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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my friend's BF is totally over-reacting?

17 replies

girlynut · 23/11/2010 10:41

My best friend was 40 this summer and I wanted to get her something a bit different as she'd already had all the spa weekends, balloon rides, etc. So I bought her a boudoir photography shoot with a company called For Your Eyes Only. She's quite a risque character and was really pleased with the gift.

I decided to have my own shoot too so we had a lovely day at the studio having hair and makeup done before prancing around (in separate studios I hasten to add!) in an assortment of lingerie and less!

The team at the studio were all girls and made us feel very relaxed.

A few weeks later we were able to access our photos on the website using the passwords we had set up. The photos were amazing! Not at all "page 3 stunner" but very black and white "Athena" type. Think Gok Wan type pics. My friend cried with happiness when she saw hers because the lighting and poses have made her look fantastic.

I'm so pleased that she's happy with the photos. After having two DCs she has the usual body hang-ups and was delighted to have something to restore her self-esteem and confidence and make her proud of her body.

Sadly, her BF does not share her feelings. He is very over-protective e.g. makes a fuss if she gets the milk off the door step in her dressing gown. He won't accept that the shoot was done by a totally female team and that the website is secure. So he is concerned (unnecessarily I think) that the photos will end up all over the internet. My friend has tried to assure him that the photos are private and she will not be sharing them but he says he "knows what she is like". He is even cross when she suggested she might have one as a canvas in the bedroom, as any friends or family who stay over might see it!

More worryingly, he is suggesting that she has somehow damaged their relationship by letting somebody else (albeit a female photographer) see something that he considers special to him. Don't get me wrong - he isn't a domineering abusive character and they have a very healthy love life - but he has put her on a pedestal and doesn't understand why she wanted to do the shoot, as she looks like that to him all the time.

Although she assures me that she loves the photos and that's all that matters, I feel responsible for causing this problem in their relationship. He usually makes her so happy and this is their first serious ruck. It's been a couple of months now and they haven't resolved the issue.

AIBU to think that he should just get over it and accept that his gorgeous girlfriend just wanted something more than his reassurance to improve her confidence?

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 23/11/2010 10:44

Don't feel responsible. He's a cock. Sorry.

PhishFoodAddiction · 23/11/2010 10:46

YANBU, he is over-reacting. Sounds like an amazing experience for you and your friend- he should be happy for her not making her feel guilty.

FindingMyMojo · 23/11/2010 10:46

YANBU - sounds like he has some big jealousy issues (and possibly control issues surfacing too). The whole experience has made your friend feel wonderful until he brought a downer on the whole thing.

If he is seriously suggesting that this has damaged their relationship, I'd propose that he's done something to damage the relationship (as yet unknown to your friend) and he is projecting his guilt onto your friend?

cheekyseamonkey · 23/11/2010 10:58

YANBU - He sounds like a real treat. He doesn't own her. My DH would love it if I'd do that...

CocoPopsAddict · 23/11/2010 11:00

YANBU - he needs to work on his insecurity issues.

Sarsaparilllla · 23/11/2010 11:02

It's not your fault, he needs to get a grip.

FreudianSlimmery · 23/11/2010 11:10

YANBU and what a lovely thoughtful gift you gave her!

Hes being a bit silly. My DH puts me on a pedestal too - utterly adores me and wants to rip me clothes off when I can barely look in a mirror. However he knows that no matter how much he compliments me there is a part of me that doesn't accept it. Its nobodys fault.

I think if I had a similar photo done he'd love it, he probably wouldnt want other men to see it but I'm sure he wouldn't overreact like your friends bf has.

LindyHemming · 23/11/2010 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoudRowdyDuck · 23/11/2010 11:16

He has some issues! I'm assuming he didn't know what you and she were doing that day, so it all came as a surprise? I wonder if it's that that worries him. I suppose he could have got some kind of paranoid idea that she took sexy photos because she's trying to get back into dating and rid of him? Confused

In no possible way is it your fault, though. I'd be over the moon if a friend bought me something like that, the more so if my boyfriend wasn't very nice about my body!

FlameGrilledMama · 23/11/2010 11:18

YANBU he sounds like a complete arse.

sparkle12mar08 · 23/11/2010 11:25

You're wrong, he is indeed "a domineering character" at best and at worst I would probably add the "abusive" back in, because this phrase is very worrying - "he says he "knows what she is like", and as for damaging the relationship... She hasn't, she has simply done something for herself as any grown adult has the right to do, and he seems to think she has to ask his permission? He has serious issues, and he is the one damaging their relationship. Not you, not your friend, him. I don't like the sound of it at all, tbh.

taintedpaint · 23/11/2010 11:29

Wow. He's a dick. I'd be keeping a close eye out for any more signals of abuse/control....though tbh I think a line has already been crossed.

On another note, I'm glad you and your friend had a nice time at the studio!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 23/11/2010 11:35

He "knows what she is like"?!?! Bloody hell.

He's a prize knob, and yes he is controlling.

TrillianAstra · 23/11/2010 11:37

If she is quite a risque character and he is OTT on "modesty" (milk in dressing gown! FFS!) then it doesn't sound as if they are very well suited.

discobeaver · 23/11/2010 11:37

Exactly what cheekyseamionkey said - he doesn't own her! if she had a good time and is happy with the pics, that's all that matters. She isn't about to flog them to a soft porn channel is she? ridiculous behaviour by her partner, he should be ashamed of himself.

On another note, I now want one of these sessins - which studio did you use, girlynut and wa it very expensive?

Squitten · 23/11/2010 11:39

It's not your fault that her boyfriend is a twat! Sounds very insecure about anyone else taking a fancy to her.

My DH would love it if I did photos like that!

girlynut · 23/11/2010 11:45

My BF on the other hand said "You look stunning!" and then promptly rolled over and went back to sleep!

I am considering using the close up of my arse as my Facebook profile pic! Grin

Discobeaver - check out www.fyeoportraits.com. I think they're doing a Christmas promotion at the mo!

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