Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

being annoyed with MIL over New Years Eve arrangements

16 replies

kanchan · 23/11/2010 11:50

We're at my parents over Xmas and I invited my inlaws to spend New Years with us which my MIL was happy about.

This morning she's told me her DD has decided to go down to hers for New Years so they're not coming. She says we could go too but we'd have to sleep on inflatable beds as her daughter, husband and kids will be taking the beds....isn't that awful?

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 23/11/2010 11:54

It is rude to say 'oh no I've had a better offer'.

But not awful awful.

Are you more annoyed about the change of plans, or the fact that you are not top-priority for getting beds?

FrostyBaubles · 23/11/2010 11:54

Sounds like something my ils would do,except mine probably wouldnt invite us for NYE anyway.

Politely decline & have a lovely evening at home.

As an aside why do some mils favour their dds over their dss?

taintedpaint · 23/11/2010 11:56

It's very rude to change plans like that. Is MIL like this a lot of the time? Are there extenuating circumstances, like does she not get chance to spend time with her DD? Is it possible her DD has sprung this on her and MIL is in an impossible situation so is trying to please everyone?

I think you need to find out more before condemning MIL for it, but YANBU for being annoyed regardless I don't think.

Asteria · 23/11/2010 11:57

YABa tiny bitU. She has given you plenty of warning. I can see why she might prefer to spend New Year with her DD rather than with your parents, although I am sure that they are lovely - they are not her family. It's a bugger that she pulled out of your offer, but New Year is like that anyway.

I take it that she is not exatly overrun with spare beds? Inflatables are not as bad as all that and if you really want to be with her for New Year either get really plastered so you don't care what you sleep on or persuade all the DC's to bunk down together on the inflatables.

Original poster
kanchan · 23/11/2010 11:59

hmmm....it is actually favouring her dd over her son, I think. Or maybe even preferring her dds family to mine!

Either way I feel like I'm playing second fiddle...she's not only changed the plans but we don't even get beds:(

OP posts:
Original poster
kanchan · 23/11/2010 12:02

asteria, no my parents are not around at new years...we're going to them for xmas so I thought it would be nice if MILs came to us for some of the festive period.

We do see more of her than her dd because we live nearer but still....

OP posts:
FrostyBaubles · 23/11/2010 12:02

I would just politely decline & get some scrummy food & booze in & have a lovely family night at home with your dh & dc.

TrillianAstra · 23/11/2010 12:06

You don't have to go.

Original poster
kanchan · 23/11/2010 12:15

I don't think we will...but it will cause resentment on my part. funny thing is DH is not bothered about it and it's his mum!

OP posts:
upahill · 23/11/2010 12:21

I wouldn't over think it tbh.

Parents are put in awful postitions with their kids trying to prise out who the parent prefers best. Seems like it carries on into adulthood with the DIL starting.
that game to
Gee I've got a lot to look forward to!

SkyBluePearl · 23/11/2010 12:44

don't go and just say you don't want to sleep on blow up beds really.

Asteria · 23/11/2010 15:36

Gotcha - sorry I didn't realise that you would be hosting them in your own home - rather than with your parents too. In that case she was being bloody rude

saffy85 · 23/11/2010 15:51

Look on the bright side, you'll have an inlaw free NYE! Grin I agree it's a bit rude to cancel one DC for another DC. Inlaws have sort of done this to us. They were going to come down and stay at SIL's for christmas so DD would see them on christmas eve but they are staying oop north now as SIL is heading up there instead. I'm truly gutted I wont seem them until aleast 28th! Wink

Jux · 23/11/2010 15:56

I think if she sees much less of her daughter then it's fair enough actually.

I'd just be glad I wasn't having to host them at new year. If I really wanted to see them then I'd suggest hosting them and her dd and family at mine (but that ain't never going to happen!).

Itsjustafleshwound · 23/11/2010 16:01

The treatment meted out to my BILs wives is shocking compared to the treatment given to my SILs by my MIL.

Personally, it is no skin off my nose - and I have stopped trying or making an issue of it - I don't expect and I don't get hurt.

At least you will have a good time with your parents and won't be sleeping on the floor !

diddl · 23/11/2010 16:08

"We do see more of her than her dd because we live nearer but still...."

Well then I guess you can´t really blame her.

And she has offered an alternative that takes account of everyone-albeit that the sleeping arrangements wouldn´t be good for you.

I´d say tell her you won´t go then & you´ll see her some other time.

We are abroad & Ils have never visited.

Husband is an only child-now that is hard not to take personallyGrin

New posts on this thread. Refresh page