To want to cook a nice christmas dinner but not to be expected to be expected to make in ott?

[springchik]

We are having christmas dinner at home with my 2 dcs aged 3 and 5. My pils are also comming. They always made a huge thing of christmas dinner a starter 2 sorts as meat (a turkey and something else) homemade stuffing and masses of vegtables and homemade yorkshire puddings aswell followed by christmas pudding plus an alternative desserts if you like. I know because I have been a few times over the years (either christmas day or boxing day) also dh has told me many times! LOL!

Anyway I have made clear to dh that whilst I will cook a nice christmas dinner I WILL NOT go to town in that way. I want to have time as well to enjooy the dcs opening their presents and just be able to spend time with them aswell as cook! So NO starters, no homemade yorkshire puddings, no cauliflour cheese (dh requested this tho!) AND no 2nd sort of meat. I will be cooking turkey, roast pots and mash, roast parsnips, carrots swede, brussel sprouts and if pushed possibly aunt bessys yorkshires and stuffing (shop bought) alsoo christmas pud (which they all like plus an alternative for ds2 who didnt like it last year.

However when dh explained this to inlaws at the weekend mil nsaid dont be so silly its Christmas I'll buy some beef if you like and fil will make 2 sorts of stuffing. I just got the distinct impressiion she thinnks I should really go to town and make a bigger thing of the dinner than I am. She just seemed disaproving and dismissive. Are my plans unreasonable? By the way I find the whole cooking a big dinner quite hard and stressful anyway another reason to want to keep it reasonably simple!

[GruffalosGirl]

I can see both sides to this. When we go to my DH's family for Christmas on alternate years I always take a ham as they don't do it in his family and for me it wouldn't be Christmas if we didn't have ham and I only have it once a year. This is pre-cooked though so I wouldn't be interfering in someone else's kitchen. Otherwise I'm glad for what I'm given and would expect others to be too. However, I do try to accommodate so for example we'll have bread sauce this year as my DM likes it, wheras we wouldn't usually have it.

We're doing aunt Bessie's Yorkshires as it's pretty much the only thing my DS will eat on a roast and they're easy to do, I wouldn't be doing real ones though - far too stressful on the day. That said my DH is an aspiring chef and so I'll be barred from the kitchen all day.

[traceybath]

But its the way its said on here so often AF.

Personally I try and tailor things to meet the desires of my guests. Especially as I think at christmas people do have quite set ideas as to what constitutes a proper christmas lunch. It also sounds like the in-laws were trying to be helpful and contribute rather than make anyone a martyr to the stove.

[AnyFucker]

actually, I just don't get the sheer greed

it's quite crass, tbh, bearing in mind the poverty all around us (and further afield)

it's just one meal...why does it have be such a bloody banquet

[traceybath]

You are correct there AF - the amount some people want to eat and the hideous amounts people buy and eat over christmas is quite nauseating.

So much gets wasted as well.

[AnyFucker]

tracey, I say it a lot, I admit

I happen to believe it, but it cuts both ways

when I visit others I would not dream of imposing my way of doing things on them

I am quite pathetically grateful for any efforts to feed, water and otherwise entertain me

[springchik]

yes i did forget the pigs in blankets and I loove them! Could buy them and call that the 2nd sort of meat couldnt I? Forgot to mention mil dio buy say shed buy the roast beef cook it in her slow cooker and bring it along also she volunteered fil to make stuffing and bring it with them so in a way that gives me no excuse to turnn mil down but it just seems so ott imo. My ds2 will prob do what he has started to always do when dragged away from something he'd rather be doing and scream get me out!!! But thats another thread!

[NormalityBites]

YABU just to mention Aunt Bessie's - Yorkshire puddings take seconds to whisk up! But you shouldn't have them at Christmas anyway

It does sound like your ILs are trying to be helpful, they wish to bring the things you are not providing, so let them.

I'd be a bit upset to have a dinner as you describe to be honest - Christmas dinner IS a big deal, it's the most important meal of the year, the most opulent, spoiling type meal there is. It should involve hours at the table, several courses, wines, games, conversation....

It doesn't have to mean hours in the kitchen -ATEOTD it's a roast dinner which is the simplest easiest meal there is and 90% can be prepared in advance, all you need do is operate the oven and serve on the day. Why don't you get your Dh to do it if it's his tradition?

[traceybath]

But you're a good guest AF as am I

I probably do too much to please as a host and then end up doing a lot of muttering in the kitchen. Hmmm perhaps you have a point after all

[AnyFucker]

the most important meal of the year is my birthday dinner

[geordieminx]

I can see why you would be pissed off, and they have probably offended you without meaning to.

Having said that, christmas ais a big deal in our house, my mum is a great cook, so growing up we always had a full on xmas dinner, and that's what I do now. I tend to do fewer veg though, and more nice bits like pigs in blankets, stuffing (both from m&s), and a nice pudding, homemade yorkshires though... Aunty bessies really are a crime.

If I was going to someone else's house, and they told me they were doing a normal Sunday roast, I would be disappointed, it's Xmas after all, it's only one day, and so much can be done in advance so that you don't have to spend all day in the kitchen - especially if there is only 4/5 of you.

This is the reason we have dinner at our house... Every year. My way or no way.

[zipzap]

My dad's mum brought 'her proper' stuffing to christmas every time she came to our house for christmas lunch as she was so horrified by my mother's stuffing - which is her family's traditional stuffing.

She would then get upset when there was lots of her stuffing (sausage meat based, pretty horrid) left but the rest of us were all fighting over my mum's stuffing (fresh breadcrumbs, fresh thyme, melted butter and sprinkle of salt, some cooked in the bird, some in a separate dish as there was never enough) - such a simple recipe but completely and utterly gorgeous.

which kind of served her right for bringing it, she got to eat what she liked so was happy in one respect, but then got upset because she had been upstaged by my mum's better cooking!

However it had been going on for so long it had turned into a family joke that she would always turn up with her stuffing so it had got beyond the being rude stage, was more like batty old person.

Definitely think it is rude of your PIL to insist on you doing things their way - either they do things they way that their host does (wonder what their reaction would be if you asked them to do Christmas your traditional way when you are next a guest there...)

if they persist about bringing stuff with them, point out there is no room to cook it or warm it and you have got enough food for the meal, it is all sorted thank you very much.

And if they actually turn up with anything (maybe let one dish of stuffing in if you are feeling charitable) on the day, I'd take it off them very briskly, say 'thank you, but I told you that I HAVE GOT CHIRSTMAS LUNCH SORTED, we won't be needing this, you can take it home with you and have it for boxing day' and take it off them and hide it where they won't find it until you give it back to them to take home. Disappear off with it and mutter loudly to your DH so they don't hear actually so they damn well do about how rude they are to have brought stuff when you asked them not to, how they have ruined christmas and how upset they are about how they have dismissed you and your traditions and how you have been polite about their wretched OTT traditions all this time.

[springchik]

Will def accept the offer of stuffing tried to decline the beef at the weekend but she just wouldnt listen/became deaf and dh was so pleased with the offer as it reminded him of his childhood I think! Yes mash and roast is from my childhood. Also like my mum I always seem to peel to many potatoes so the rest becomes mash and the leftoever mash bubble and squeak. Also ds2 absolutely loves mash more than roast potatoes so its something he'll (hopefully) eat!

[kingbeat23]

My DSis is making a family Christmas this year first time most of us will be together for the first time in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages.

My mum is making the turkey and I am making some (chocolate) mince pies for afters, sis is doing the beg.

1 - her oven is not big enough
2 - she's crap at cooking big meals and she knows it.

[whiteflame]

Well, the attitude would annoy me. But, tbh, if they want to 'help out' by making extra stuff, why not let them? It's no extra work for you as far as i can see, and it will make MIL happy.

[Tootlesmummy]

I do think you ought to have yorkshire puddings though. I am of the opinion a roast or christmas dinner isn't complete with a yorkshire or 3!

[Madmartigan]

This happened the first year my brother combined our parents and his mil. They wanted to do everyone's favourite bits, which included my mum bringing a dessert that took a bit of work. In the event it was two hours late and my brother was stressed to the max, no one had room for my mum's pudding and our parents felt very uncomfortable with the waste and excess. The following year they actually felt driven to say please could you cook less? The opposite of your situation.

[penguin73]

I cook but do it at mum's as more accessible for GPs and it is always a nightmare trying to cater for everyone's tastes.....we still have to have a Christmas pudding even though it never gets touched as only my Dad ever liked it and he died 14 years ago. Only pudding my nan will eat is cold Yorkshires with milk and sugar so we have to have them regardless of the meat. We also have the yearly debate about meat as I like turkey but no-one else does, mum likes beef, DS likes ham and GPs want guinea fowl thi s year.....pizza and vienetta sounds like a fab idea!!!!

[springchik]

I was planning on buying special stuffing! They are also planning on bringing loads of tea things ie haselet, ham and boiled bacon cheese all sorts of desserts etc which is great as it will save us money its a kind offer and I dont mind her bringing tea things at all. However I am wondering if it will be a waste of money if everyones to full from dinner.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

The two meat thing - I don't know. I think it is just the obvious consumption. If you are cooking for 40 people then a cold cooked ham to go alongside the hot turkey would be one thing because you couldn't get a big enough turkey for that many people, but for a meal for 4/6/8/10 people it is bonkers.

The idea to say 'yes please' to them bringing stuffing is a good one. It includes their traditions and will be nicer than shop bought which is also massively expensive I find!

The problem really is that you don't have DH onside with this - he is saying 'yes please' which doesn't leave you a leg to stand on. You need to have a stern word

[pranma]

We always have a joint of gammon alongside the turkey-its not much more work and relieves the cold turkey tedium.Yorkshire pudding with Christmas dinner NO!Your menu sounds fine to me.

[NormalityBites]

But you can't have Yorkshires at Christmas dinner tootlesmummy...firstly because you're already having a starter, secondly because yorkshire puddings don't go with poultry and thirdly because it is not traditional, they are padding to fill tummies when there is a lack of meat which is not deemed necessary for a feast meal - Christmas, Easter, Pentecost, etc.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

penguin that is madness. You need to put your foot down! I am genuinely astonished that people invite guests and then there is a debate about the menu. If you are hosting and cooking then you decide, end of discussion.
Guinea fowl is a crazy suggestion - you will need about 7 birds to feed the numbers of people you are listing there

springchik - can you talk DH round on the basis that they are bringing all the tea things? They sort out that meal and you won't interfere if they will please let you cook the lunch the way you would like to?

[LittleMissHissyFit]

I know it's daunting, but I got Delia's Christmas book, it was the one with the green cover, there is a new one, not sure if it's the same.

She has a count down planner, and tells you what you can make well in advance and bring together on the day. I.e if you want to eat at 2pm, then she tells you what to do when and even builds in time for you to sit down have a cuppa and put your feet up before starting on final descent!

the christmas pud is a lot of work, but can be done now and steamed ready for final steam on the day, I did it last year, it was just delicious. a million times better than shop bought! well worth it!

You can actually do a lot starting now, agreed yorkshire bloody puddings are not part of Traditional Christmas spread, but you can prepare almost everything else well in advance.

[snowDancing]

We do not do family over Christmas but PIL still comment on our menu - we do not like Turkey so have goose, beef, 3 bird roast basically something we like and microwaveable veg and frozen roast veg. Dessert be it Christmas pudding or trifle is for tea not immediate after a huge meal. We get to spend max time with the DC not fighting in kitchen like our parents did.

People get very het up by one meal - if something is missing from your meal is not like they can not do for themselves on boxing day or New year day or enjoy it all the more next year.

If it starts to get complex get your DH to cook. MIL did that one year as FIL menu got to much. He did it one year and every year since they have a nice holiday at Christmas instead.

[Ormirian]

YANBU.

Yorkshire pudding? Only if you are having beef and you aren't.

We have a baked ham but that's for boxing day.