to expect my 26 yo dd not to smoke weed?

[kaylasmum]

Hi just need to know if i'm right in my feelings about this and hoping to get some constructive comments. My dd was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder just over a year ago. Around the same time that i took on the care of her little boy. My dgs was on the child protection register for 6 months prior to him coming to stay with us. My dd was emotionally and physically abusive to my dgs. She was the one who actually went to her hv and admitted what she was doing, so then the social work became involved. My dd has been having dbt for the past 6 months and does seem to be improving although she still has times when she finds it difficult to control her temper.

Anyway,we are all hoping that my dgs will be able to return home in the new year. My only concern is that my dd has a bf that smokes weed and i found out about 6 months ago that she was smoking it too. We spoke and she promised me that she would stop for the sake of her son. So i was quite shocked the other night when she admitted to me that she is still smoking it a couple of times a week. She says she loves it!

with her mental health problems i really don't agree with her smoking weed. I don't know a great deal about it but i have heard that it can cause psychosis among other mental health problems.

So aibu?

.

Yabu but she's 26 and I'll ... Many people with mh issues seem unable to stop doing stuff that makes their mh worse :(.

Yabu but she's 26 and I'll ... Many people with mh issues seem unable to stop doing stuff that makes their mh worse :(.

YANBU if the social workers find out about her smoking weed then she will have problems getting her Ds back.
My Daughter is on drugs, (heroin), so far worse/more adictive, and I am having to raise my Dgd.
My Daughter will never be allowed her child back until she has been clean for a couple of years or so, and her bf is not allowed near Dgd as he has been done for dealing.
Social workers take a very dim view of any drugs, (and also drug taking boyfriends).
Good luck.

It depends what she's smoking. Ask her if it's the old style bush weed or skunk. Bush weed has a calming effect but I believe skunk is dangerous, especially for vulnerable people. Is she on meds for the BPD? People say it's all good, weed is harmless etc, but they are basing it on the old stuff.

Thats true, if there was'nt the fact that her little boy desperately wants to be back home with his mummy then i would'nt have an issue with it. If social work find out there is no way she'll get her little boy back. And no, i won't tell them but i do have a duty of care towards my dgs and want my my dd to be in a fit state to have him back home.

Of course YANBU

By smoking weed she is risking not getting her little boy back, and not putting him first or being the best mum she can be.

I think there are plenty of adults out there who can smoke weed without it getting in the way of their parenting, just like plenty of adults can drink alcohol and still be perfect parents, but given your DD's history and problems, she really shouldn't be.

It probably helps her relax though and calm down, so catch tt really

I meant catch 22

Thats ok, I knew what you meant. I'm sure it does relax her but she really needs ti put her son first. If she gets him home and it all falls apart because of her weed smoking i don't know what will happen to my dgs. I have 2 dc at home aged 3 and 7 and all of this has had an impact on them. I'm willing to look after my dgs for as long as it takes but my dd really has to help herself.

oh gosh what a difficult situation

i think you need to lay it on the line with her if you haven't done so already.
tell her she either proves to you that her son comes first by giving up the weed (and the boyfriend if necessary) and showing you she can care for him properly

You need to make sure that she realises your priority here is your grandson. And I would have no qualms about telling her that if she wants him back and she is still smoking weed that you will have to inform the social worker.

she is 26. she isn't a kid, she isn't even a teenager. she is a grown woman and she needs to start taking responsibility

i was already to tell you YABu....and then given the situation, actually, Yanbu.

though any drug including booze is best avoided WRT to that situation.

I am sorry if this is going to sound harsh/wrong, but how badly does your DD want her DS back?
It seems that my DD has slipped into being a singleton again, whilst (altho she would deny it), being really quite happy with me doing all the child raising.
I hope that this is not the case, but perhaps you could put it to her.