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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

mother trying to rule my life

12 replies

mummaxmas · 19/11/2010 15:42

we have recently decided to go for baby no 3, we always said never in a million years, but now the boys are 3&4 we feel ready to try for another!
When i discussed this with my mother last night, she complty flew off the handle and said it would be unfair to our excisting children and irrisponsible. i cant help feeling hurt and angry by this, as it is our right to decide, not hers!! i have raised my children myself, i dont ask her for any help or money, only the very occasional babysitting so we can have an evening together and its always at our house.
i ended up walking out on her and havnt spoken to here yet, i feel i should apologise but not sure why???
would love to know peoples thoughts and if they have been in the same situation???

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 19/11/2010 15:47

She's entitled to her opinion and you're entitled to ignore it.

I wouldn't apologize. I'd say the above.

OTTMummA · 19/11/2010 15:48

Don't you dare apologise, i can see nothing in your OP that would warrent you having to apologise Confused

Just tell her it is none of her business, and has no imput on how many children you have, and for her to think she can talk to you like that is frankly ridiculous, and she needs to get a check on her behaviour, or you simly won't be on mother/daughter talking terms.

sims2fan · 19/11/2010 15:49

Why are you discussing it with her in the first place? Unless she has your other children all day every day, she shouldn't have any say in the matter. Personally I would only tell her about it if/when I was pregnant.

Original poster
mummaxmas · 19/11/2010 15:55

thanks everyone, i guess i just told her because for some strange reason i thought she'd be excited like me !! obviously not!! i think she prob feels bad now(well i hope she does) but she hasn't contacted me. i always have to invite her here to see the kids and innitiate family meetings, i guess shes just not as family orrintated as me. i wont mention it to her again anyway, just give her the good news when we're expeting!!

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 19/11/2010 16:14

mummaxmas, were you an only child or did she stop at two? SIL was an only and her Mum acted a bit funny when she announced she was pg with dc2.

zukiecat · 19/11/2010 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piscesmoon · 19/11/2010 16:18

I agree-she has the right to an opinion and you have the right to a different one-in this case yours counts and hers doesn't.

Squitten · 19/11/2010 16:24

Don't apologise!

I'm due DC2 in a fortnight and we already have a toddler DS (2.2). As soon as I got pregnant with this one, some of my relatives, and my Nan in particular, started saying how I wouldn't want any more now and we should stop. The thundering irony of this is that the same Nan had 4 children in 6 years before she was my age!!

I also get similar lectures about why I shouldn't even attempt to BF this one, must get a double buggy rather than using a sling this time, blah, blah, blah. I find the best way to deal with it is to not voluntarily bring up these subjects in the first place and then when they do come up, make lots of listening noises and say non-committal things like "We'll see, that's way off anyway, etc," and then ignore her and do what you want!

Firawla · 19/11/2010 16:24

i wouldnt have told her anything until you are pregnant, it is none of her business and you have nothing to apologise for. she is the one who needs to apologise. i would just give her some space and leave it for a bit before talking to her if you feel she will be expecting an apology
my mum also tries to tell me to leave a few yrs before having dc3, however i will be ignoring that as i dont need to ask her permission, nor do i want her advice so i think just clearly tell her it is not her decision, and definitely dont apologise

Original poster
mummaxmas · 19/11/2010 16:26

chipmonkey, i have a sister but there is a 11 year age gap, we have the same dad, so i was an only child for 11 years till she came along. maybe thats why, coz its not her way. but i guess thats why i had mine close together (15 months apart) and i want another sooner rather than later, so they will all have each other. having been an only child for 11 years, i can tell you its quite boring, and a tad lonely. maybe i will go on and have 17, just for fun!!! can you imagine signing off them christmas cards!!

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 19/11/2010 16:26

MIL told me that "normal" people had 2 DC's.
We had 4 Grin

Original poster
mummaxmas · 19/11/2010 18:10

well i feel alot better after everyones comments, thanks so much :). i mighnt even brave ringing her in a bit, clear the air Hmm

OP posts:
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