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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be majorly pissed at my sister?

22 replies

WhyIsThatThen · 21/11/2010 18:06

My sister has just had a family day and included in this was our brother, my cousin, his wife and their two children. I know this was happening because cousin told me. I waited and waited for my sister to 'invite' me and my family but it never happened.
I Know I could have asked and invited myself but I didn't really know what the plan of the day was and tbh I felt I shouldn't have to ask.
I feel really hard done by.
AIBU?

OP posts:
OnlyWantsOne · 21/11/2010 18:08

you have family days.... I would think you've had a lucky escape :)

DanceInTheDark · 21/11/2010 18:09

A family day is just a day spent with members of your family. it doesn't mean every member of your family or that one person is favoured over the other.

MadamDeathstare · 21/11/2010 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleMissHissyFit · 21/11/2010 18:12

Were you the only member of family missing?

If so I'd call her up, or better go round there and ask her to her face why it wasn't mentioned to you.

BubbaAndBump · 21/11/2010 18:12

I would be a bit miffed but I assume she has her reasons (her house is too small for her family plus the five she'd invited and more?, or the children, when together, bicker? or you and somebody don't get on?)

Can you not just ask her how it went and see what she says?

Original poster
WhyIsThatThen · 21/11/2010 18:17

We all live a fair distance apart, we don't see a lot of each other.

I have asked her, she just said it was good, they had coffee at home then went out for sunday lunch.

In this 'circle' of the family, yes I was the only one left out.

My child is the same ages as cousins kids. They like spending time together.

I know I do seem like I am making a fuss about nothing but I am so pissed at her!

Maybe IABU :/

OP posts:
diddl · 21/11/2010 18:31

So, four adults two children?

Sounds like a nice number.

If you have too many there´s always someone a bit ignored.

There´s nothing to stop you organising something with just who you want, is there?

wb · 21/11/2010 18:36

Actually I think you are being a bit U.

Personally, I dislike the expectation that because I invite 1 sibling plus their family to my house, all the others are automatically invited too. (Unfortunately, for me, I am a bit spineless so yet again am skivvying for entertaining all of them on Boxing Day again).

Sometimes w. family less can be more.

Original poster
WhyIsThatThen · 21/11/2010 19:11

I guess I am the unloved one then Hmm
Maybe I ought to adopt the 'couldn't give a fuck' face?

OP posts:
pinkthechaffinch · 21/11/2010 19:18

I'd do the same thing back to her and see how she likes it.

But then I can be very petty.

MrsCuldesac · 21/11/2010 19:21

WhyIsThatThen - your post struck a chord with me and my family; you are not alone. I bet this isn't the first time this sort of subtle "sisterly bullying" has happened. I'm also the sister who gets left out or invited along to the event the day after - Boxing Day this year is the classic. She lives with second husband in idyllic distant seaside village miles from anywhere and her daughter (my niece who lives in Europe) is spending Xmas there with new hubby, two baby boys we have not yet met, and one teen boy cousin of our only (also teen) daughter who get on like mad. Sis has a six-bedroom house, we have a two-bed flat. Apparently they can only host us for Boxing Day night - longer stay has been vetoed for reasons including possible cold weather, that the little ones might get ill and it would be hard to cope . . . and so on. We now feel bad that we can't commit to travelling 200 miles each way for just one overnight stay.

anniepanniepears · 21/11/2010 19:28

I would be really miffed if my sister or brother did this to me and I would have to ask for an explanation

Original poster
WhyIsThatThen · 21/11/2010 19:32

See, I think if sister had just cousins over then I wouldn't feel so bad but its the fact that brother was included that I feel quite so pissed....

MrsC.....I feel your pain. Refuse the invite, say "it isn't worth it" Wink
I have been told that in the past and let me tell you, it felt very painful!

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 21/11/2010 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsCuldesac · 21/11/2010 19:54

WhyIsThatThen - thanks for the advice - we really must refuse the invite on grounds of not driving mad distances for just one mid-winter night and the fact that we are not feeling too welcome at the home of sis. But how do we get over the fact that she holds all the cards regarding us seeing our niece's lovely new babies, and to not go prevents our daughter hanging out with her favourite cousin? Are you a younger sister, too?

cerealqueen · 21/11/2010 20:01

YANBU - say you are miffed, there might be a very good reason.

MrsC - could you stay at a nearby hotel for a night or two, make more of a trip of it?

MrsCuldesac · 21/11/2010 20:20

cerealqueen - really appreciate your response.Yes, we have thought about staying in a local hotel - but that would send out some very uncomfortable messages to her - she has plenty of room for us all (on her terms). And it would cost so much to get us to and from any hotel. This goes deeper than accommodation and invitations - which is what WhyIsThatThen meant at the start of this thread. It's about sisters . . .

cerealqueen · 21/11/2010 21:04

mrs C ...I totally get your drift.

To both Mrs C and WhyisThatThen
Sisters who bully......I have one too, I only realised that it was bullying listening to Jeremy Vine last week talking about it on the radio!

You are not alone. When my sister rings me, my heart starts beating really fast and I get a sense of dread. And we are both in our 40s FFS.

booyhoo · 21/11/2010 21:08

why didn't you ask her why you weren't invited? or did you?

Original poster
WhyIsThatThen · 21/11/2010 21:10

Yep, its about the relationship for me. I quite literally bend over backwards for her and her family and have done more for her than I care to share.

MrsC, are you staying at your sisters for the days around the night? What is the invite? Are you expected to show up at tea time on Boxing Day and then leave after breakfast? I really would be tempted to say no and perhaps to contact your niece and see if there is a way you can see her.....a very difficult situation.

OP posts:
MrsCuldesac · 21/11/2010 22:10

The invite is to go down Boxing Day and stay as long as we can . . . however, my DH is a postman and the depot he works for wants them in work on the Tuesday bank hol. We just feel that the invitation is being offered in the knowledge that we really can't accept it - so sis gets Brownie points for being "generous" and we get dissed for turning it down . . . and the ones losing out are the younger members of the family like the teen cousins and the new rellies - our lovely niece and her family, whose only practical point of contact in the UK is my big sis's huge family house (see before)

Original poster
WhyIsThatThen · 23/11/2010 07:56

MrsC, have you come to a conclusion yet? Its so hard.

We have had an invite from SIL & her family for boxing day, so I don't think I will see any of my family over christmas Shock

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