To wonder about people spending lots of money of kids presents...

[MumNWLondon]

... when they can't really afford it.

My (Polish) cleaner has always lived "hand to mouth" but had used all her spare money (and sometimes credit cards) to indulge her daughter for her birthday and Christmas.

I am talking about spending >£100 on each occasion. My cleaner has always gone without, barely eating, only buying clothes in charity shops, never going out etc etc.

Anyway the daughter is now 17 and has no idea of value of money as she has always been given everything she wants. Daughter is now doing a 3 day a week course so cleaner suggested she gets a part-time job (to cover going out costs etc NOT food/lodging), the daughter is aghast - because she expects her mother to pay for everything. She has gone into a strop as her mother will not pay for her to take 10 friends to a restuarant for dinner. And she told her mother she needed a netbook for college (she didn't) - she just uses it for facebook etc.

My cleaner explained to me hat she indulged her daughter to protect her from the fact that they were so poor. But now it has backfired as daughter is almost an adult and refuses to believe that now she has to learn to pay her way.

I am totally at this - ie idea of indulging children by spending money you don't really have (thinking of another thread today) - is this common? AIBU to think that this is really stupid.

Well i seem to know quite a few people who say they have no money/hardly any money (and have no reason to disbelieve them) but when it comes to buying things for their DC they seem determined to spend spend spend.

In fact the less money people seem to have the more determined they seem to be to buy their DC new stuff instead of second hand/ebay/charity.

Almost make me feel daft/weird for loving the bargain side of things, as well as knowing my DC don't care if something comes in its packaging. almost.

Each to their own. Some people smoke or drink money they haven't really got or eat out a lot. Some people scrimp and spend everything they have on private schools. The daughter's spolit behaviour is a bit of a separate issue really.

spolit? :o

I'm sure I once read somewhere that on average, poorer people spend proportionately more on Xmas than those that are better off. This is supported by another thread where a girl asked her friend for money for food rather than dipping into her xmas fund.

We're poor but i spend a fair bit on the kids at christmas, not really at birthdays as they get given a choice between a decent present or a party and always choose the party.

I do it for the opposite reason though, the kids spend all year long hearing 'We can't afford that' so i like to give them just one chance a year to be spoiled a bit.

The differance is my kids don't expect it and never whine when i tell them no. There are lots of toys they like the look of and lust after on tv or in the catalogues but when asked what they wanted to ask santa for dd said 'A new person for my vet clinic' and ds asked for hungry hungry hippos.

Some people want their DC's to have "more/Better" than they did in terms of education or material possessions and are prepared to sacrifice/scrimp and save/incur some debt for that.
I don't think the 17 year daughter of your cleaner behaves like that purely because her mum spent £100 a time on presents for birthdays/Christmas when she didn't really have it. The amount you quote is a lot if you're living hand to mouth but not within the context of what many teenagers have spent on them.

£100is not much to spend on a 17 YO.
Why don't you pay her a bit more so she can afford to eat AND give her daughter a xmas present

I think it depends if they have a lot spent on them at other times.

I will buy DD little things between occasions. IF she really gets into particular things, but wasn't compelled to spend that much on birthday/christmas.

Whereas other people will save up for a long time saying no and then give all the treats on occasions.

It probably works out the same money overall, and tbh is better as you are saying 'no' more often through the year.

I think my cleaner was buying stuff not just on birthdays and christmas but at other times as she can't bear to say no.

We have enough money to buy kids whatever I want but I never buy my kids toys etc during the year. I don't say that we can't afford it as we could, just that they can wait for their birthdays as why else would I buy a present? Kids get excited when I buy new underwear in primark or bubble bath!

They get quite a few birthday presents from grandparents/aunts etc - thats when they can ask for the things they've seen in catalogues - although sometimes it is joint presents eg aunts/uncles (2 mine and 2 2dh's) generally spend around £10-£15 each. Grandparents (and parents) spend more like £30. This year DD asked for money to put in the bank for when she is older as she says she doesn't need anything.

Of course I would sacrifice etc to save for education (if necessary) but material possessions are not important. (Am not talking about smallish things like hungry hippos - more like people buying kids TVs/wii/NDS etc etc.)