My DD1 (age 9) has been doing an after school acitivity since she was 5. She loves it and is pretty good, competing nationally. The club has always been quite laid back, and she loves her coach, her coach has always seemed fond of her, enthusiastic and happy when she does well.
Tonight, head coach asks to have a word. Apparantly, they have had some problems with the girls picking on the boys, and telling them its an activity just for girls, there have been tears. DD1 has not said a word to me about it.
She then goes on to say that the supposed ringleader is the daughter of my DD1's coach. She is a year or 2 older but doesnt compete at the same level as my DD1. BUT that this child has implicated my DD1 saying she told her to do it and basically starting it and egging them all on. This does not sound like DD1 at all. I am well aware of her faults but this s not one of them.
Just to muddy the waters, she also mentions that her coach has been having some problems with her being boisterous and cheeky - now this I can believe and sounds just like DD1! But funnily has never been mentioned as an issue before.
She says they have dealt with it, but she hasnt spoken to DD1 and doesnt intend to. But could I have a quiet word with her about excluding and picking on other children.
I am a bit cross TBH. The 2 issues to my mind are 2 seperate issues, but bringing them up together means its hard for me to deal with either of them properly. I am worried that DD1's coach has been influenced by her daughter's allegations, and has now brought up the behaviour issues. I am worried it will affect their previously excellent relationship and DD1's enjoyment of her activity.
I have spoken to DD1 tonight, she was totally shocked by the allegations that she may have been involved (if not the ringleader) of the bullying and adamantly denied it. But not in an overdefensive way. I believe her, she is not a natural liar and will usually just spill the beans when she knows she is in the wrong. Of course, because they have "dealt with it", she hasnt actually had her say or a chance to defend herself, but I think she has been scapegoated and labelled the ringleader now :(
The behaviour issues were easier but muddied by the other issue. She and I are aware she can be a bit hyper and cheeky. We have discussed that her coach is like a teacher and should be respected as such and her behaviour toned down. She has apologised and promised to try.
Do I mention this all to the coach now, she kind of implied it was all over now.