. Because they know IF DD did then I'd not only uphold it, i'd punish them again!

DD babysits them a couple of times a week whilst my GF & I go to our fitness class and on the odd nights out. Quite honestly they get on better during that time than when we're around and they revert to siblings arguing over crap.

LadyBiscuit · 01/12/2010 12:57

I agree cory. But if we never let them make decisions, then they are never going to learn how to cope. We are bringing our children up to be entirely incapable of managing by themselves :(

splashy · 01/12/2010 13:47

Piscesmoon I have babysitted a 15yr old and his 12 year old brother, but then they were incredibly immature (but lovely) boys and it was overnight. I think left to their own devices all sorts of things could have happened though - they didn't even know how to use the stove!

porcamiseria · 01/12/2010 13:50

no. I would not, for older kids maybe but not for a 2 year old

midori1999 · 01/12/2010 15:31

It would depend on the 15 year old. My eldest DS is 14 and has been babysitting his younger siblings, aged 9 and 6 (but with SN) for some time now. He is very sensible and grounded and knows how to react in all situations, plus our next door neighbour is always on hand in case of an emergency. The youngest is always in bed and rarely wakes up, but DS is fine with him if he does. He also likes the chance to earn extra pocket money.

However, my DSD, is 18. Wonderful though she is, I wouldn't allow her to babysit as she is not used to young children and wouldn't know how to deal with them.

Niceguy2 · 01/12/2010 16:12

Now, if a 15 year old has done a 1st aid course they'll be able to deal with a choking child >Extreme, yes, but the job is to ensure the safety of the children in ALL circumstances.

taintedsnow · 01/12/2010 16:19

I was babysitting two siblings at 14 by myself. The parents did not know me until I responded to an advert in a newsagent window. My family lived nearby (but were not known to the parents or the children) and the parents would regularly go at least a 20 minute drive away.

I was entirely capable of caring responsibly for the children, but I'm not sure I'd let a 14-year-old babysit my DN.

15/16 maybe. So I think YABabitU.

classydiva · 01/12/2010 16:20

The 11 year old sure, the 2 year old? No.

classydiva · 01/12/2010 16:20

The official legal age is 16.

piscesmoon · 01/12/2010 16:25

'it's about attitude and common sense. Some 15 year olds have more of the latter than some 50 year olds...'

Exactly. You can't make a blanket statement. Also a lot depends on the 15yr olds back up.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/12/2010 16:26

tbh i think 15 is too young to look after children and esp a toddler

but regardless of any age, make sure your babysitter knows first aid and has common sense - worth asking a few what if scenarios

would they know what do do if child had a high temp/if was sick as well as power cuts/fire etc

the main thing i think is that you dont feel comfortable with this so listen to your gut instinct

frakkinup · 01/12/2010 18:56

Niceguy2
Wed 01-Dec-10 16:12:24 Back to top ↑ Add message Report

Now, if a 15 year old has done a 1st aid course they'll be able to deal with a choking child

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/12/2010 20:40

ditto frakk - i also think ALL parents should do a 1st aid course

ShanahansRevenge · 01/12/2010 20:48

I think if you are totally comfortable then only you know the answer. IS the girl kind?

I babysat with a friend of mine at a similar age and when the baby cried my friend booted the living room door shut and pulled a face...she said "Ignore her..I always do." I was Shock and I went to check the baby who looking back was about 18 months old! all she wanted was a nappy change and a hug!

My friend was to all intents and purposes a "good girl"....good at school, member of the Girl Guides...never in trouble...and yet...this?

Now I am a Mum I remember that...and would not have a teen.

magnolia74 · 01/12/2010 20:48

Dd1 is 15 and babysits, she has 4 younger siblings and is really mature/sensible.

However she did do a babysitting and first aid course with british red cross before I would let her babysit for other parents.

She now babysits for 2 other families on a regular basis and I am always on call for any problems if she coudln't contact the parenst or they were further than me.

readywithwellies · 01/12/2010 21:51

My mother looked after kids, some disabled from the time I was around 9. I was used to most situations and could cope with varied problems. Used to babysit alot.

By the time I was 14 I was asked to babysit for a six week old baby. Baby would not stop crying and had a temp. Called my mum for advice after an hour of non stop crying. Got parents home. Turned out he had chicken pox or measles or something like that the next day. My point is, can they cope with what may realistically happen? If 15 year old is mature, and you go through the basics of emergency procedures, he/she will be fine.

However, how is your 2 year old going to cope if he/she wakes up to find a babysitter? I had this situation where I was babysitting for two neighbours, with an intercom. (At 15 I accepted this arrangement without question - wouldn't now) Told to check on sleeping children if I heard any noise. Heard noise. Child had the shits, woke up to find a stranger in her room. Again, poor planning on parents part, they didn't tell me where the nappies were, after looking in the obvious places (bathroom, nursery) I had to call the parents. She said, oh, yes, that is quite usual for X. HmmChanged child's nappy but screaming in the meanwhile due to stranger woke up her brother. I took them both back to the other house, plonked them on the sofa and they both fell asleep. All four parents came home pissed. Lovely.
I coped with this but could your babysitter cope?

cat64 · 01/12/2010 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Niceguy2 · 01/12/2010 23:11

classydiva there's deffo no legal age. That's just an urban myth along with the concept of a common law marriages.

Frakkinup, the thing is...where do you draw the line. Great you are highly trained in most eventualities but what would you do if a burglar came to the house? What about if a plane landed on the roof? What if....what if....

Keeping them safe in all eventualities? We're talking about a babysitter here, not a professional bodyguard.

Life is about managing risks. In OP's case I think the risk is acceptable. She's not far, family are 5 mins away.

Yes in theory there could be a power cut, choking child, house fire or one child could spontaneously combust. In practice the chances of any of those things happening are extremely low. The most likely thing to happen is the 15yr old is bored and wants paying!

Showing a 15yr old trust and letting them use their initiative is not a bad thing. If they can't even be trusted to look after a child for a few hours, how on earth will they manage with their own kids?

nannynick · 01/12/2010 23:28

I started babysitting when I was 15. However at that age I don't recall babysitting children as old as 11. They were more typically aged around 4 to 7.

I would wonder if the 11 year old might cause problems... as they are quite close in age to the person looking after them, so may well refuse to do as they are told. On the other hand, in the event of there being a problem, the 11 year old will know a lot more about the 2 year old's likes, dislikes, fears etc.

I'm not comfortable with it but all my friends say it is OK.

Where is the problem then? You are not comfortable with it... so don't do it. Does not matter what your friends do, or feel is ok. What matters is what you are happy with and what your children are happy with.