to think the school is using me as a cash cow?

[whyohwhywhy]

DD started reception in September and ever since she started there have been umpteenth little notes in her school bag asking for cash and other contributions. There was the 'wear and tear' fund, requests for alcohol or cakes for the cake stall, requests for cash to help modernise one of the classrooms and most recently I had a letter telling me I had to provide a full fairy costume for dd for the school play.

Fair enough I thought. I understand schools are in dire straits and they need parents to help out. However it was only when I mentioned in the playground how I was having difficulty getting hold of a fairy costume that I was met with stunned glances from the other parents. Apparently they do not have to provide a costume, the school is providing it for them. I then casually asked if they had been asked for money for the 'wear and tear' fund etc and again silence. Further investigation reveals that it is only I and two other parents who have been asked for these things...

So, it seems like the school is administering its own sort of social selection policies, asking the parents who they perceive to be 'well off' to contribute while those they deem to be less well off do not receive the requests for cash etc. Surely this is not right? It is not for the school to make value judgements surely?

Disclaimer: I am not rich, DH and I do OK, but we both work really hard for our money and have very little spare casem

That's bizarre I'm really shocked if they are genuinely being selective over who they ask.

We all get fleeced equally at ds's school

Most little girls have fairy dressing up clothes don't they?

obviously not as my dd doesn't. Not all girls are 'girly' girls and fit the traditional pink stereotype of girls who dream about being a princess... I would have thought that was obvious.

Blimey. Wotno, you're right. Most little girls do. A minority don't!

That is really weird, I would hope/assume it's a misunderstanding.

If it is true though how on earth are they making the decisions about who to ask?! There are so many factors affecting income, and it's definitely not obvious from the outside how well off a family is.

The mind boggles.

The fund raising must be missing letters, surely?

The costume I can understand. MY DC's school have the full set of nativity costumes (and a few others) from previous years, so the children with those parts get their costume supplied. Anyone with a different part will be asked to supply something, although the request usually comes with a very simple suggestion of something that will do, rather than a requirement to go out and buy something. For a fairy I might make something from tights, t-shirt and tinsel.

How do you know it's only 3 children. Do you really speak to every parent?

Would be interesting in the cash cow selection criteria. How very strange.

As for the fairy thing - my dd would rather dress in a carrier bag than wear a fairy outfit. It's a significant minority that don't dress in pink

I think the teacher must have found out that the DD didn't have a fairy outfit and has got a sneaky way of getting her one.

I mean it?s tantamount to child abuse not to have a fairy out-fit by the age of 5.

The money isn't for schools either its for lots of princess outfits wands and Ariel costumes. Especially the cut off bra type ones.

I am as astounded by the bizarre world of school as you are. My DS is same age. This morning I went in to see all the other children with fabulous costumes and I had been asked to provide only a dark top and trousers (thanks Tesco!!)and "We'll do the rest!" I am unclear who the we is but I know that the teachers think I'm a chav with no boundaries (actually, I'm fairly affluent)just like jeans!!!

If it is the case that only those not getting free school meals are being asked to pay then I would be fuming too!

We are what you would call 'working poor' and because we get working tax credits for my hubbys wage, not much either, we don't qualify for free school meals which at ds's school is £50 a month! It also meant that he couldn't get the laptop deal and various other bots and pieces... I'm a full time studentbamd need childcare for Dd but we can't get assistance towards it, no tax credits as I dong work and so we have to fund that ourselves too! We have to buy clothes for thf kids from primark, I buy most of our groceries when discounted and walk everywhere. We cut back where we can to survive and so when the school asks for extras, usually at short notice, it really throws my budget out! I think the schools need to realistically look at what they ask of parents each year and try a d do more things 'free' And less gimmicky things like non uniform day for x, cake sale for y, day trip to abc when not really needed!

Oops sorry, bit of a rant there too!

I find this too notremotelyintofootie. I have two children in Primary school and the last school trip came in at £24 for the two of them. Have just spent £25 on school photos (which I know was my choice, but overpriced nonetheless). Added to non school uniform days, book fayres, charity donations and school fete contributions, I feel parents are being treated like bottomless bank accounts! I know they struggle with their budgets, but I am struggling with mine!

Our "angel/fairy" costume for school play is a pair of white tights and a mans white shirt put on backwards!!! Is there a PTA/ Parents Association that raise money. We have one that holds the Christmas Bazaar, Summer Fete etc, sells the odd ballot etc but the money they raise is used to bring down the costs of school photos, they paid for every childs school trip last year.

Are some requests coming from PTA/Friends of xxx school

I would ask about selective requests for stuff, that is quite concerning/odd

x post with wiggles

Reading your OP I'm now wondering if DD's school perceive us as poor, as I had found out that everyone apart from DD got a letter home telling parents which nativity costume had to be provided. When after a few days we still hadn't got a letter I asked the teacher, who had to consult the TA, who told us DD was assigned a part in the play for which the school provided the costume. I had taken this news at face value, but now I'm wondering... I also have never been asked to contribute to wear and tear, or alcohol or cakes.

[Makes mental note to dress a bit less like a shabby hobo for school drop-off]

OP, did you speak to the school? What did they say?

Sounds very odd to me. DS has just moved up to secondary and I never got any of the begging letters that you often read about on here. I assumed it was because we're in a poor area and many parents can't afford it. Now I wonder if it was just because they thought our family were poor.