to be so upset with alleged 'friend'...

[pingusmumtoo]

I have known for 20 years has just announced she is pregnant ... I was thrilled to hear the news allbeit from her mum and so rang to congratulate and offer any stuff, advice etc.
Now she has progressively got worse in the I earn a lot of money and only buy really expensive stuff so maybe I shouldn't have been surprised that my offer was turned down flat with a 'my child will only be having the absolute best' tirade. Suggested BioOil ... 'Oh no I've bought the most expensive Lancome' ... etc. etc.
To be honest, I wished her well, got off the phone and cried.
Whilst I'm a SAHM with a lovely DP who has other kids (ie. we pay a huge whack in maintenance) and live in a falling down rented house that we're slowly making nice, we have absolutely no spare cash for anything not essential, but my DS is always well kitted out and has really good stuff it is 2nd hand and I go without so DS doesn't. I cook everything from scratch, grow fruit and veg in garden, dye old towels, re-use. recycle etc and tend to give homemade presents ... christamas baskets of jam, sweeties, limnoncello, mince pies etc..
She earns a lot of money, spends it all and more so whilst she does have a gorgeous flat I know she's got a massive mortgage and huge credit card debts.
S AIBU to delete her from Facebook and my phone and hope her legs swell like an elephant ?
Oh and apparently Burberry don't do plain white babygros ....

OP - your friend is going to get a reality shock in a few months time when her expensive babygros are covered top to toe is runny poo.

Plus, all the creams in the world will not prevent stretchmarks for some people.

Instead of feeling inadequate next to her, if I were you I'd be feeling a bit sorry for her. And also watching out for PND when her baby comes and her expectations are blown to pieces.

Wait a minute...

You are a SAHM
You do all of your own cooking from scratch
You grow your own fruit and vegetables
You make homemade things to give as Christmas presents

I bet that you also iron your clothes and clean your house...

I would sooner be able to be a mum in your situation than a rich "Yummy Mummy" variety any day of the week!!

It is sometimes hard to see how the other half live, but I'm darn sure that her having money doesn't make her half as happy - or proud - as your little set up does.

I really am in awe of you for being able to juggle so much, I have an allotment and have massively failed at using it efficiently - and I also fail on the cooking/cleaning side of things too...

If I had a rich friend and a self-sufficient friend, I'd be more jealous of the s-s friend because I'd like to be her - I'd not like to be a rich girl in a posh flat with a poncy hubby who's probably shagging his secretary/receptionist while I'm too busy attending spas while darling baby is with the nanny...

Chin up, it sounds like you're doing a great job!

Doesn't matter how cheap or expensive baby clothes are, they all look the same covered in sick. Or poo. Probably both.

Saggy bollock . Love that.

pingusmum - I'd much rather be friends with you than your shallow 'friend', reality will bite her very hard on the arse when she is covered in shit & vomit from the baby.

OP time to get rid, she does not sound like much of a friend, well not one that i would want to be around.

Why are you friends with her now - you sound like you have nothing in common and she makes you feel like crap.

By the way I hate Burberry it is chavvy.

Don't lose sleep over her, you offered her friendship and advice being a mum already, she snubbed it. Her loss.

:-)

Haha at sunshineriver ....
My OP does sound very domestic godessey doesn't it ... I don't do ironing or much cleaning to be honest and my DP is very excellent at coming home and cleaning - he has some sort of mop obsession.
Thanks for all your lovely and funny words - still managed to burst into tears this morning when someone asked me about said friend but the Saggy Bollock comment is etched in my brain for all eternity

Lol...saggy bollock stomach, all the lancombe in the world won't help.

She sounds like a charmer....you could always gently remind her that burberry is very chavtastic

Obviously don't know the background between you and your friend. But assuming this is her first - whereas you have DC's already? Have you considered that while she has been plugging away at her fab career she has secretly been envious of your family and longing for one of her own?

Your response to her pregnancy was totally natural, excitement and a desire to share your experience and wisdom, but could her backlash just be a feeling that she wants to prove that she can do this herself and that she knows what she is doing? (though I'm sure she doesn't.)

Try not to take it so hard - I know money issues can be so divisive in friendships but I'm sure she didn't mean it as harsh as it sounded. And if its a friendship you've had a long time I bet you'll kick yourself if you aren't around when she needs you (and she will) further down the line.

YANBU.

Even if I were a millionaire, I don't think I justify spending money on designer baby tut that's just going to be pooed on, puked on and grown out of in 2 months anyway. What a stupid woman.

I don't think it sounds like she has done anything wrong tbh. Apart from being rude to your DP, but you must have forgiven that if you phoned her about her pregnancy.

So she earns alot of money and wants to enjoy being able to spend some of it on some of the unneccesary but cute baby stuff. So what, that's her choice. I'm by no means a snob, but when I had my first, I wanted to be able to choose all that stuff for myself too. There's nothing wrong with that.

It's a bit mean to not want to be friends with someone just because they earn more money than you, and I think that would say more about you feeling low or not very confident yourself than it would about her.

If you don't enjoy being her friend anymore because you don't like talking to her then don't, but don't justify it by saying she earns too much, that's just reverse snobbery.

Btw, I prefer bio oil to the lancome stuff, I don't like the smell of lancome.

I'd much prefer you as a friend than her. You sound lovely. Do you want my address to send the limoncello to?

I'd much prefer you as a friend than her. You sound lovely. Do you want my address to send the limoncello to?

People are funny about being offered stuff in their first pg tho (OFTEN, not all...mn caveat). I mean I spend an embarassing amount of time obsessing about what buggy to buy. And pretty much everybody I know did too. It's part of the fantasy-dreaming-pre-baby. Sometimes you want to find things out for yourself I think - I mean I KNOW I just needed a sling/maclaren techno/bio oil blah blah, but I wanted to go on that journey by myself rather than have somebody TELL me what I needed, even if they were 100% right and that's what I did in the end...

But if she made you feel so undermined and miserable that you cried that is mean. If you usually like her chalk it up to pg hormones and hold off on the offers of 'stuff/advice'. If not, bin her.

I'd not delete her yet - otherwise you'll miss the increasingly desperate updates asking how to clear a snotty nose or exasperation at the bashmere babygro not tumble drying...