To want proper stuff?

[chocolatestar]

Well I am obviously suffering from some kind of pregnancy madness because I never post in this forum but there you go.

When I go round to other people's houses their stuff seems so nice. I am 34 and have been married for eight years and we still don't have a proper dinner set, cutlery set, pots and pans, nice bedding, even our carpets are disgusting. I don't even have cushions. Can I even be considered a proper adult if I don't have cushions? Our toaster and kettle are also crappy and we certainly don't have anything extra like nice pictures on the wall or anything. We still live like students basically (DH is currently a student so I guess that is why).

DH doesn't seem the least bit bothered by it. I, on the other hand, spend ages slavering over the John Lewis website. I guess I thought by the time I reached this age I would have a nice house with nice things but we just can't afford it. Seems even worse now that I am expecting DC2 and am all hormonal.

that's what ikea is for

you can easily make your home nice for just a few quid in ikea (at least get some cushions for e.g. and some pictures for the walls)

i think that is what you would describe as 'nesting'.

TBH I think many people live like that, certainly while the children are young and you're either living off one income or spending an arm and a leg on childcare.
We certainly had mismatched crockery, secondhand furniture and threadbare sheets for many years. On the other hand, when the children are so small, it's quite nice not to worry about having nice stuff and getting it ruined!

It won't be like that forever - once you're earning a decent living you'll find you can build up. We have some pretty decent furnishings now!

YANBU at all. I always thought of myself as not being materialistic and not always "wanting" things but I felt the same.

I have saved over the last few years and got nice things bit by bit. They're nothing particularly expensive by many people's standards but they are what I chose and are special to me.

In contrast, I now don't feel remotely envious of people whose homes, furniture, pots, cars, dogs, clothes, DCs etc all look like they were bought from the same catalogue on the same day.

Almost everything DH and I own is secondhand, but I like shabby chic and it suits our listed cottage. You can get some amazing bargains in charity shops and mis-matched crockery is more interesting and individual than mass-produced crap from IKEA. You could always make your own cushion covers - it is amazingly easy.

I second Ikea.

YANBU - though I think that's partly because you're pregnant and nesting. There's not a lot of point in having nice things with young children, but that doesn't mean you can kinda want that stuff. What would be unreasonable would be going out and buying it then not having enough to pay for baby stuff, or something like that.

Ikea is good though. They don't change the designs every year, so you can buy a replacement if something breaks, and it's all very reasonably priced anyway.

BTW, you aren't alone - nothing in our house matches either, and every now and then I look at it and sigh wistfully too.

YANBU. I used to have lovely stuff, Conran crockery and things and then I got divorced and left it all with exH. DP and I have all mismatched hand down type stuff and it does bother me whe we have people round as I feel like I've gone backwards a bit somehow but we've said when we move to a bigger house (hopefully soon) we will get new stuff then (prob. from Ikea!)

I love Ikea. DH HATES it. I used to get him there with the promise of meatballs but even that doesn't work anymore. Maybe I will be able to get him out there in the sales. Trouble with Ikea is I can easily end up spending a fortune on random stuff that I didn't know I needed until I saw it in the market place.

Think I am nesting although my house sadly isn't getting any cleaner as a result.

I agree with you about Ikea. It's all so craftily laid out that what you save on the things you need you spend on extraneous crap you don't. I came away once with a full set of draw handles shaped like feline hindquarters. Seemed essential at the time...

YANBU I find myself staring lovingly at my sil joseph Joseph kitchen wear and her matching dinner sets. Nothing in my kitchen matches all my plates are different and ditto cups, bowls and saucepans.

My cutlery is all matching at last and so are my curtains and cushions I am a 32 yr old single mum so getting there :)

Nesting.

Why not get some charity furniture, the seventies style is all the rage. Paint it, you could spray it black, or paint it silver. I bought some fab women's magazines on Ebay for a pound, they were from the forties and I framed the adverts for lipsticks and such like. They are admired by everyone.

You ought to treat yourself to good bedding though. TK MAxx have great egyption cotton high thread count sheets really inexpensive. I hate Ikea bedding, love all the other stuff. You are right, you can go in and spend a fortune on things you didn't know you needed. Try going into bargain corner first. Then you might be able to give the store a miss.

Did you not receive some nice homewares for wedding gifts?

I lust after the White Company catalogue, especially all those beautifully made beds with throws and cushions, scented candles and shiny glass. We never had a big wedding so missed out on all that matching crockery.

TBH, even while I lust after my friends matching Nigella cookware, part of me thinks all that matchy-matchy-consumerism is a bit naff. But I'd agree that decent bedding is lovely and needn't be expensive - wallace sacks is also v reasonable.

Sadly we didn't get much. Dh's family are from another country and didn't give us anything and my family are very dysfunctional so we got some money from a couple of them which we used to help pay for the wedding and that was it.

My brother married someone from a proper family and they got a ton of stuff. I nearly died of envy.

Is this your first, Chocolatestar? How long have you got to go?

YANBU, although step away from the JL catalogue!

Second, have a DS aged three. I am 32 weeks so still 8 weeks of crazy hormones to go.

Even better than the catalouge is going round the shop! Especially at Christmas time when they do up the dining tables with runners and other posh stuff.

At about five weeks PG I had a hissy fit and pulled up the rug in our living room and demanded it be replaced.

We didn't actually have any money (and hardly any furniture!!) so just put the rug from the dining room in there instead, where it stayed for 18mths until we could afford some off-cut carpet.

I totally get it.

I heart IKEA also. We don't have matching plates, but we've slowly bought nicer things. It just takes a long time.

I found the trick is to spend ages on the website choosing exactly what you want. When you already know you're going to spend £400 on furniture is less tempting to buy 21 cushions.

No, I have white company bedding and ikea and the more expensive ikea sets (not the £7.99 stuff) are honestly so very nearly as nice, that when you compare £120 for duvet and four pillowcases, to £40 for the same, it's an easy decision.

Also that white company look is very nearly naff imo - it is so hotelly. Much better to build things up gradually - I have some fantastic stuff I got from charity furniture shops - plus I know I'm not going to see it anywhere else.

Have a look at online craft and homemaking blogs - lovely ideas that you make yourself so it's really your home?

I tend to go without rather than buy cheap stuff, then buy one really lovely thing such as a lambswool blanket from JL. They do have some reasonable things that are good quality. But my DCs are teenagers. Don't buy anything too posh while they are young as it will just get ruined. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

ikea bedding you have GOT to feel the ones hanging up before you buy

some of their stuff is really rough and very loosely woven and just horrible
but some is absolutely gorgeous. I have a set from there and it's far nicer than my expensive set from john lewis! really crisp, thick cotton. and it irons up beautifully as well. think it was £25 for a double set (inc 4 pillowcases)
But like I say, you need to feel them first

they have some decent stuff in there atm

I know what you mean, OP, and our house is pretty much fully kitted out in Ikea

Recently I felt a sudden yearn for a new dining table and chairs- saw the one I wanted (solid oak, huge, with 6 leather chairs, at a lovely price of £1800) Resigned myself to something far cheaper, then went on Gumtree and found exact same table, 3 months old, still with tags on chairs, got it for £450

I luurve my new table, I am inordinately proud of it, as it is the first "real" furniture I've ever had (and likely to be the only real furniture I get for some years to come!) Makes everything else in the house look a bit blah though!

I take your point about feeling the bedding in Ikea ladies. That was my mistake and ended up pulling the rough as sandpaper sheets off in the middle of the night

If you don't like your carpet and you have floorboards you could maybe sand them and varnish? Even really shit floorboards can be painted then varnished. I painted my bedroom boards once when I lived at home (cos my Mum wouldn't buy me a new carpet) although they were bad boards they looked great with pale cream paint and a rug. Not sure this would be an option in a high traffic area like a living room.

Making some cushions with remnants, old cotton clothes or knitting squares is so therapeutic and you get something unique.

But I know what you mean... those Wedgewood sets all laid out in the shop..drool... I do have a set of WMF cutlery and it has its own drawer away from the common knives and forks! Got that from an offer with supermarket loyalty points. Also, got all my high thread count bedding at House of Fraser 75% off in the sale over years. I think you just have to be patient and trawl. Still, nothing will possess me to have a big wedding with a list so I guess them's the breaks.

I know exactly what you mean OP! I have a few nice, inherited bits of furniture and absolutely adore them - everything else is really cheap and mostly rubbish quality. We've just bought a house and I would love to replace everything but we're skint now and probably will be for years to come!