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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sorry more a WWYD

11 replies

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 19/11/2010 20:24

DS has just turned 3 and has been at a very large sure start nursery one day a week since he was 9 months. There have been a few wobbly moments along the way but on the whole the staff are very good and do listen and are very honest if mistakes are made etc.

Now one day a week I know is hard and he has never really settled. He doesn't ever run in to or talk about nursery positively. He often tells me its closed on our way there!

His room was an open plan 0-3 room which when he was under 1 I had concerns about, but now he is 3 he has really grown out of it and therefore is about to move next week to his new room. I should also add that his baby brother has also just started in the 0-3 room and is very happy, quite different to big brother.

So new room as of next week. Its a massive room made up of workshops and outside. Its free flow all day except 10 -15 mins group time (group of 10) each day. In this room there are 74 children and 20 adults.

On his visits to the new room he has struggled. He has even been running around shouting at people or 'found' crying or asked to go back.

Now he could well settle I just don't know. The teaching is outstanding, ofsted is outstanding but in my view the behavior of some children is very challenging, parents are often smoking outside the gate, you often hear bad language both inside and out. Now I hate to sound a snob but this is a true reflection. The staff are excellent, but there is a big difference in the new room in that they are teachers not stand in mummies. You pick this up from the way they are towards the children, its very hands off not many cuddles etc.

Personal social skills are apparently being worked on. But I think with 74 children this is REALLY hard.

So I have looked at other options. I have to be able to drop my youngest off and get to work so my options are a little narrow. But one very workable option is a pre-prep nursery 2mins from work. (I teach). I am considering sending my DS to my school but unless we are lucky we won't get him in and will have to wait for a place. I did think if he went to this pre-prep he could say until such time as a place at my school became available.

So the pre-prep nursery. Its totally different. The class has a maximum of 15 children. In Jan there will be 10. It?s very structured, lots of 'lessons.' When I arrived the children (5 of them) were having a singing lesson. We had a quick tour of the school and when we came back they were having a PE lesson. The range of resources is far more limited but they do have a swimming lesson and a dance lesson each week and spend lots of time outdoors on nature walks etc. They call the teachers Mrs etc no first names.

I just don't know what is best. Do 3 year olds need a big space, free flow, lots of free time. Do they equally need to be in a tiny group??

I think he will get a shock at the level of expectation in terms of following instructions for a large chunk of the day, but is this a bad thing??

The osfted for the pre-prep is satisfactory but I'm not sure 74 children is outstanding either!

Gosh this is too longer post, I'll stop. WWYD?

OP posts:
whoknowswhatthefutureholds · 19/11/2010 20:28

I would hate to be a room with 100 people in it all day, no wonder he likes it.

I would find a good cm and see if he settles there. My DS didnt like preschool but loved his cm.

whoknowswhatthefutureholds · 19/11/2010 20:30

Also he won't know who any of the other children are, surelyt that is far to many to make any friends with.

DinahRod · 19/11/2010 20:30

Ah poor ds, he sounds so bewildered. The surestart nursery sounds horribly vast and impersonal, my dcs wouldn't like it. The pre-prep sounds lovely and in your shoes I'd have him there like a shot. Even if it took a wee while to settle in you'd know he was being looked after and attended to.

fel1x · 19/11/2010 20:30

I'd take him out the big one. It obviously doesnt suit his personality and he doesnt like it.
Try him at the smaller one near your work, it sounds nice or like the previous poster ssaid a CM might be a better option for him?

mumbar · 19/11/2010 20:39

I guess its different horses for different courses. Some DC's cope very well with a large room and free flow some don't. The OFSTED does tell you something but I would never base my decision on an OFSTED report personally. Could you give it until xmas holidays with the sure start nursery see if DS settles in? If he doesn't could he start at the pre-prep one in Jan. Maybe it wouldn't seem like such a change for him after the xmas holidays- new year new place iyswim. Perhaps there will be others starting in January too so he will start new with them.

Best of luck what ever you decide.

notquitenormal · 19/11/2010 20:40

It does sound rather scary, for such a little one. Like 3-4 primary classes in one room. My DS woudn't like it one bit.

I favour small rooms, big gardens.

FWIW I work in a room with over 100 people. My company had to install an extremely expensive white noise system shortly after week moved in, because the general noise level was just unacceptable for most of us.

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 19/11/2010 20:48

Very interesting about the noise level! Hadn't thought of that. The thing is he loves friends but I agree in a group of 74 he won't see the same child twice in one day I suspect.

My only worry about the pre-pep is that will he be bored? At the big nursery the activities on offer are amazing (wood work with real tools!) but I am now wondering how important this is???? I want him to build some lovely friendships, enjoy a world of his own outside of the home and learn. I also feel that whilst is great having all the choice in the world (they can stay outside all day if they choose in the big nursery) how is this good preporation for school?? Or does that sound harsh?

The prep-prep did point out starting after xmas would be easier on him as he would have a month off over xmas anyway.

OP posts:
MorticiaAddams · 19/11/2010 22:08

A room size does sound very distracting.

My dd had a largish nursery but it was split between several small rooms which made it more manageable.

Having said that, I prefer that they have the chance to make decisions as to what they want to do even at that young age and it sounds as though the smaller nursery would restrict that.

Is there any way that he could do two days or even two part days which hopefully would help him settle more.

ginodacampoismydh · 19/11/2010 22:23

freefkow was introduced at my dds nursey just 6months or so before she started school and it was hell, disorganised and far to many people very little bounderies for the children and dd struggled. If im honest I would have pulled her out at the time she moved up if I had known.

I would find a cm who can take him and pick him up from a pre shool. they tend to have smaller groups and manage the free flow far better.

its so hard to consider a change but I think I would do it now rather than later. he will have a year before school and so plenty of time to settle in to a new routine.

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 19/11/2010 22:29

Well if he stays after xmas he would do 2 full days and 1 half day (15 hours), he could do more flexible hours at the pre-prep but I would aim for around 15 hours. So yes either way he would do more hours. It seems free flow is the 'in' thing at the moment. I do like it but just in a well managed way.....not with 74 children though!

OP posts:
tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 19/11/2010 22:29

He has almost 2 years really, does start school until Sep 2012!

OP posts:
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