to not want to visit DH's family on Boxing Day?

[Rollercoasteryears]

I've just found out that DH has been assuming (and his family are therefore expecting) that we're going down to spend Boxing Day with them.

To explain the background, like many couples, we've agreed that Christmases will be spent with alternate families. Last year we went to his family for Christmas and this year we'll be spending it at home with my mum. For me, spending Christmas at home doesn't involve chucking my mother out on Boxing Day morning and racing down to Kent to see DH's (large) family for the day. I consider Boxing Day still part of "Christmas" and want to spend a relaxing day at home with DH, DS (age 2) and my mum - I know that Christmas day will be fun, but it will also be tiring - I inevitably end up doing most of the cooking and this year I'm pregnant to boot.

Last year, my mum came to visit us after Christmas, but not until 27th December, giving us Boxing Day to return from DH's family and have a relaxing day at home together. I would have absolutely no problem with going down to see DH's family on 27th this year but don't see why it has to be on Boxing Day itself (particularly as this year, 27th is a Bank Holiday so everyone will be off work anyway).

I realise that Christmas is often a compromise when you have different families and traditions to include, but I thought that's what the alternate idea was all about - not that we'd end up effectively spending every Christmas in two places and only alternating Christmas Day itself... AIBU?

Can't you explain to DH as you have written here, laying out your reasons for not going and offer the 27th as a compromise.

How pregnant are you? You could always use pregnancy exhaustion as a valid excuse and you probably will be more tired than usual being pregnant with a two year old to look after.
Are your in-laws reasonable people?

As an alternative as you have already invited your mum could you not say to DH that she has been invited for two days and you can't go back on the invitation.

I think most families that do the alternating thing do spend Boxing Day with the "other" family. DH's family could justifiably point out that you didn't spend Boxing Day with them last year - was it not "part of Christmas" then?

That said, if you're not happy then you need to sort something different out. Could your mum come up earlier in the week so you get more time with her that way?

27th(Mon) and 28th(Tues) are both bank hols.
What's the problem?
Go to Dh's family on the Monday(27th).
Then have Tuesday(28th) as a day to get over it all.
Back to work on Wednesday.

"I think most families that do the alternating thing do spend Boxing Day with the "other" family"

I think if they live close together they might. My family and all my ILS take Christmas as Christmas + Boxing Day as the driving distances involved are large. Also as you're hosting your mother you can hardly kick her out on Boxing Day morning.

I don't suppose you could send your DH off on Boxing day with your DS and get the train to ILs the next day? They could get what they wanted and you could have a peaceful afternoon/ evening with your feet up.

Thanks everyone.

Redsky I take your point about last boxing day, but actually the only reason we left early was because we'd had a dreadful christmas day with DS who hated the whole thing and whined all day, none of us enjoyed it and DH wanted to get home as much as I did the next morning!

Talk to your DH and explain and go on the 27th dOnt feel bad!

You could use your pregnancy as an excuse and next year the baby and then why not arrange to have Xmas with one lot and New Year with the other and alternate it.

Thanks again for all your suggestions.

After a rather tense discussion yesterday lunchtime (which prompted this thread), DH voluntarily informed me last night that he's told his family we're going down on the 27th and that he'd got the dates wrong Perversely am now feeling a bit guilty, but I'm sure I'll get over that...