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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to drop someone off my Xmas card list..

25 replies

purplepeony · 28/11/2010 11:16

because we were not close friends anyway before she moved to other end of country,( another mum at school gate situation who I knew vaguely) likelihood is we will never meet again, and there's just no real connection.

I'm a bit of a wuss like this- last year I delayed sending onebut hers arrive with round robin and family photos-so I felt I had to send one back.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 28/11/2010 11:17

It's only a bloody card - stop making such a damn fuss and send one.

Original poster
purplepeony · 28/11/2010 11:18

well, that's how I feel one day- and the next, i feel what a waste of money and what is the point?

OP posts:
sparkle12mar08 · 28/11/2010 11:18

Either send one because you want to, or have the courage of your convictions and don't. It's not difficult in all honesty.

LittleMissHissyFit · 28/11/2010 11:19

nice one ChippingIn! Grin

pp, just send a card, it's really no big deal.

emptyshell · 28/11/2010 11:23

If they send one of those horrific bragging round robin newsletters about how Tarquin's grade 100 on the piano and Beatrice has developed a cure for cancer using only her lego set and shape sorter... drop 'em!

ChippingIn · 28/11/2010 11:25

It's hardly a fortune is it - a card out of a multipack and a second class stamp - what about £1.50?

Why? Because she thinks you are friends, more friendly than you seem to think.

Or don't if you don't want to ... but accept the fact she might be a bit hurt.

But either shit or get off the pot - it's not worth this much bloody thought!

Original poster
purplepeony · 28/11/2010 11:26

They don't quite do that but their letters are full of where they went for hols and the minutaea of daily lives, kids sports, etc etc ( kids now at uni) and the truth is, we were never close friends anyway. I feel compelled to send one, whereas I never think about them from one Xmas to the next.

OP posts:
Original poster
purplepeony · 28/11/2010 11:27

Lots os posts on AIBU are not worth that much thought- but it doesn't stop people posting all kinds of stuff!

OP posts:
classydiva · 28/11/2010 11:27

I dont send any christmas cards to neither family or old friends, or neighbours. Why? Too commercial and a total waste of money.

Hassledge · 28/11/2010 11:28

I don't know - if the OP's heart isn't really in maintaining the friendship, for whatever reason, is there any point sending cards? It's just delaying the inevitable.

I had a major Christmas card cull a few years ago - I reckon if it gets to the point that your only communication with someone is via a Christmas card, you might as well just call it quits and move on.

BendyBob · 28/11/2010 11:28

People like this get downgraded to receive el cheapo bendy coach scene/Xmas bauble type cards. I think that's why such cards exist actually.

I know because we have lived at this address for 17 years and every year without fail receive the bendy coach scene card from a (no doubt) lovely family, whoever they may be...for the people who lived here before us. I feel I know them better than their original friends did nowGrin

You could keep it going like that or forget it altogether.

perfumedlife · 28/11/2010 11:32

PMSL at BendyBob Its so true! Grin They must exist for that very purpose.

SeaTrek · 28/11/2010 11:36

In this situation I would simply stop sending one.

I have already stopped sending cards to people I will see to actually say 'Happpy Christmas!' to. The post ones I pretty much send to core family who live further away and the rest I decide on as and when they come in. I know last year I didn't reciprocate a few. If think if you have no contact between cards and you aren't likely to ever see them again then it is time to stop after 5+ years of doing it!

I also realised that I don't really like Christmas cards in the house either a couple of years back I released myself from the burdon of displaying them. My system is I read them (they often makes me smile, it isn't that I don't like reading them) then reciprocate straight away (or not) and pop it in the recycling box immediately.

Original poster
purplepeony · 28/11/2010 11:44

We have been doing this for almost 15 years.

I don't like hurting people which is why I posted here to hear your thoughts.

I have had people drop me off their Xmas card list- who hasn't?- and I must admit I have felt relieved as they were people I was not close to and would never see again.

OP posts:
2shoesnightmarebeforechristmas · 28/11/2010 11:47

yabu
I still send a card to someone who I knew nearly 30 yrs ago
tis nice to keep in touch

Tootlesmummy · 28/11/2010 11:47

OP do you think perhaps that you might be over analysing this? do you honestly think this other mum is going to be hurt because you didn't send her a card?

If she is then she clearly doesn't have anything else going on in her life.

SeaTrek · 28/11/2010 11:50

If you think you will feel bad then you could consider sending her one this year but in it putting something along the lines of you have decided to stop sending Christmas cards in 2011 (nicely, so it reads that you mean to everyone not just her) and put on your email address/ask her if she is on facebook.

ivykaty44 · 28/11/2010 11:50

I have a long list and soemtime wonder who these people are - but they send each year and I feel it is only correct to send back christams greetings of joy and good will.

Thise people that have dropped us of the list - we note and stop sending eventually

Thelist has thankfully now got down from well over a 10 to a sizable sensible figure of aorund just under 50 cards...

I love the round robins and wouldn't stop sending, as they are always good to read however they are written Grin

redskyatnight · 28/11/2010 12:02

A friend (who sent gazillions of cards) once said that her rule was she must have spoken to or had a text or email from someone in the last 6 months OR seen them in person in the last 2 years. Or they were dropped from her list.

My parents get and send Christmas cards from a whole bunch of people they haven't seen or otherwise heard from in 20 years or more. I do wonder what the point is. Sending someone a card once a year saying "To X and Y, hope you are well, from A and B" is hardly "keeping in touch". And if you can't be bothered to keep in touch any other way, why is a Christmas cards so critical?

Joolyjoolyjoo · 28/11/2010 12:08

I disagree with most of the posters here- to me it's even dafter to send Christmas cards to the people you do see every day- you can just say "happy Christmas" to them (although I still do send them cards, don't want to upset anyone!)

But I do send cards to people I knew a long time ago. And I do send a little newsletter, letting them know what we've all been up to. Most of them seem to like it, and it's nice to reconnect that one time of the year, and find out how they are.

So send the card!

Original poster
purplepeony · 28/11/2010 12:08

I do send cards to people I haven't seen for 30 years but they were always special to me in some way. I know it might seem as if I am making a big deal out of this- I am not really, I was just curious as to what other people's "card rules" were.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 28/11/2010 14:13

redskyatnight - that rules fine but to a lot of the very old relatives in australia and NZ they may be confused as to why a text message or phone call would be needed and a return card wasn't the factor in exchanging cards at christmas

ENormaSnob · 28/11/2010 14:22

I wouldn't but then I write cards every uear and forget to distribute them Blush

Curiousmama · 28/11/2010 14:28

I wouldn't care if one of my best mates didn't send a card. I'd know they still like me.
Don't see the point in sending cards to people you don't even care about tbh.
Although I am very lazy when it comes to such things Wink

theevildead2 · 28/11/2010 14:29

Why waste money and the environment if you don't want to send her a card?

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