Wanting to move from Ireland to England with my child?

[KMonaghan]

I had been with my Ex for 5 years and we have a 3 year old son. Over the years he has been verbally abusive, lied to me on countless occasions, been caught for drink driving twice and is now off the road, let his family treat me in a disgusting manner and I have even had to put up with rumors that he had a gay affair behind my back which I will never know is true or not. We broke up for good nearly 2 months ago when he hit me during one of his verbally abusive tirades. We have never lived together as I was 17 and he was 20 when our son was born and even though I had to grow up quickly he just never bothered and stayed is selfish self. He has never made and contribution in the financial aspects of raising a child and very little emotionally. After he hit me I decided it would be best for myself and my child to move back to England to be with my mum and sister who myself and my child have lived with our whole lives. He is now taking me to court for custody of out son and is trying to stop me leaving the country although he has not mentioned that he has NEVER paid maintenance. I am not trying to cut contact between my child and his father I simply want to try and create a more stable life for my son. I still want him to have a relationship with his dad providing he realizes he needs to grow up and take responsibility. AIBU?

There are very limited supervised contact centres and unless the child is in care, you ex will not be made to use one (its only ever with the consent of the other party that they are used or if there is documented evidence of him harming the child).

Its likely that his parents will be asked to supervise, if the judge thinks its necessary.

Sorry, yes my son was born in Ireland.

I'm thinking about bringing some information with me to court such as what courses I am thinking about taking and what school my child would be going to next September when he is old enough. Do you think this would help?

My ex has not applied for an sort of order to make me stay in Ireland which I though was strange also. I just assume it will be brought up in court anyways.

I have always been more then fair regarding access towards him and his family and tbh all I ever get is grief from them. My son honestly does not seem bothered about not having seen or spoken to his father the last couple of weeks he is more concerned about seeing and spending time with my parents and sister and I swear this is not through me bad mouthing my ex as I would never do that in front of my child.

Yes, it would help to show that you are thinking ahead of what you need education wise.
It would really be important to emphasise how much you need to be near your parents and that you would miss them soooo much, etc.

He doesn't need to apply for an order to keep you there, as his solicitor will probably as the judge to limit your travel, and all that.

Try to act like the most reasonable person in the world who values the relationship with father/child (even if you want to throttle him on the day).

If you want to win this one, do not mention how your son:
does not seem bothered about not having seen or spoken to his father the last couple of weeks he is more concerned about seeing and spending time with your parents.

This will be interpreted as you having alienated your son's affections and will be used against you.

Show how much better your childs life will be in the UK, you will have work, family support, etc etc. Maintenance does not come into access arrangements, but the fact that you alone are financially responsible for your child will help show that you are the parent who has the best interests of the child.

And if you need to and can, play nasty. If you have any evidence at all of him being a prick, give it in court. Make sure the drink driving is mentioned, and his criminal record. Don't be nice to him.

Thanks humanoctopus I'll bare that in mind. I want him to have a relationship with his dad and I am prepared to fly back to Ireland as often as I can as well. I'll pretty much do whatever the judge tells me as long as I'm allowed to leave I can't stand the thought of staying in Ireland with my mum and sister. My mum is also selling her house so that is another thing that goes against me staying in Ireland.

Thanks BonniePrinceBilly I have kept txt messages he sent to me after he hit me. He does not specifically mention that he hit me but there is a lot of 'I promise I'll stop drinking, it'll never happen again, I'll have nothing to do with my family' kinda stuff in them. When he hit me we were at his parents house (Where he lives) and although they didn't see it they knew it had happened and his mum said it was my own fault because I was arguing with him. The judge we are meant to have i court is also the judge my ex has had for his 2 drink driving cases this year.

This judge won't be able to hear your family law case as your ex's solicitor will be able to state prejudice, so it will probably be put back to another date for another judge. That's unless your the said solicitor knows that this judge is soft on this type of dad and it would be in his interest to have him. Usually though, if they've heard/tried someone before, they won't hear a family law issue. Could be in for a long series of dates. Christmas is coming and the family law courts are heaving with special applications for christmas access, etc so it may be held over to after christmas.

Because we live in such a small area its pretty much the same Judge that takes care of every case unless she had some sort of family emergency and it has already been put back so I don't know how they could justify doing it again. We were supposed to get this sorted last month as when I told My ex that I was leaving and he said he understood I booked tickets (he knew about this, knew the date I was leaving and still did not warn me that it would be a waste of money because he was taking me to court)I received the summons on the Monday and court was set for Friday. After waiting for 5 hours for our case to be heard the judge rushed out on a family emergency and we were given another date for the following month(this week) I actually can't believe that he knew he was taking me to court but he let me go ahead and book one way flights to the UK. Surely that makes him look like a dickhead?

Bump?

Please try to find a legal representative that you have faith in, you need to present a really strong case from the start. It took me 2 years and 3 months to finally be given permission to relocate. If the other party is determined enough to drag this out it can take a long, long time. The child's best interests are lost in the legal process once it starts.

I wish you the best of luck. Don't give up if you believe what you are doing is right.

Thank you Missismonky, I am determine that this is the best thing for all of us (If I'm honest my Ex's as well because he has personal issue I think he needs to deal with and I hope this will give him the kick up the arse he needs to get help) Both myself and my son will have better opportunities as well and the place we want to move to is lovely.