To want to cook a nice christmas dinner but not to be expected to be expected to make in ott?

[springchik]

We are having christmas dinner at home with my 2 dcs aged 3 and 5. My pils are also comming. They always made a huge thing of christmas dinner a starter 2 sorts as meat (a turkey and something else) homemade stuffing and masses of vegtables and homemade yorkshire puddings aswell followed by christmas pudding plus an alternative desserts if you like. I know because I have been a few times over the years (either christmas day or boxing day) also dh has told me many times! LOL!

Anyway I have made clear to dh that whilst I will cook a nice christmas dinner I WILL NOT go to town in that way. I want to have time as well to enjooy the dcs opening their presents and just be able to spend time with them aswell as cook! So NO starters, no homemade yorkshire puddings, no cauliflour cheese (dh requested this tho!) AND no 2nd sort of meat. I will be cooking turkey, roast pots and mash, roast parsnips, carrots swede, brussel sprouts and if pushed possibly aunt bessys yorkshires and stuffing (shop bought) alsoo christmas pud (which they all like plus an alternative for ds2 who didnt like it last year.

However when dh explained this to inlaws at the weekend mil nsaid dont be so silly its Christmas I'll buy some beef if you like and fil will make 2 sorts of stuffing. I just got the distinct impressiion she thinnks I should really go to town and make a bigger thing of the dinner than I am. She just seemed disaproving and dismissive. Are my plans unreasonable? By the way I find the whole cooking a big dinner quite hard and stressful anyway another reason to want to keep it reasonably simple!

I can see the opint about catering for guests.

But OP is imo.

She´s offering a perfectly delicious sounding Christmas lunch.

Why must she do it ILs way?

But she does not have to do Xmas the IL's way! They are bringing the extra bits aren't they - I really do not think there is anything to get worked up about.

And her "perfectly delicious Xmas lunch" is a totally subjective point diddl - her lunch sounds like a normal Sunday lunch for me (except the million veg) so I admit I would be disappointed if I got that for Xmas (not that I would say anything of course if that happened to me - I would simply host Xmas myself next time round!).

Exactly what minervaitalica said

They sound like they have an established hosting tradition which OP and her DH have enjoyed over the years.

They are now transitioning to not being hosts and those traditions being left behind and for some this can be difficult. Another thing you lose with age? Once you were the centre of things and now you are beginning to watch from the sidelines as the younger generation take over. Christmas is full of memories and expectations for adults too!

As long as I wasn't being overloaded I really wouldn't mind them bringing/making anything which would help them to feel they were getting the Christmas they've become accustomed to.

I cheat every year...I get everything from marks and spencers ready to throw in oven! Less washing up too! Tastes delicious and gives me plenty of time to relax!

Part of it stems from OP's confidence in the kitchen I think. She obviously doesn't enjoy doing it. Why prevent someone who does?

Your house, Your Christmas traditions.

When you go to their house they can do it their way.

I would say exactly that to them. Good luck

Yep, that's the spirit of Christmas!

But by ILs bringing the extra bits that they want, they are turning it into their version of Christmas Lunch.

Of course it doesn´t matter if there´s no extra work for OP, it´s the implied criticism that would piss me off tbh.

Well, I´m obviously easily pleased as OPs lunch sounds fine to me and I find it that anyone would find that disappointing.

TBH, much more than that & it sounds like gluttony to me.

Christmas lunch really doesn't have to be at all stressful.

Most of the trimmings, pigs in blankets, stuffings, cranberry sauce etc can be made up in advance and frozen. Cauliflower cheese (if wanted?) can also be made up in advance and stuck in the freezer.

Then it's just a matter of cooking a roast dinner, but easier because there should be no yorkshire puddings!

We always have a starter, but an easy, made in advance one.

I love doing christmas lunch for our family. We're only having six this year, having lost too many lovely relatives over the years, that makes it all the more special that, for once in the year, we can all get together. I want to celebrate that by catering to their tastes as much as possible.

And yes, we do make too much, but that's part of the joy of christmas, eating up the leftovers, plus it saves on buying all that tacky christmas crap the shops are full of. No cheesey footballs in this house!

Two types of spud and yorkshires on top sounds very stodgy to me....

So the skiing gardener: someone offers to bring extra food to a Xmas lunch and you say "no way - my house my rules: you are NOT going to bring extra food: you just eat what I give you and you will be happy about it". Charming.

We're having turkey and gammon. I think they go well together and we are more than happy to eat leftover turkey and ham for the next week. I always plan my Christmas dinner with leftover bubble & squeak in mind.

I agree with PPs about accepting FIL's offer of homemade stuffing, and if you don't want to make your own yorkshires I would recommend getting shop bought from the fresh meat section, rather than frozen, they taste more homemade and only take a couple of minutes in the oven.

Also would ask ILs to bring second dessert and would only do swede, not mashed pots as well (unless you particularly like mash obviously).

Or alternatively, if you're quite happy with what you've got planned stick with it. It's your house, your menu after all.

Well, all you reluctant cookers, be thankful you are not bringing your families up in Sweden: it's the full smorgasbord there! And 7 homemade biscuit varieties for tea. Absolutely non-negotiable. Fortunately I get the impression that my Swedish relatives rather enjoy cooking- and it is not a job that falls solely to the woman of the house.

(btw it's not wasteful consumption: we live off the leftovers for days afterwards)

"much more than that & it sounds like gluttony to me".

You can have 5 courses and eat moderately by having small portions (tasters really!) - or have just turkey and the trimmings, overeat massively and waste half of it. I would say the real gluttony is the second case - so I go for the first one . And even then, if (shock horror!) once a year one displays a little bit of gluttony, well, it's hardly a capital offence - humans do eat for pleasure as well as for fuel, so it's hardly surprising that people want a slightly different meal on a celebration.

And I do not get this argument re: flexibility of traditions - the ILs may be inflexible but the OP is not massively flexible either...

To be honest I'd be clearing out my freezer in the next few weeks looking to fill it again at their expense..:)

Let them bring their special stuffing...

Let them bring their beef...

Do Auntie Bessie's yorkshires and then completely fill your freezer with what is left over.....should feed your family for most of January.

We're veggies so I've had my fair share of implied criticism and felt under great pressure in the early years of our marriage to produce something close to their tradition.

I never took the stance though that because I was doing it I was going to dictate what could and couldn't be allowed.

I make what I make but I am more than happy for them to bring their turkey, sauces whatever. MIL brings all sorts actually - some of it gets used some doesn't. But she feels free to do so and that in itself smoothes things along. Sometimes it is ok to say I know this isn't what you're used to but it's the best I can do for now and if you want to add something else then by all means.

Sometimes you can go looking for problems or if one presents itself, make it worse, by being stubborn. They are talking about a bit of beef and two lots of stuffing at the end of the day.

I have issues with my MIL but I wouldn't get bogged down by things like this.

exactly minerva, flexibility.

wubbly - quite agree. But I think the stress levels would rise in my house if I had to cook a monster turkey and beef and do yorkshires as well as all the other stuff. Not to mention my oven wouldn't be big enough!

I do all the extras the day before and put them in the fridge. I could add cauliflower cheese to that (in fact I think I have before now).

sounds a bit mean not having a starter...

Ask them to bring that. Won't take much for them to cook up a soup the day before and bring it round.

And let them bring the other stuff too.

Sounds nice of them for offering to help out.

Otherwise it just sounds like a normal Sunday lunch to me.

And I'm sure everyone will help with clearing up etc. That's what families are for.

To be honest I'd prefer a less fancy freshly made meal as you've described than something with all the trimmings but mostly bought from m&s or made in advance.

That said, I'd still take the in laws up on their offer. No skin off my nose and I wouldn't take it as a snub. It seems a lot of people try and assign hidden meaning to fairly innocuous actions.

My in laws came over for Christmas once, I was working in the morning and arrived home to find everything cooking/prepared when I'd been expecting to do myself. A fleeting bit of a guilt that they'd come as guests and done all the work, but it never crossed my mind that they'd done it because they thought my efforts wouldn't be good enough.

Flexibility-yes, of course.

It just seems to me that if the ILs were saying for example we´ll provide a starter/the stuffing/the pudding to save you the trouble, then that´s great.

It just seems that they think OP isn´t doing it properly & they need to correct that by providing what they think is missing.

If I´ve misinterpreted, than I apologise.

Well, it´s a good job I´m not catering for a lot of you as you´d go home grumbling by the sounds of things

Even if what Op is doing is similar to a Sunday roast what would make it Christmas for me is that it´s turkey & there is Christmas pud for pudding!

Luxury-we only have that every other year when my Dad brings one out!

A pudding that is, not a turkey

Well, it's fine for MIL to ask if she wants to bring extras - it's not fine for MIL to be arsey about it of course (It's not clear whether she was or not tbh).

But when OP said that she would do "stuffing" at a push... Well that would push me over the edge

OP got an impression. She didn't speak to MIL directly.

MIL may well have implied something (MILs ) or not but OP doesn't have to make this into a thing. It's easily resolved.

OP is a reluctant cook and I think she is already stressing about that (being the real issue) so she should concentrate on making her part in the day as easy as possible by advance prep or delegation.