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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL and ridiculous Christmas present

21 replies

everybodysgotone · 27/11/2010 16:08

MIL has just informed DH that she's bought DD a Thomas the Tank Engine desk and chair for Christmas.

It's not a ridiculous present in itself and DD loves Thomas, but we live in a tiny 2 bed terraced house and we just don't have the space to put it anywhere.

I'm so annoyed because once DD sees it she's bound to love and so we'll have to keep it - probably in the middle of our tiny lounge where it will sit like some sort of Thomas the tank engine coffee table.

Oh I really don't want to look at / trip over a THomas the tank engine desk several times a day!

I've telling PIL we'll have to keep the desk at their house. AIBU?

OP posts:
everybodysgotone · 27/11/2010 16:09

Doh I missed a word out "I've considered telling PIL we'll have to keep the desk at their house?"

OP posts:
MardyBra · 27/11/2010 16:11

My family did this to us when the DC were little. We put up with the large plastic kitchens/dressing tables etc for a bit and got rid as soon as the DC started to tire of them. Annoying tho.

ShanahansRevenge · 27/11/2010 16:11

Keep it at yours until New Year is over with...then ship it over to theirs with no warning. Just say "This is lovely but too big so we want it here."

End of.

YANBU

KangarooCaught · 27/11/2010 16:13

YANBU, let them keep the Thomas the Tank 'coffee table'

everybodysgotone · 27/11/2010 16:14

Yes DD is 3.5 so I guess she'll grow out of Thomas soon too. I'm also just upset PIL have wasted their money on something we're bound to get rid of so soon.

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CrazyPlateLady · 27/11/2010 16:15

YANBU.

We live in a tiny 2 bed terrace and while I would love DS to have a nice desk like this there is no way it is going to happen as we have no where for it.

What does your DH think? Would he be willing to tell his parents?

Dexterrocks · 27/11/2010 16:20

I have asked my parents to keep gifts that they have given my children at their house too. If the child is there regularly it makes sense. There is only so much room in a house.
You can "sell" the idea by saying how excited DD will be coming to visit them, knowing he will get to play with his desk.
I appreciate it is easier to have this conversation with your own parents than with your PIL. Maybe your DH could try to tactfully introduce the idea.
The gift is obviously well intentioned but they haven't thought it through entirely.
Good Luck!

APixieInMyTea · 27/11/2010 16:20

YANBU

we live in a 2 bed flat and mom has bought ds1 a judge wooden train set. No-where to put it so it'll have to stay in it's box. Sad because ds1 would love it too. Mom lives 6hrs away so if it stays at hers it still wouldn't get played with.

Vallhala · 27/11/2010 16:21

YANBU. Been there, experienced that, worn the T shirt.

For god's sake object NOW because if you turn a blind eye just once the PsIL will carry on bringing enormous monstrosities offerings into your little home for at least another ten years.

As I said, been there, experienced that... Wink

Dexterrocks · 27/11/2010 16:22

Sorry, got my DD's and DS's mixed up!

jugglingjo · 27/11/2010 16:40

Hi, YANBU, but maybe it could be helpful to think that really neither are they.
I'm sure it was well intentioned, and will be given with love to your DD.

But I think you've already come up with a brilliant solution. And not just for yourselves, but for all of us ! Just deliver your suggestion with some penache ( or get your DH to do so ) and your home and dry ( and without a Thomas coffee table in the lounge ! )

I'd say "Oh, that's lovely ! DD will love it !
Where did you find it ! There's just one thing DD would like to keep it at your house because she says you always have everything for her to do her best pictures / You are both so artistic / She wants to keep it in her little bedroom at your house, in the corner by the window etc. etc ! Use your creativity and charm ! Can also be delegated to DH !

Try to keep a sense of perspective / humour / generosity etc.

My parents enjoy giving my son lots of construction kits, remote control aeroplanes and boats. It works much better if Grandpa makes them with DS too, and they are kept and flown/ sailed there too.

I just don't have the time/ inclination or skill to get my head round it all ( neither does DH ) Grandpa however is great at it all, and it's something I have very fond memories of from my childhood.

Grandparents, Aunts, and Uncles can sometimes be encouraged to give time / space / skills too. The High Street only encourages us to buy and give the stuff to each other, but it's often the gift of our time, thoughtfulness, effort and energy that will make the real memories, and be most appreciated.

Hoping to help OP and other readers. You've inspired me to be bolder with this, as some tricky presents have been brought home with DS, and really they'd be much better left safely at GG's house...

MerrilyDefective · 27/11/2010 17:00

We had this problem with a garden swing.
Tiny garden, humoungous swing from ELC.

They sent money with their DD (they live in Scotland) to buy said swing.
DP and his sister bought a smaller one that would actually go in the garden and with the left over money they bought bath toys and stuff.
Outlaws went freaking ballistic.
'We TOLD you what swing WE wanted DGD to have'etc
'That's the last money you'll get out of us' etc
Implying that we had spent it on ourselves.Angry
DP sent them a cheque back.
Can't remember if they ever cashed it.

jugglingjo · 27/11/2010 17:28

Without goodwill on all sides there's little you can do.

I do wonder if people forget that the idea of giving someone a present is to make them happy.

No ?

Perhaps I'm naive !

But it's surely the way to enjoy Christmas !

And life, to some degree !

BubbaAndBump · 27/11/2010 17:45

I had a similar reaction when my sister bought two very large toys for my DDs last Christmas - and a friend of mine thought I was being very ungrateful - but both toys took up so much space in our already overcrowded room and I had specifically asked for small things. It's hard because you can sound really ungrateful and spoilt but I do know what you mean. We re-arranged our entire furniture around one of the toys, and moved the other into the garden and then the shed as soon as we could - kids didn't notice! Blush

badfairy · 27/11/2010 17:49

YANBU I have banned large plastic table like toys this year for exactly the same reason I have put up with them for the first 2 years of DS2's life and would now like the boys to have some carpet space in their room to actually play with stuff......MIL and FIL are bound to ignore my wishes though.

Decorhate · 27/11/2010 18:15

My ILs used to do this. Thankfully most of the things were too big to transport back to our house as they would insist on assembling them for dd to play with on Xmas day rather than leaving them in the box. They were then played with by all their gcs over the years.

They now don't give my dcs anything at all for Christmas but that is another thread... So be careful what you wish for!

MerrilyDefective · 27/11/2010 19:20

Frankly i'd rather they didn't get presents when there are strings/conditions attached.
Ours haven't had anything from ILs for years after they 'forgot' DS2 two years in a row.
DD always got much better presents,hair straighteners,clothes,perfume(when she was 9)Confused.
DSs would get a selection box.

springchik · 27/11/2010 21:39

YANBU last year my pil bought ds2 a tricycle even though he already has one and said they almost bought a play house - even though our garden is tiny when on earth would we have put it? When dh said it mil said well you would just have to have found somewhere it we'd bought it!!!

onceamai · 28/11/2010 06:53

Keep it in the sitting room - let MIL see how pushed you are for space.

For the lady with the train set - we fixed it onto a large sheet of chipboard so it could be slid under and out from the bed.

seeker · 28/11/2010 07:03

Why can't you put the desk in your dd's room?

And train sets are meant to come out, be played with then put away again. Half the fun is making the tracks up.

everybodysgotone · 28/11/2010 21:02

seeker - DD's room is little bigger than a box room

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