not to be pushing reading/writing etc on my 4yo pre-schooler?

[tjandpootle]

My DS is a September born 4 year-old (so due to start Reception next year as probably the oldest in his class).

He goes to a great pre-school 3 mornings a week - they do loads of great activities but don't push the reading/writing beyond knowing letters and writing name/numbers 1-9. He's with a childminder for 2 full days while I work. When he's with me I like to do fun stuff with him - swimming, knocking a football around, playing games etc. I feel that he'll get plenty of time on the reading and writing when he's at school and it's not a race.

However, my friends with similar aged DCs are all talking about the amount of things they do at home to 'support their learning'. They drop in how their DC 'wrote a list for Father Christmas' or 'I've had to buy the Oxford Reading Tree as DD was doing so well with their reading'. They seem to think we should be giving them a head start and if they start school ahead they'll stay ahead. Am I being unreasonable in denying my DS this potential head start and leaving it until he's at school?

YANBU. Sounds like you are doing all the right things and hopefully your DC will be wonderfully secure and naturally eager to learn as a result. But I do agree with Bingtata that some children just happen to pick things up early without being pushed by their parents at all, and that's fine too if it's right for them.

"On the other hand, my DS is nearly 3 and is desperate to learn to read. I haven't a clue how to teach him this effectively, so am thinking about sending him to a preschool where they can help him."

Tolalola, if he is desperate to learn to read, you probably don't need to "teach" him at all - just enjoy lots of books with him, and he may pick it up by himself.

YANBU, not one bit. If you were in the US he would be starting in kindergarten at 5 and would be doing the things he does now at his preschool. He would only encounter formal teaching of reading at age 6, same for simple operations in maths.

Mine went to preschool at 4 and then Kdg in the US. Two of them were already reading during preschool. The others learned anywhere from age 4.5 to 5.5, fairly spontaneously as far as I could see; I read to them all and this happened whenever it happened really. They all picked up counting and simple adding (doubles) by watching Sesame Street, etc., as far as I can tell, and they asked about other things like fractions, hundreds, thousands according to interest. They learned far more useful skills like playing nicely with others, listening co-operatively, taking care of classroom resources, self-care (shoe tying, coat buttoning, putting on gloves, etc), lots of art and music/singing with little hand movements etc., plus lots of opportunities to develop the fine motor skills, sorting according to shape, size, colour... a huge variety of activities really.

When children are expected to learn too early in a formal classroom they either experience success or failure/ getting things right or wrong, and before age 6 they are not able for the effects of that on their emotional development, their image of themselves.

Tolalola, reading to your child, especially books with a little rhyme or rhythm in the text can help a child see patterns in the letters, especially when it comes to linking the vowels to their sounds.

Mine (September baby so eldest in school year) was very into letters and books before school, but I purposefully avoided trying to teach her to read or write as I think it all starts too young in this country anyway, without me pushing for it even earlier. Within a term of starting reception she was one of the top readers and writers in the class whereas I know that several of her classmates who aren't quite at her level used flashcards and phonics workbooks with their parents before reception.

I'm certain that by KS2 they will all be at the same level and would say that you're taking just the right path. I don't honestly think that 'early' readers have any benefit over those that learn later.

I think preschoolers learn more through play than the sit-still-and-study-it approach, but guess much depends on the child.

I've taken a relaxed approach with my dd who's almost 4, she's learned how to do certain things (spell her name, count to 20 etc) because she was interested and has asked to. My cousin started her dd (who's a year older)learning phonics just after she turned two to "give her a head start" - will be interesting to see if she maintains that or just gets bored waiting for the rest of her class to get to a similar level.

Personally I'd rather dd had lots of time to run amuck, paint, draw, make collages etc until education "proper" starts, although hopefully she'll be going to a school that puts a lot of emphasis on outdoorsy/arty activities anyway.

Think I'm a bit of an old hippy really [shabby bird emoticon]

I was very lucky that I was desperate to learn to read. My Dad always left the last page of the story unread.

I think I was one of the lucky ones that in an instant the letters formed into words and I have been an avid reader all of my life.

I was lost totally in books after that and that is a world I hope I never leave - my mum taught me to read before I went to school and the teachers tried to hold me back. They feared I would 'undermine' the other pupils.

I wasn't 'bright' or 'gifted' just loved books. I used to read the labels on shampoo bottles when I was in the bath at the age of four.

I can live anywhere so long as I have a book to read and my Mum never heard the words "I'm bored!!"

But I was a boring kid though - nose stuck in a book

Yes magicmummy1 and mathanxiety, you're both right. I guess he will just get it eventually - he can recognise lots of letters now and is starting to think of words that start with given letter sounds - I just don't want him to get frustrated by my teaching ineptitude! We read together all the time, and have since he was tiny.

He does have a silly amount of books, but knows most of them by heart now, so he just recites them to himself and turns the pages - no actual 'reading' involved. I think we need new books!

YANBU, Your DS is doing fine and you are giving him a head start as you do lots of fun activities with him,

'in an instant the letters formed into words '

This is how DD3 described learning to read -- "The letters disappeared!"

Ignore the competitive parents (difficult I know!) and don't try and push a 4 year old to read and write unless they want to do these things. You do run the risk of turning them off and making them a chore. Children develop at different stages. I have 3 kids - all now teenagers. The eldest started reading in reception at the age of 5; the youngest started reading at 2 (instigated by him - he used to make me follow words with my finger when I was reading to him and seemed to just memorise the shape of whole words).

I remember saying to my middle September born son's teacher at the start of year one that I was worried cos he just didn't seem to get reading/writing - that must have been around the time of his 6th birthday (his younger brother had been reading for over a year).

All 3 went to grammar school, but ironically, it's the middle one who excels at English, even though he hit his 6th birthday unable to read or write anything much beyond his name.

So please don't push your son!