why do men find it easier to walk away?

[yellowbrickroad]

My DH and I have just had an argument about the usual (money, travel, future plans). The kids are asleep, yes we raised our voices a bit but nothing more.

It got challenging, as arguments do and in response he picked up his keys and walked out.

It's so frustrating! He ALWAYS walks away. Typically five mins later my LO wakes up and I've got work to do this eve.

Why are women always the ones left a home while they go and 'cool' off?

It just makes my blood boil (although, tbh, it's already a tad overheated).

And breath.....

I admire your balls MumNW :)

i don't mind him going up the shed, as it still in the home...but when we both cool off we can then talk.

when he comes back, do you talk or is it the case of covering the cracks

We don't talk. A period of silence will commence for several days until I, frankly, can't be bothered with it anymore.

He's home now. He hasn't said a word. I'm going to sleep on the sofa with the dog.

Thanks all for taking the time to reply :)

fuck sleeping on the sofa, go to bed and give oh the sofa

yellow, this is serious manipulation on his part.

It's a recognised tactic to ensure that you don't get to sort out your problems in a normal adult fashion.

please google "stonewalling" and all you can on emotional abuse

you will find your partner described there

SOFA? i'd tell him to fuc off out the bed.

you sound like the doormat you are being treated like.

you need to seriously tell this sulky twat to grow the fuck up.

i'd start right now at 2,30 am. and if he got mad becuase he has work in the morning, i'd tell him to get some peace and quiet on the setee

and to not fucking bother coming back til he can talk like an adult without stamping his feet and calling for his mummy like the big baby with shit in his nappy that he is.

now personally ( and i don't advocate this although i do have experience) i wouldn't shut the fuck up until he moved.

He didnt start the discussion, and its pretty clear also that whatever you were discussing or however you presented it did not sit well with him.

Walking out of someone elses argument is a frustrating but common tactic. You could walk out leaving him with DD at the next argument, but you wont becasue it is you who are trying to get something out of him.

I think you have your answer though. He doesnt want to relocate.

ccp your post has sent a chill down my spine. I do have my answer don't I? But then where does that leave me?

He's settled here and I'm not. I feel like I've worked hard over the past few years while he gets sorted and now its my turn, isn't that fair?

Am I supposed to always put what I want on the back burner?

yellow...some difficult decisions for you here I think

could you find any middle ground at all ?

could he commute ?

just come home at weekends ?

yellowbrick ... yes, you are. You're not as important as him, you see. Your life doesn't have the same value as his.

Sorry.

Ask him why he feels that he is more important than you. If he denies it then ask him why he won't discuss with you what you want to discuss but turns it into an argument instead in order to avoid talking about it. It may just make him think. Unlikely but stranger things happen.

Great thread topic OP - that is so true. Grabs keys and wallet and off they go. AHHHHH!!

This happened to me with both my Dad and my Ex.

Every time I expressed something with Ex our relationship was questioned and he would threaten to leave or express that our relationship had no future if I chose to do X or Y.

When he did it to my DC's, and walked out, I wouldn't have him back.

Your H needs to learn how to deal with this yellow. It is very emotionally destabilising and also deeply controlling.

I agree that it is fine to state that you need time to cool down but to leave the person worrying, dealing with everything and then not knowing when/if the person will return....

I would discuss it when he is calm and you haven't fallen out yellow, maybe he can see it from your point of view and find another way of 'clearing his head' that doesn't set yours in turmoil.

We both walk away in our house (as in to different rooms)....usually when it is clear to both of us that " to agree to disagree" is the only option left. I really don't see the point in arguing over the same ground if you and the other person are absolutely not going to change their position at the end of the day you have to both find a way to compromise - but that does take some working through at some point. Actually leaving the house is a bit OTT in my opinion and as a pp put it shows a distinct lack of maturity.

We're in the 'silent treatment' phase. I'm not good with grudges, they take too much effort IMO so I'm the one that usually attempts to thaw things out.

We have to see if we can reach a compromise. It's just a bit of a shock to me as I always thought we were on the same page.

Last time we rowed I walked away. And sat in the garden. DH came after me which wound me up even more.

I'd rather walk away than let things get overheated.

Off to pick up my DC's - thanks all for your replies. They've really helped.

Oh I see.

In that case he is simply not wanting to accept that a discussion needs to be had. Twat.

Yellowbrickroad - its was different because it only happened once, when we were newly married.

(Basically he was unemployed and sat around the flat watching TV and drinking beer all day, while I was at work. We had had friends around over the weekend and hadn't tidied up as he said he would do it. On the Monday his grandma called to say she hadn't seen our flat and as we'd been married for 6 months when was she going to be invited round (I was waiting until we had some work done)... anyway DH said come round now and didn't tidy anything up.)

We had an argument later (me cross his grandma had seen mess, and that he should have at least effort to tidy before she came round eg clothes shoved into drawers, and anyway he should have washed up etc) and he stormed off - I locked the door from inside and when he came back (I made him wait and then) I told him that it was totally unacceptible to ever walk away from arguement like that and to go away and think about why, and that next time he walked out he'd be out all night. He has never done it again although did go through phase of going to bedroom and closing door.

Now we have grown up a lot, and can discuss anything in calm manner, don't have arguements.

As others have said walking out is immature and controlling.

i dont htink theres naything wrong with walking away, its avoidant but nothing more. Youd be less annoyed about it if you started doing it more!