To want to cook a nice christmas dinner but not to be expected to be expected to make in ott?

[springchik]

We are having christmas dinner at home with my 2 dcs aged 3 and 5. My pils are also comming. They always made a huge thing of christmas dinner a starter 2 sorts as meat (a turkey and something else) homemade stuffing and masses of vegtables and homemade yorkshire puddings aswell followed by christmas pudding plus an alternative desserts if you like. I know because I have been a few times over the years (either christmas day or boxing day) also dh has told me many times! LOL!

Anyway I have made clear to dh that whilst I will cook a nice christmas dinner I WILL NOT go to town in that way. I want to have time as well to enjooy the dcs opening their presents and just be able to spend time with them aswell as cook! So NO starters, no homemade yorkshire puddings, no cauliflour cheese (dh requested this tho!) AND no 2nd sort of meat. I will be cooking turkey, roast pots and mash, roast parsnips, carrots swede, brussel sprouts and if pushed possibly aunt bessys yorkshires and stuffing (shop bought) alsoo christmas pud (which they all like plus an alternative for ds2 who didnt like it last year.

However when dh explained this to inlaws at the weekend mil nsaid dont be so silly its Christmas I'll buy some beef if you like and fil will make 2 sorts of stuffing. I just got the distinct impressiion she thinnks I should really go to town and make a bigger thing of the dinner than I am. She just seemed disaproving and dismissive. Are my plans unreasonable? By the way I find the whole cooking a big dinner quite hard and stressful anyway another reason to want to keep it reasonably simple!

[rookiemater]

YANBU but if you do feel obliged to provide additions such as cauliflower cheese etc this is exactly what M&S was designed for.

[SpeedyGonzalez]

As always AnyFucker is right.

Do you usually give in to what your ILs want? I do, and it drives me round the bend.

[theevildead2]

We always have obscene amounts of food, doesn't get wasted though. We spend the week picking at all the leftovers and enjoying not having to cook.

[springchik]

I wouldnt have space in my oven to do what everyone wants. I am doing what dh likes I'm doing yorkshires even though I NEVER had them as a child on christmas day. My parents now know to alway do them when we go round! Also dh is having cauliflour cheese on boxing day plus another christmas dinner!

[snowDancing]

pooka
I'd prefer to concentrate on the kids and cooking a few things well.

We are like that. We both remember a lot of screaming rows and tears stress on Christmas day between our parents.

Family, stress and a kitchen full of knives - reason we have Christmas to ourselves.

[theevildead2]

If they bring the food hot and covered would that be OK? Where I'm from everyone always brings a dish.

[Hulababy]

You are not being unreasonable to do things your way, esp if you are cooking

BUT I would have to do homemade Yorkies - Aunt Bessies are just not the same and real Yorkshire puddings are so easy and so good. They are the best bit!

[UniS]

ONLY if they bring the beef ready cooked, to be sliced for sandwiches at tea time/ boxing day.

Just thank them & tell them you have dinner sorted.

Personally I/ dh will be serving 2 meats, BUT one will be a ham that was cooked day before and we do it coz we want to make duck and ham soup for boxing day. Stuffing will be shop bought, yorkshires will not be on the menu.

[snowDancing]

springchik I think your PIL are lucky you want to cook for them so they can spend some quality time enjoying their GDC with out having to worry about food this year.

Can you find a polite way to point that out to them ?

[BonniePrinceBilly]

How am I being harsh, Op asks AIBU, I say yes, I think you are, heres why.
I didn't have a go, I didn't swear, wheres your problem?

I think yes, it is U to not try to accomodate guests at Christmas. Am I not allowed a different opinion to you?

I've done xmas dinner for 22 people, and managed to make all of them happy. I wouldn;t say fuck off this is what I want to do and hand out bangers and mash.

[springchik]

mil always gets stressed when cooking any dinner for us but especially a roast. Fil is always in the firing line dc are a nusance who get under her feet/in the way and as dh says we need to put our tin helmets on. We just sit in awkward silence in the front roon trying to keep our heads down/out of her way! No point in offering to help as we just get a mouthful. Mil always conveniently forgets the stress and just remembers the meal....until next time! I dont want that kind of stress I just dont I want my dc to enjoy the day and I want to spend time with them which is what dh was trying to explain to my mil at the weekend. Imo it is not silly to want that!

[AnyFucker]

I fucking hate Christmas < grumps >

[springchik]

Marys My mum did exactly that last year it was great
Bonnie I am not offering banger and mash am I? What is wrong with my menu? Not actually discussed with pils by the way just said that we are not going over the top!

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

again, the OP is not suggesting bangers and mash or tinned soup or crisps.

Of course you are allowed a different opinion, but I'm also allowed to think that your opinion is harsh.

[dixiechick1975]

Dessertwise I would just do xmas pud - your DS can try a little with the sauce or just eat choc after instead.

Keep it simple.

[springchik]

Cooking huge dinner stress me anyway I remeber last year stressing and shaking cooking the dinner. How can a stressed mum make a happy christmas for my dc. Also we didnt invite pil technically they invited themselves! Mil said "I dont suppose you could make room for us 2 could you?" And I said ofcourse you can come!

[BonniePrinceBilly]

Right so its one of those; AIBU,
Yes you are, no you're not etc
OP I am not, how dare you say that to me

Perhaps you wanted the food section if you didn't actually want any to say YABU?

[rookiemater]

Everybody has their own expectations about how christmas dinner should be, it is rude to tell the hostess how to cater for her guests. Bringing stuff for family is ok only if it does not cause extra work for the hostess.

No one does christmas dinner quite the way I like it so if we are going somewhere else, I buy all the stuff I want, put it in the freezer then do a turkey at Easter time.

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

YANBU, but you CAN do a really stunning Christmas dinner and not be stressed on the day. I do Beef wellington, which I pretty much do the day before, so it just needs 30mins in the oven on the day. I make pate the day before, and a huge pot of soup. Prawns and smoked salmon are dead easy. DH peels the spuds while I take the kids to church, and most of my veg are pre-peeled and ready to go- steamer a great thing. Pre-cook some veg dishes, so they just need reheated. I usually make a tiramisu or a cheesecake, again in advance.

It means on the day I need to set the table, bung meat in oven for half an hour, stick pre-prepped raost tatties/veg in oven, stick rest of veg on, quickly reheat red cabbage etc in micro. In between I drink lots of wine, and enjoy the kids' excitement.

I used to hate going to my gran's for christmas dinner, where it was all stress stress stress about what time the turkey would be ready- whole day seemed to revolve around that bloody bird (the turkey, not my gran ) So I don't do it! Noone in our family really likes it anyway, it is grossly overpriced at Christmas (which winds me up) and the timing is everything (if you don't want to poison people/ have sawdust mouth) If you are all ready to go you can eat whenever everyone is ready- much easier than trying to get everyone organised to the kitchen timer (in my family anyway!)

[ratspeaker]

OP
Stick to what you want to do
if they want to cook and bring anything else you can gret your teeth and let them

Last year we had a buffet to cater for veggie and non veggie
My MIL usually cooked a big Xmas dinner but had a stroke earlier that year and I was dashing back and forward to the hospital as my dad was very ill so it was a buffet at MIL which I'd prepared

[Snakeears]

were they trying to be supportive and help?

[canyou]

Jooly no no no you must set the table the night before and check what DP has written on the place cards

[fruitstick]

I did exclude all ham/bacon products from my anti-2 meat stance