to get annoyed by

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

....people who think that because they don't do X or Y they are vastly superior parents. E.G " I don't let my kids eat grapes in the supermarket so I am BETTER as a parent thatn you"
OR
"I carry my baby in a sling/only use a bugaboo therefore I am a BETTER parent"
OR
" I never let my children watch t.v/cry for more than 2 seconds/feed on demand therefore am a BETTER parent.
What is witht the smuggness? I don't think I'm a better parent beacuse of my parenting choices they just work for my DC's and me. In fact there are things that I've had in my head as absolute that I've had to change my mind about because they just don't work with my DC or in the circumstances i live in now. If something works for you great, if you know you would never do X,Y or Z equally great. We are all different and we are all doing our best so why act as if the choices we make make us morally superior.

I suppose the thing about playpen/reins for me is that, I tried them and they didn't work for me.

So I don't agree with the people who think they are evil, but the people who obsesses about how amazing they are annoy me just as much.

Nothing works for everybody. It's the only viable fact in parenting.

The thing about parenting is that it is an ongoing complex process.
To confuse matters further, we all want to be the best parent we can be.

But there's no way to really know what is best.
So we reduce the process into discrete packages and lable them good or bad.

We know it's silly, but we can't help ourselves, particulary when children are young and every action takes on seemingly enormous lasting consequence.

As children get older, we see that, in fact, despite all these childen having been brought up differently, they are all great kids.

So I have no hesitation in believing that a dyed-in-the-wool SAHM like Riven, will have beautiful children.
But also, I suspect Xenia's kids will be well rounded super individuals.

I only use a sling or a bugaboo...so will be equally sneered at by both sided of the argument! (2nd hand bugaboo off ebay.)

Ha ha ha...

SIL was NEVER going to shout / get cross / discipline (harshly) her children.
She was also going to cloth nappy / BF for ever and hand make everything....

THEN she became a parent...how DH and I have larfed at her and her DH 'coping' (or not) with the transition - they basically moved into the PILs house and are there nearly every w/end as the PILs look after their DCs...tee hee hee. OK, we were already parents and had accepted how useless we were/are...

Oh and there are still those moments - we were weaning at the same time and I was feeding DC at the table.

SIL was telling me all about the wonderful home made dinners she ALWAYS cooked for PFB (also weaning)...

Meanwhile I was smiling serenly and spooning a well known branded jar into my DCs mouth, nodding sagely and basking in her magnificence (yawn, oh you're such a better mummy than I am with my commercial baby food) trying to make the point 'isn't it lucky we all do it differently...'when she turned and stated down the kitchen - 'I really can't STAND X brand of baby food, who would do that to their child?' in her best yummy mummy voice....

Oh yes, it was X brand on the jar. ROFL. The subtlety.

BUT, I did cloth nappy to toilet training and BF for 2 years, plus MY knitting actually looks like stuff, not just a heap of yarn, ha ha ha, so I feel a sense of smug when these events occur

We are all talented in different and equally important areas of parenting. ie we know our own selves, circumstances and kids and do the very best that we can at any given time...

Now - what about competative poverty...

bb I'm in for a bit of competitive poverty! Tis 3 days til pay day and the cupboards are bare!!

at competitive poverty! We haven't got central heating, dontcherknow! >

(we have storage heaters instead.)

We're getting coal for Christmas... but perhaps that's because we've been sooooo naughty!

I told dd that I worked down a mine when I was her age. She's 5. She believes me

I used to think other parents thought they were better than me because of the type thing you listed, I then realised that I was being paranoid and the vast majority of parents just do what they feel is best for their own kids - if they didn't think it was the best way they probably wouldn't do it that way, right? Saying that there is an awful lot of marketing & 'scientic studies' of dubious motives out their aimed at parents feel inadequate enough to buy into a product/idea and then feel superior they have done, it's no surprise some people fall foul of this, just be confident in your own chioces.

Sorry, typo, was meant to read - aimed at parents to make them feel inadequate enough

But surely we all do the things that we think are the best for our children?

The choices I make for my children are made specifically because I think that's the best thing to do.

I do think my way is best. But at the same time I don't think your way is inferior, just that it is what you have chosen to be your best way of doing things.

Surely we can believe strongly in what we are doing without it implying disapproval of others? In fact, there is no surely about it. I know it can be done. My very good friend and I have never once made the same choice regarding ANYTHING to do with our (same aged) children. I think she's barking. She thinks I'm loopy. And we both KNOW that we are doing the best thing for our children. There is no judgement or disapproval.

I think people are quick to see disapproval where there is none, and always about things they feel slightly insecure about to start with. That isn't a criticism - we all do it in all walks of life, not just parenting.

But I don't look at your way of doing things and think my way is best it's different. And I have found to my cost that when I have that sort of attitude it ususally bites me on the bum! E.G i used to think that anyone who breastfed beyond a year was mad. I would trot out the clichees about "They don't need it nutritionallY", "It's only for comfort" etc etc.
Fast forward a few years to DC3 breastfed til he was 17 months and DC4 til she was 2 and a bit! Live and learn eh

Yanbu it is quite irritating those who are smug and think there is only way of doing things, judge people on their choices etc
but i think you just have to have a thick skin and get on with it, you will never please everyone so just please yourself/your dc with whatever works best for you cos whatever choices you make some know it all will have something negative to say @ some point

No. I know I am right and my way is best.

Once someone says 'never' and 'always' i stop listening.
I dont get the 'always use sling', 'never watch tv' , 'never stay up' etc.

Life is easier and more fun if you do 'sometimes' parenting