to not want to go on holiday with my in laws?

[cremedelacreme]

I get on really well with the in laws and, generously, for the last four years, they've paid for us to go on holiday with them. They are, understandably, even more keen for this arrangement to continue since the birth of our DC two years ago :)

Plans for holiday 2011 are underway. Was planned for beg. July but when I announced I was expecting DC2 beg. June, in laws said they'd put holiday back to end August.

Weeeellll, thing is. It's a holiday to France and it's a 5-6 drive as standard. Factor into that a 2.75 month old toddler and a c. 11 week old baby, it'll take much longer. And it's only a week long holiday. And I'll probably have to have another c-section and it took me 12 weeks to recover last time due to complications. And I'm worried it'll take me a bit of time again to establish breasfeeding. And is it fair on a newborn and a toddler to subjec them to such a journey. AND, I think I'd just like the time to relax, stay close to home and get into a kind of, dare I say, routine with a toddler and newborn.

I've explained I don't think it's gonna happen but MIL said 'well, see how you feel nearer the time'. But I know how I'm going to feel and it's going to cost them more money to book in August. So, in the nicest possible way, I wish she'd just accept that I know what I'll want.

I guess that, since I've been very upfront about my feelings on the subject, people may say that the ball is now in her court? But I'm feeling a bit annoyed about it, neverthless!

AIBU to not want to go and to feel annoyed that my definitive 'thanks but no thanks' hasn't been accepted?

Sorry for ramble!

Chitchat - I thought I had been firm but perhaps it my attempts to not sound ungrateful it didn't come across as intended!

Anyway, showed DH this thread and he said, you do know it's booked for Aug already, don't you? Um, no! But you know, I've just pressed DH for a firm opinion, he agrees it wouldn't be an easy journey, and that we won't go. If it comes up in conversation when we next see inlaws, we'll say we're not going. End of.

I think the reason I'm feeling a bit tetchy about all this is because I suddenly developed a fear of flying earlier this year, told DH and in laws I couldn't go on hols with them this year because of it, and so DH and I started planning a train holiday (which I know think wouldn't have worked, hey ho). But, three weeks before the flying holiday, DH said 'I am really gutted we're not going; are you sure you won't change your mind; it'll be such a shame; me and my mum thought you might change your mind because of something you said the other week; it's the only holiday we'll get this year ... etc'. I agree I did say, after a bit of wine, ok, maybe I should go, but of course the phobia won out. It sent me into a panic but I did sort myself out with valium and go, but it did put me under a bit of pressure! I guess I'm worried the same thing will happen next year and, post birth, I'll lose it totally :o

apologies for typos above!

having had 3 c sections there would be no way in the world i could have gone on holiday that soon after the births.i would tell her you have to decline this year.

Thanks for your reply, pinkstarlight. I agree and that's what i will do!

I have not read the whole thread. I think it is lovely that you will be getting a paid holiday each year, I would go on the holiday with them and book other holidays for your own family also each year.

Maybe a staycation would suit this summer!

I think a long weekend in the UK sounds a much better alternative. It will be stressful for you to take such a young baby in a car for this distance and they are likely to be bf very frequently at this stage, especially in the heat. Yes, it COULD work out, but I think for your peace of mind your PIL should accept how you feel and wait until next year.

A self-catering cottage would be a perfect idea, no more than a couple of hours away from home. That way you have no other guests to stress about during night time feeds and you can take to your bed for naps as and when you need to.