To want to cook a nice christmas dinner but not to be expected to be expected to make in ott?

[springchik]

We are having christmas dinner at home with my 2 dcs aged 3 and 5. My pils are also comming. They always made a huge thing of christmas dinner a starter 2 sorts as meat (a turkey and something else) homemade stuffing and masses of vegtables and homemade yorkshire puddings aswell followed by christmas pudding plus an alternative desserts if you like. I know because I have been a few times over the years (either christmas day or boxing day) also dh has told me many times! LOL!

Anyway I have made clear to dh that whilst I will cook a nice christmas dinner I WILL NOT go to town in that way. I want to have time as well to enjooy the dcs opening their presents and just be able to spend time with them aswell as cook! So NO starters, no homemade yorkshire puddings, no cauliflour cheese (dh requested this tho!) AND no 2nd sort of meat. I will be cooking turkey, roast pots and mash, roast parsnips, carrots swede, brussel sprouts and if pushed possibly aunt bessys yorkshires and stuffing (shop bought) alsoo christmas pud (which they all like plus an alternative for ds2 who didnt like it last year.

However when dh explained this to inlaws at the weekend mil nsaid dont be so silly its Christmas I'll buy some beef if you like and fil will make 2 sorts of stuffing. I just got the distinct impressiion she thinnks I should really go to town and make a bigger thing of the dinner than I am. She just seemed disaproving and dismissive. Are my plans unreasonable? By the way I find the whole cooking a big dinner quite hard and stressful anyway another reason to want to keep it reasonably simple!

[diddl]

When you say cook all at home & bring-do mean everything or just the extras that they want?

Well, if it´s not going to interfere with your cooking, then let her-less time in the kitchen for you.

Husband doesn´t sound much help though.

No wonder she acts like she does when he makes it so obvious that he prefers his mothers Christmas dinner.

[springchik]

She has a sarcastic and dismissive manner sometimes that is hard to put across through simply typing words! But she did offer to cook it all at home and bring it in and dh was telling me today its what he wants too so I have decided I wont decline her offers after all. Especially as I dont think she'd listen anyway!

[springchik]

Sorry I meant I'll do yorkshire puddings "at a push" just reread and realise it looks like I dont do stuffing! I do I simply couldnt get away with that in our house lol! I didnt just "get an impression" from mil I was there she said dont be so silly its christmas when dh tried to explain that we were not going ott. Also I tried to explain and decline the beef offer but she did her usual of ignoring/nottaking notice. I think its her way of insuring she still get dinner her way! Also as i said she spends her christmases/family occassions stressing in the kitchen while we "don our tin helmets" as dh put it in the living room. Tried offering help and we have had our head bitten off!! Dont want to be stressed like that on christmas day I want my children to enjoy the day and so do I!

[onceamai]

Op I posted on about p5. I've had a think since then - we do it my way in our house because nobody has ever challenged what I do or offered to bring/cook anything - my MIL expects to be waited on hand and foot when she's here. Now what your MIL is suggesting isn't to my taste but you know, she's offering to make a contribution and that is a blessing and actually I think you should accept it gracefully, serve it and thank her for being so kind and for giving as well as taking.

[wornoutbutstillwonderful]

Oh we have beef and turkey here,I like to have turkey for obvious reasons and dh doesn't like it he likes beef, its not really any hassle tbh and I certainy don't spend all day in kitchen everything is prepared day before(or earlier) all left over meat quickly goes as we have family over boxing day afternoon and I put on a simple spread that they help themselves to.

[whoneedssleepanyway]

I personally would ditch the mashed potato and do mashed carrot and swede instead...and then tell ILs that is v kind and would they bring stuffing and a pudding but you won't have room for a second joint in your oven.

that would seem to be a fair compromise.

i don't think you MIL is being rude, I think she probably just thinks she is being helpful.

Christmas is funny everyone likes things done a certain way, you grow up with your own traditions so when you go to say your ILs for christmas it seems different.

At the end of the day doesn't massively matter what you eat (within reason) as long as you all have a merry old time together!

[becaroo]

M&S yorkshires all the way for me!!

[SpringHeeledJack]

...only joking. iirc the first family Christmas dinner I ever cooked, we ended up eating at 10.30

[SpringHeeledJack]

no cauliflower cheese??





Auntie Bessie's yorkshires??

[FindingMyMojo]

I'd do what you are doing & get inlaws & DH to sort out the starter & all the extras. Many hands etc etc

[Truckulent]

I've made my son macaroni cheese for Christmas dinner before as he didn't like the traditional food when he was younger.

[ChunkyChick]

We are having turkey and beef because I don't like turkey and my husband likes beef. Does that make me a chav?

[badfairy]

Personally I will be purchasing all the christmassy bits....who can be faffed with making it all yourself when you want to play with the toys your kids have been bought !

[badfairy]

Yep "Your house your rules." as a pp said. I think it is the ultimate in bad manners ( even for relations) to suggest otherwise. And why do people have to gorge themselves stupid anyway !

[Litchick]

I think offers of food/help depend upon the spirit they are offered.

A cheerful offer to bring mince pies, is greatly appreciated. A sly dig at my dry pastry is not.

Worse than offers are demands.

Guests who demand it be done in a certain way, or pull a cat bum when they see the food, declaring 'oh we always have xyz.'

Mother is a case in point. Every year she requests brussel sprouts. Every year I decline. I loath them. I loath the smell of them cooking. And I do not like farting old women for the rest of the day.

[brass]

OP got an impression. She didn't speak to MIL directly.

MIL may well have implied something (MILs ) or not but OP doesn't have to make this into a thing. It's easily resolved.

OP is a reluctant cook and I think she is already stressing about that (being the real issue) so she should concentrate on making her part in the day as easy as possible by advance prep or delegation.

[minervaitalica]

Well, it's fine for MIL to ask if she wants to bring extras - it's not fine for MIL to be arsey about it of course (It's not clear whether she was or not tbh).

But when OP said that she would do "stuffing" at a push... Well that would push me over the edge

[diddl]

A pudding that is, not a turkey

[diddl]

Flexibility-yes, of course.

It just seems to me that if the ILs were saying for example we´ll provide a starter/the stuffing/the pudding to save you the trouble, then that´s great.

It just seems that they think OP isn´t doing it properly & they need to correct that by providing what they think is missing.

If I´ve misinterpreted, than I apologise.

Well, it´s a good job I´m not catering for a lot of you as you´d go home grumbling by the sounds of things

Even if what Op is doing is similar to a Sunday roast what would make it Christmas for me is that it´s turkey & there is Christmas pud for pudding!

Luxury-we only have that every other year when my Dad brings one out!

[tyler80]

To be honest I'd prefer a less fancy freshly made meal as you've described than something with all the trimmings but mostly bought from m&s or made in advance.

That said, I'd still take the in laws up on their offer. No skin off my nose and I wouldn't take it as a snub. It seems a lot of people try and assign hidden meaning to fairly innocuous actions.

My in laws came over for Christmas once, I was working in the morning and arrived home to find everything cooking/prepared when I'd been expecting to do myself. A fleeting bit of a guilt that they'd come as guests and done all the work, but it never crossed my mind that they'd done it because they thought my efforts wouldn't be good enough.

[NonnoMum]

sounds a bit mean not having a starter...

Ask them to bring that. Won't take much for them to cook up a soup the day before and bring it round.

And let them bring the other stuff too.

Sounds nice of them for offering to help out.

Otherwise it just sounds like a normal Sunday lunch to me.

And I'm sure everyone will help with clearing up etc. That's what families are for.

[Ormirian]

wubbly - quite agree. But I think the stress levels would rise in my house if I had to cook a monster turkey and beef and do yorkshires as well as all the other stuff. Not to mention my oven wouldn't be big enough!

I do all the extras the day before and put them in the fridge. I could add cauliflower cheese to that (in fact I think I have before now).

[brass]

exactly minerva, flexibility.

[brass]

We're veggies so I've had my fair share of implied criticism and felt under great pressure in the early years of our marriage to produce something close to their tradition.

I never took the stance though that because I was doing it I was going to dictate what could and couldn't be allowed.

I make what I make but I am more than happy for them to bring their turkey, sauces whatever. MIL brings all sorts actually - some of it gets used some doesn't. But she feels free to do so and that in itself smoothes things along. Sometimes it is ok to say I know this isn't what you're used to but it's the best I can do for now and if you want to add something else then by all means.

Sometimes you can go looking for problems or if one presents itself, make it worse, by being stubborn. They are talking about a bit of beef and two lots of stuffing at the end of the day.

I have issues with my MIL but I wouldn't get bogged down by things like this.

[Bathsheba]

To be honest I'd be clearing out my freezer in the next few weeks looking to fill it again at their expense..:)

Let them bring their special stuffing...

Let them bring their beef...

Do Auntie Bessie's yorkshires and then completely fill your freezer with what is left over.....should feed your family for most of January.