to be a bit peeved by this mother's attitude

[FoundWanting]

DD (9) had arranged for her friend to come round after school tonight. The plan was for her to stay for tea and then I'd take her home about 6.30.

It is snowing. It snowed overnight, it is snowing now and more is forecast for this afternoon and evening.

I don't want to take the car out to drive the friend home along twisty side roads when she could come over some other time, so I phoned her mother to postpone.

Mother was really snippy on the phone, saying that she was working late and I was messing her around and couldn't we walk if the roads were bad. She lives 1 and a half miles away, so that would be a 3 mile trudge for me in the dark.

AIBU to have said No?

YANBU... things have changed and the mother was looking at the playdate as 'child-care extension'... Things change.

You could have waited until she was already at yours then sorted it out, her mother could have actually picked her up, that is all you had to ask, rather than u take her, she collect.

yanbu - why isn't the cheeky mare offering to pick her up after work if its such a terrible inconvenience?

Hey? Why are YOU driving the friend home? Friend comes for tea, parent picks up. That's The Rule. If they can't pick up, friend doesn't come.

She doesn't drive. I feel bad that I've let her and her DD down but I am not a child-minder.

Tbh i wouldn't drive her home even if there was no snow let alone with the snow.

YANBU.

Did you ring on the day of the playdate?

If so I can see her point tbh. If she had arranged things around the playdate then it will be a nightmare for her to arrange childcare at such short notice.

Personally I would have said that you don't drive in the snow so if they can't collect her then you need to cancel. Thus, giving her the choice. I wouldn't walk 3 miles in the dark though so she ibvu suggesting that.

YANBU - some people are just arsey. Agree you are not a child minder. But if the weather is bad could the friend have stayed overnight?

She doesnt drive. But she has suggested for you to walk. Why doesn't she walk then?

Don't feel bad.

Sorry x posts.

If she doesn't drive then its no issue for her to walk and collect her child then. As she suggested you do.

I thought that was 'The Rule' too. Always used to be. But it seems to have changed in recent years.

With DS2, the friends' mothers seem to think that they are doing you an enormous favour by letting you entertain their snotty 6-year-olds and run them home.

Yes, she could walk or she could come in a taxi - why should you take your car out in dangerous conditions?

She could get in a taxi, or you could put a 9yo in a taxi and she pays.

Walk, I think I would have laughed. Or she could walk to pick her up.

Very cheeky - yes, if it was really important that you had her child whilst she was at work she could have offered to walk to pick her child up.

(I usually do offer to take a child home after tea - it means I am more 'in control' of getting the child out of the house and don't have to entertain the parent when they collect - and I only have one DC so don't have to load up a car ).

Thanks, everyone. I was really taken aback by her attitude. Given the state of the roads, I wouldn't want my child to be in someone else's car at all.

You are right, if it was such a big deal she should have offered to collect. This is a newish friend and I don't know the mum at all. Don't think I'll be getting to know her much better either.

How rude! You're not a childminder, If you can walk so can she!

Don't feel bad - you are being totally reasonable.

The rule when dd was younger was that the mother offering the playdate (urgh at the word) ran the guest home.

I didn't drive when dd was little, so used to walk her friends home. Was all fine and was reciprocated when dd went to a friends house and the mother broght her back.

But not in the snow. Is silly to keep a non-essential playdate in this weather.

Is rude for non drivers to expect the world to revolve around them.

YANBU

Presumably having the friend over was as a social thing for them, not to provide the mum with free childcare.

Also, in this kind of weather plans will change, not being able to work quite as late as you would have liked to is a relatively small problem.

I am at this! How RUDE of her.

So how have you left it? What's happening?

A last minute change like that could cause problems for me tbh, if I'd scheduled something at work in the hours I was expecting ds to be at his friend's.

But I certainly wouldn't say anything. I'd be pissed off with the weather, not with the OP.

I think I'd have pre-empted it tbh and called you to check it was still on - I imagine this mother is aware of the snow

if she needs the free child care she can do the collecting, however is best for her of course

Well, given what is going on in other threads about whether being a SAHM is a job or not, it could be argued that you are just a lazy SAHM and the other mum is a hard working mother and you could be a bit more accommodating thank you very much .... not my opinion by the way. I always used to have sympathy for women who had to juggle work and childcare, but after the two threads which are going on in 'parenting' I have lost all sympathy. So, no I don't think you are unreasonable, I think you are sensible and the other mom got a problem of her own making. She clearly has her priorities wrong and seems to think that she can use other people to sort things out for her.

I am astounded by some people's sense of entitlement. If there's that much snow around today, she's bloody lucky she got to work at all.