I know IABU and I need a slap

[Grumpla]

DH works away a lot (well, not a lot to some people, but he is away about 2 or 3 days most weeks). He loves his job, btw.

I really find it draining being in sole charge for days on end (and feel really wimpy for doing so, especially as I have several friends doing it ALL on their own with no DP at all) and recently we have agreed that I need to spend a bit more time doing 'me stuff'. DH has been really good about this and tonight I was meant to be going to the birthday party of one of our friends while he stayed in with DS.

Except DH came home from three days away with horrible flu. He tried to insist that he would be fine looking after DS but it was really obvious that he wouldn't, he looked like death. So my planned afternoon of bath / get ready / taxi to party / evening of fun ended up as yet another fight to get some food into DS / bath for him, splashes for me / bed / wash up and an evening of crap telly as DH lay in bed groaning.

I'm ashamed to say I was really vile to him initially. I have made him some hot toddy and we are friends again but I still feel so ANGRY. I know it's not his fault that he's ill and that it is VU to feel this way so why do I?

I miss him so much when he's away, then when he gets back I am so mardy and pissed off, we end up arguing about nothing. How do other people cope with DPs who work away a lot?

V. gentle slap.

You are tired, had expectations and are now disappointed.

Go and make up to him. Not too close, now, you don't want hisman flu. :o

that was gentle?

I think we are okay now. He is toddy'd and tucked in. I've told him if he breathes on my side of the bed he is in big trouble though.

YANBU to be disappointed being at home with a small child most of the time can become really draining and you are not unreasonable for looking forward to a night out with the girls.

As for being mardy with him maybe you need more adult time together, book a babysitter and get out and have fun.

when his cold manflu resolves!

What do you do if you have a flu when your DP is away? Sorry if this sounds harsh but you should have left him with the kids and gone out. What's the worst that would have happened? For most of us, our DH's are better at looking after their own interests than we are. My DH's perspective on this would be that I would be being passive aggressive - insisting on staying then being grumpy about it. For me, it took me a long time to realise that my DH is not like my female friends (duh!) and I need to be a LOT more direct than I would normally be. Men don't take offence at this like women do. My DH used to travel quite a lot and I'd say you are bearing a huge load looking after the kids on your own while your DH is away. DH's respond v badly to being handed the kids as soon as they get back from work but I recommend you have at least one date night soon after he gets back then a me night for you. And maybe some family events where he is really involved.

You are tired and now you are disappointed too. Can you go out today and get yourself a bit of a treat and perhaps get some tickets for theatre/concert - with friend for another weekend.

You should have gone and left him, or stayed and been cheerful. Staying and grumping benefited no one except enabling you to feel put upon and a domestic martyr.
Babysitter and going out on a date when it's possible seems like a plan.
Working away from home isn't easy for anyone,those left and the one who goes.

I did manage to go out last night instead.

DH (after having spent all day in bed but looking quite a lot less like he was about to pass out) did try to do puppy eyes and "can't you go out later after DS is in bed?" at about 5.30.

I calmly (well, okay then, shouted, but not that loudly) told him that when I am ill (and DH is always away) it HAS to be business as usual, that he needed to suck it up and be there for DS, wasn't acceptable for him to flake out any more than he had done this weekend and that unless he was actually vomiting or shitting himself he needed to be in the lounge, with a great big smile on, looking after his son.

I then left for the pub, pausing only to grab my Kindle en route.

Returned several hours later to find... all the washing up done, laundry hung up, DS fed, bathed and in bed.

Result!

Jumpty I totally get what you mean about needing to be more direct. This is something I work on. I have a tendency to assume that other people can read my mind, it's not very helpful.

We are going out together at the weekend for party and hotel, DS with GPs :o I can't wait!