Christmas PFB

[ChristmasPFB]

Am putting this here for maximum responses.

First baby due Mid Dec. MIL is putting on a big Christmas dinner about half an hours drive away. Just overheard DH discussing with brother how we will go in the morning and stay there all day - guessing lunch will be around 2. There will be at least 8 of us there and the baby.

MIL has asked us to bring booze.

AIBU to NOT be the driver? I won't be drinking but don't want to be responsible for driving so soon after birth.

I actually don't think I will be going anyway if the baby is late, so this is all subject to change anyway but I am kind of assuming we will both be in a fog of sleep deprivation etc

So - AIBU not to really want to go at all, for that length of time, if the baby is late?

Or should I suck it up and go?

lunch arou

Don't decide yet. Casually drop into conversation, with DH if not MIL, that all plans are subject to change with the impending arrival. Pretty much see how you feel on the day.

I'd agree with getting your DH to drive in the outline plan.

YANBU to get your DH to consider the fact that you will probably not be driving.

You might have a c-section and not be insured to drive yet . You might be sitting on a rubber ring due to stitches that make you feel like you have a cactus in your pants. You might be suffering severe sleep deprivation (as might he - but if you are BF its likely to be worse for you if you let him kip while you feed)

YANBU

It should NOT be assumed, by anyone, that you can be designated driver simply because you are breastfeeding. The 9 months is up baby!

Prepare the ground now! Make it clear that you'd love to come, but as you've no idea how you'll be and when the baby will arrive then MIL should prepare for the possibility that you won't be there. Then see how you feel when the time comes.

What the others said. Try not to worry too much (you can't really know how you will feel), but do mention to people that you may not be up for the whole day, and you definitely may not be up for driving.

Of course, you might be absolutely fine, slide your baby out with minimal effort, not be walking like John Wayne, the baby might wake once for a quick feed once or twice, and you feel fine. On top of that, your hubby might be an absolute star, bathing the baby, taking him and settling him for you after you feed him, insisting on changing every nappy, and if you are feeling fab as described in the above not very likely possible scenario, you might want to insist your DH drives because he's been such a star and give and take and partnership and all that!

You never know!

No YANBU to not want to drive, very sensible to plan not to, after some kinds of births you wouldn't be able to anyway. People should definitely not be having any expectations of you (by you I mean you&DH) at all if the due date is mid-Dec, I don't think that's PFB - I'd feel the same for dc number 2,3,4 - whatever.

Its definitely feasible that two weeks after you have had a baby, and that's if the baby turns up on time, there might be something physical that means its really not ideal that you drive somewhere for 30 minutes. Stitches, c-section scar, infected piss-flaps, sleep deprivation, boobs so engorged you can't actually see out the windscreen...

Happy Christmas, by the way

I would definitly leave your plans open, with it being your pfb it's fairly likely you will go overdue as im sure more than 50% do so you could even be with a baby less than a week old, you could be still in hospital even, or even if not you may just not feel up to it, and yanbu about the driving too

Thank you - I am worried I am being a bit PFB but it's me I am thinking about too

MIL does realise that I might not be up to it, and DH has always said 'subject to when the baby arrives' but I'm not sure he really does realise that even if the baby comes on time it may all seem like a bit of a drag to get out of the front on the day. Am certainly a bit worried that he seems to think it will be easy or that we will be able to do anything to a schedule.

I am intending to breastfeed and to ask MIL if there will be somewhere I can go to do so in private. I am a bit worried about getting breastfeeding right without an audience and also about the frequency and length of feeds meaning that I will be spending a lot of time on my own while everyone else gets merry. Frankly I would rather be in my own bed watching a film or getting sleep when I can.

Also worried about the amount of stuff we will have to take with us (or will I be ok with a moses basket and my boobs?) and the amount of handing the baby around various relations, while I scream inwardly, that I might have to endure .

My own family (as in my mum and siblings) will be having Christmas about 20 minutes away and it would be nice if we could also find the time to pop in to see them so it could be a lot of traveling.

To be perfectly honest my ideal would be to have Christmas on our own at home so the later the baby comes the better, but that's probably me being selfish and thinking the worst.

I'm really not sure you'll be up to it. Somehow when you have 2nd or third babies you seem to cope with this kind of thing sooner after the birth but the first time getting to grips with bfing, recovering from birth etc all seem to take to longer! You will still be coming to grips with becoming a parent

There are just too many variables at present.

If all is well and you have a dream child you may be rested and enjoy the chance to show of your baby to both families, if BF starts well nappies, some form of transport and you, are all you'd need (along with a change or three of clothes).

Don't over think this. You really wont know how you're going to feel until nearer the time.

You do sound well prepared - I was clueless with my first. But as ANT said, none of these things may come to pass. You may find bf straightforward, or you may decide to ff . Your baby may sleep loads, and you may feel happy for others to have a hold.

I'm glad your DH and MIL sound undrerstanding

Yes Good Luck. It's a lovely time

Just go with how you feel at the time, and what is possible.
As it happens, we decided to go on a short holiday when DS was 2 weeks old, me driving (as dp can't), and it was a doddle. But on the other hand any nuber of factors may prevent you going at all - esp if the baby is 2 weeks late and you have a Christmas baby.

Also don't worry too much about feeding and equipment - you won't need much at all if you are bf, but you may well be spending long periods with babe clamped to your breast - 2 weeks is plenty of time to get used to eating one handed and managing with a baby under your top, but you never know, you may still be getting used to it.

Do't fret - what ever happens, there will be no rights or wrongs as long as you do what feels right at the time. And unless your DH and MIL are unreasonable controlling nutters, they will quickly see what the circumstances are and support your needs.

See, I can't be doing with all that.

DC2 is due on Saturday (please God not in the snow!) and we cancelled all Xmas plans months ago. I know the first time around, I ended up with a last minute section as we discovered DS was breech at 41wks and I found BF really difficult so the idea of having to go and sit down to a formal meal when I'm sleep deprived, moody and have a toddler to wrangle too is definitely a no-no. Very much looking forward to having our first ever Xmas just us, DS and his toys and generally mooching around in my PJs with a mince pie in one hand and my bits hanging out where necessary

Don't put any pressure on yourself and don't be afraid to say 'no' if that's what you need to do when the day comes

See, at the moment I am not keen on breastfeeding infront of DH's family. I know I may feel differently once I get the hang of it but if there's a risk of my nipples being the focus of the Christmas lunch then I'd rather avoid it Specially if I am having problems.

I am over-thinking it though, it could all go swimmingly.

I'd also like to sleep when the baby sleeps which I wont be able to do if I am at someone elses house. Mind you - I will have a word with MIL about that, it may be that I can kip somewhere if I feel like it.

Thank you all for being kind

I think if your baby is 2 or 3 days old (more likely than not yet born or 2 weeks old, statistically anyway) then you really will want to be doing without it. If that is the case, you might encourage DH to go for 3 hours or something whilst you breastfeed and kip in bed, but not go for the whole day or you will be lonely (possibly).

If you have got to grips with breastfeeding pretty well, or if for some reason you are not breastfeeding at all (unlikely if you are planning to) then it might not be too bad and you might quite fancy getting out. Actually dont underestimate how keen you will be to "show off" your baby. If anything gets you there, it will be the desire to have your rellies share this wonderful thing you managed to miracle up.

If you are physically suffering, incredibly tired, or really struggling with feeding, then you will probably want to skip it for this year and that is understandable.

If your baby really is only a few days old and you are physically fine, it might be one of those really sleepy ones you have to wake to feed. Often they dont "perk up" for several days. If this is the case and you are fine in yourself, it might be an ideal time to visit!

as a compromise, your mil sounds sympathetic, could you organise with her that you and baby basically spend the day in a (bed)room with her or dh popping in often to wait on you? cups of tea etc.
also, make sure she knows that you will almost certainly need your meal cutting into pieces that you can manage with one hand.
if you really really dont want to go, have a word with your midwife privately, she may make up and tell your dh a valid reason for you to be unable to go and certainly she will quote reasons you can give for not passing your baby round :)
whatever happens, its babies first christmas (for us too yippee), relax and enjoy it!

Reasons like smoking (MIL and BIL smoke) and Illness? I am a bit scared about all that but really trying hard not to be too precious.

Not wanting to make this an AIBU by stealth but I am a bit worried about being in an enclosed environment with people who smoke or may have been smoking and who might not want to go outside into December weather everytime they want a fag
On the other hand I don't know if or how I should bring it up. DH totally understands the smoking thing and gets his mates to smoke outside now if they visit, but I am not sure how enforcable this will be at another person's house over the Christmas period. I did have vague ideas of putting up no smoking signs in our house which people would notice when they come to visit and maybe make note of but that's a bit passive aggressive isn't it?

As for colds/coughs/sneezes I am just hoping that people will tell me in advance if they have anything contageous.

Really am quite concious of not wanting to be too precious about it all.

The last thing I wanted to do was BF in front of my FIL! I also went away for a few days with my inlaws when DS1 was 3 weeks old. DH remembers it fondly - I remember it as hell on earth!!!! I will NEVER do that sort of thing again!!!!!!

Dd was just over 4 weeks old when we travelled for 2 hours to my parents for Christmas (and stayed for 3 days). I really, really, really wish that we hadn't gone. Dd was in a completely noctural phase, I was worried that her crying would wake everyone up, everyone wanted to hold her which I hated, plus, dd had colic and screamed every night from 6pm - midnight and dh and I were completely knackered!

If your baby is late, I would definitely think about cancelling plans, or at least, only going over for a couple of hours for lunch.

Actually, thinking about it, even if your baby is on time, I would suggest that you just go over for lunch. No need to go over in the morning and stay all day.

YANBU. Regardless of whether you have a heavenly easy birth or not, you'll have just had a baby FFS: you should be treated like a bloody queen with a personal driver, cushions, massages and attention. This means totally excused from any chores or expectations of doing anything for anybody who is not you or your baby - whatsoever.