to want Christmas on our own?

[BelleMama]

I've never spent a Christmas away from my mum and dad's.

In the time DH and I have been together (5 years) Christmas has always been with my family - his family are in Australia and though we've been out to visit it hasn't been at Christmas. (Though they'd like us to).

My mother is a Christmas fanatic and goes all out for us all. Huge amounts of presents (which we can never match, and enormous generosity all round in terms of food and hospitality.)

We've always loved it, and I would never change our plans for this Christmas at this short notice. But since we had DS1 (he's 1 and a bit) I've been slightly craving a low key Christmas just the 3 of us. No one else.

I fear I am being unreasonable which is why I haven't suggested it. I'd upset my mum so much. This year I asked her if she could go a bit easy on presents as we don't have much money to reciprocate and tried to do it really gently and she still got a bit upset. Imagine if we said we weren't coming with he DGS?

I'm a bit jealous and want your mum, but no, YANBU.

Yanbu

did you always go to your grandparents at xmas as children? Is this why your mum expects you to go there year in year out?

Tbh the tears wouldn't wash with me, it's quite a manipulative way of getting your own way IMO.

We have always done xmas at home, now with 4 children we have a great family day playing with toys, going for a walk and just having fun.
On boxing day we have a xmas meal at my parents or they come to ours and i'll cook a meal or have leftovers, and do crackers etc all over again. It spreads the presents out and is a lot less stressful and more fun.

YANBU, but I've never managed it either

YANBU

YANBU. You should be able to have a quiet Christmas Day on your own with your husband and child if that is what you want.

Could you suggest a compromise? Really low key lovely Christmas eve on your own with just the three of you opening the christmas stocking etc but have an evening Christmas meal on the day with parents?

One of the best Christmases I've had was before we had kids.... my DH and I eloped to New York. Both sets of parents were miffed but we did exactly what we wanted and it was great.

Not managed to do it since but I dream of being able to jet off to the Caribbean with DH and kids and s*d everyone else

YANBU.

We've always had the day itself at home, but then spend 2 days of the holiday travelling to and from to ILs after the event. This year I have mixed it up by inviting MiL to stay at ours...

I used to go to my parents at Christmas, I lost my Dad this year, I would give so much to see both my parents at Christmas.

And no YANBU but just think ahead

YANBU. But expect your mum to be a wee bit upset if and when you do it- not that that should stop you, but just be ready to offer her something else (eg boxing day/ New Years etc)

I am the Christmas zealot in our house. Although my dc are only 6,5 and 3 I harbour dreams of them all sitting round my Christmas table with their lovely families I think it's because I was an only child. When I was younger I loved that we did loads of visiting on Christmas Day- we went to mum's parents, where I saw all my cousins and played with them, then onto my dad's mum for Christmas dinner, where I got to play with my other cousins. As I got older, it was just me and my parents, and although it was lovely and very civilised, I missed the chaos and the people.

I now seem to go out of my way to invite "waifs and strays" of the family for Christmas dinner- the more the merrier! I dream of the day I can have a big noisy chaotic Christmas with my lot and their families, although should they decide to forgo I wouldn't harangue them about it. But I would be sad.. So however you approach it, go easy with your mum. Good luck!

My mum is lovely and don't think she is trying to be manipulative. My grandma was the QUEEN of Christmas and died quite young (about 60) its a special time for my mum to feel close to her. So there is quite a bit of emotional baggage that goes with it (not in a horrid way).

I'm not saying I never want to spend Christmas with them again, just maybe one quiet year.

ENorma when I was tiny (1 and 2) I think we went to my grandparents, but from then on my parents have had Christmas at their house.

newwave - big hug.

Thank you

What about you have the morning and lunch with just the 3 of you and go to their house later?

Of course YANBU. You're a family unit with your little one and partner - it's surely common sense that you'd want to spend a Christmas together just the three of you?

You've visited every year in the past; you know what you want; just give your relatives plenty of time/warning that you'll be spending a quiet Christmas in this year, and that's that. If they have a problem with it, well, that speaks volumnes about respecting your wishes/respect for YOUR family unit. We can't all be tied to our mother's apron strings forever at Christmas - I know I'd hate it if I had to go to the PIL each year! Have a good Christmas day whatever you do :)

I did it once...DH and I stayed at home and it was bloody boring! Once we had done the the presents and the lunch it was a bit anticlimatic.

My DH is Aussie and we also spent one year over there and it was nice but ODD. We had lunch in the garden (roast dinner) and DHs 65 year old uncle brought his new boyriend...who was about 18 and Thai...and couldn't understand anything...all the guests passed around crappy/rude joke gifts after dinner and I was sitting there aching from the forced laughter....LONGING to be in front of my Mums telly!

For the evenings entertainment MIL had a terrible row with her sister and I thought it was BAD but apparently they always do this at gatherings....the family make bets on it.

Now your DHs family might be less odd....give it a go next year maybe....but be warned...tinsel looks tawdry in the sun!

Yanbu,we stayed at home just the two of us last yr,and will do the same this yr with baby dd. My parents tend to be a little over-bearing and forget I have my own family now too (and that dh has family he would like to see) so it was important to me to try to gently break free of the habits early on,so the expectation wasn't always there if you see what I mean. Been ok so far, we love just being 'on our own'. Maybe next yr we'll join in again. we'll do the day before Christmas eve with them,then boxing day with dh's family I think.