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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not lend this friend money?

15 replies

WriterofDreams · 20/11/2010 14:30

I have a friend who is really really awful with money. At the end of last month he went on a trip that he couldn't afford despite the fact that he knew he was changing jobs and moving soon and that would leave a big hole in his finances. At the start of this month he borrowed money from his parents to get himself through to pay day but that's now gone. I was chatting to him today and he told me about having no money and said that he'll have to sleep in his office if money from another job doesn't come through by Monday.

I don't like the thought of him sleeping in his office. To be fair I'm not sure it'll come to that, as his parents are generous and he has a few friends that he could stay with. I am convinced he is harping on about it in the hope that I will offer to lend him money. If I did lend him money I know he would pay it back as he is trustworthy in that sense. I am not poor and could afford to lend him a couple of hundred pounds on a short term basis. The problem is, I don't want to.

He knew well in advance that he would be moving to this new place but rather than sorting out a place to live he went on holiday, spent all his money and then ended up staying in a hotel for the last three weeks (at extortionate cost). His parents lent him plenty of money at the start of the month and he managed to spend all of it. It really pisses me off and I don't want to be yet another person to bail him out. AIBU to feel he should just grow up and manage his money better rather than let things get this bad and then expect others to bail him out?

OP posts:
ArentFanny · 20/11/2010 14:32

YANBU

alarkaspree · 20/11/2010 14:35

Of course you shouldn't lend him money. As you say, he has friends and parents he could stay with so he's just trying to manipulate you into lending him money by talking about sleeping in his office.

Or you could always offer him a sofa for a couple of nights. But he won't get any better at managing his finances if people just keep giving him handouts.

WriterofDreams · 20/11/2010 14:38

I can't offer him a couch as he's living in a different city. It just baffles me that a grown man (and he's in his late thirties, so not particularly young either) could be so incapable of organising his life!

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 20/11/2010 15:06

You are never obliged to lend someone money.

ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers · 20/11/2010 15:09

YANBU He's never going to grow up and become responsible with money if people keep bailing him out. You'd be doing him a favour by not lending him money, although, of course, this would only stand a chance of working if everybody stopped lending him money.

Chil1234 · 20/11/2010 15:28

The kindest thing you and his parents could do would be not to lend this man any more money. If there's always a ready supply he has no incentive to change his ways. If you want to be a real friend, maybe find out why he needs the instant gratification of things like trips he can't afford. Sometimes it's indicative of an unhappy life....

Adversecamber · 20/11/2010 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 20/11/2010 16:43

YANBU.

DON'T do it.

DinahRod · 20/11/2010 16:48

To preserve your friendship you shouldn't

WriterofDreams · 20/11/2010 16:57

Part of the issue I have with the whole thing is that he keeps hinting about his money problems rather than asking me outright for a loan. He keeps whinging about what's going on as if I should somehow feel for sorry for him. He earns good money and yet he's broke Angry

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 20/11/2010 17:07

Oh good, then you don't even have to say no. Just sort of don't pick up on the hints.

PlanetEarth · 20/11/2010 17:11

I certainly wouldn't lend any money to someone with such poor financial management! If a friend has lost a job, was in dire straits etc., then fair enough, but if they knew hard times were coming and spent up anyway, then tough...

Nancy66 · 20/11/2010 17:19

If you 'lend' money to people who are shit with money then you have to acceptit will probably end up being a gift not a loan.

MadamDeathstare · 20/11/2010 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob · 20/11/2010 17:45

This sound almost identical to my bil.

He never learns because he is constantly bailed out time after time.

Really fucking irritates me. Especially as dh gave him cash last night despite knowing he was in the pub Friday, Sunday and Thursday. Fucking joke.

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