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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sleepovers - AIBU?

25 replies

emy72 · 19/11/2010 10:19

My DD1 is 6 in December and quite a few of her friends from school are having sleepovers and have invited her over for a "sleepover".

I don't know why but I am really very uncomfortable with this. I just feel that she is too young for a sleepover at someone's house whose parents she doesn't know (and I don't really know apart from hi at the schoolgates).

AIBU to not want her to go? what age did your children start doing "sleepovers"?

OP posts:

bogie · 19/11/2010 10:22

think it depends on the child ds is neaarly 5 and loves having sleepovers but dn is 8 and crys all the time she is away from home.

Onetoomanycornettos · 19/11/2010 10:23

Mine don't, not with school friends, it's just something I don't feel comfortable with either, as I don't know the parents really well (just to say hi to and to make some small talk). I would be happy at them staying with close friends of mine who I'd known for years, but we usually do that as a family anyway. Mine are 5 and nearly 7.

notnowbernard · 19/11/2010 10:23

I agree I think it's too young

DD is nearly 7 and I think it's too young except with family, or MY mates who she knows really well and has done since birth etc

hannyho · 19/11/2010 10:23

I know some girls started at 6 or 7 but I thought it was too young. I think my DD was nearly 9 before we got into the whole sleepover thing. Still drives me mad though.

rockinhippy · 19/11/2010 10:26

I think you have to go with your gut on this one, some Parents will think its fine & grab the chance of a night off, others like myself won't unless you know the Parents well enough to feel comfortable.

DD did have sleep overs at 6, but only with our friends Kids, since then (now 8) she has had a couple with School friends, but we have had time to get to know the parents via play visits, so know who we trust to look out for her in the same way we do

I do remember DD going on about sleepovers with her School friends at that age, but no-one was actually having them, just trying to convince us naive Mums so when you do get talking to the other parents, you might well find they have the same reservations as you

Original poster

emy72 · 19/11/2010 10:27

Thanks!

She has sleepovers at my mum and dad or my inlaws and also we do as a family at friends' houses.

I am glad it's not just me, as I keep getting asked and postponing as I think AIBU - I am just going to say that I think she's too young yet!!

OP posts:

Eddas · 19/11/2010 10:37

my dd (6) had her first sleepover a couple of weeks ago. Her friend came to our house. It really depends on the child and parents IMO, her friends was happy to come here and I'd be happy for her to go to the same friends house, but wouldn't want her to go 'anywhere'. The girls are best friends and we often swap childcare in the holidays anyway so they're used to being in each others houses. Both girls are also very, ermm how do you say it politely..... confident^ so we knew they'd enjoy it rather than ending up crying in the corner.

It was too sucessful though as I ended up with dd's friends being sick everywhere at about 7am and had to take her home!!!

rockinhippy · 19/11/2010 10:48

A compromise might be to let her go to play, & you pick her up a bit later?

1 of DDs friend had a sleep over Birthday party last year, we let DD go as we now know the family well & trust them & have had their DD here on many occasions, but a couple of the other girls weren't allowed to sleep over & just went for a few hours, you might feel more comfortable with that :)

wanderingfree · 19/11/2010 11:45

I let my 7yr old have a sleepover at his friend's house and then had that child in return the following week, and it was too early for them both. We did it because we were moving areas, DS1 was really sad about this, so it was a treat in the weeks before we left. However, they tore around the house and garden really hyped up in the day, couldn't settle at night, took ages to stop giggling and get to sleep and then woke at 5am the next morning and didn't have the self control/sense to go back to sleep so started their day at 5am and were really exhausted by 10am!

We didn't have one after that (despite repeated pestering) until the last half term hols. DS1 is 10yrs now. It was great, him and his friend played lego all afternoon, had pizza and 7UP for tea, watched some of a harry potter DVD, went upstairs happily at 830pm, lights out at 930pm and not a peep out of them till 730/8amish the next morning.

It is much less stressful when they're older- at 10yrs they can shower on their own, do their own teeth, get to the loo in the middle of the night AND then go back to sleep and control their excitement more easily!

ChippingIn · 19/11/2010 12:21

6 isn't too young if she wants to go - you can always pick her up later on if she changes her mind. The other childrens parents don't turn into scary monsters at 6pm you know

Original poster

emy72 · 19/11/2010 12:48

Ha ha ha, no knowing my DD I am more worried about her turning into a monster at midnight lol :)

OP posts:

NordicPrincess · 19/11/2010 12:55

i think if you its her best friend and you know her mum well then yes let her go but if you dont know the parents at all more than hi at school then I wouldnt be comfortable either. But maybe you should let her go and see how she feels?

sleepingsowell · 19/11/2010 13:01

I wouldn't allow a 6 year old to stay with people I only knew to say hi to.
Perfectly reasonable not to. Bit odd to allow it really - apart from sending your child to the same school they're strangers, aren't they!
I started DS with family sleepovers. Still fun for him.

ChippingIn · 19/11/2010 13:02

sleepingsowell - do you allow your children to play at other childrens houses after school?

ChippingIn · 19/11/2010 13:03

Actually - not just sleepingsowell - any of you who wont allow your children to go on sleepovers - do you allow them to play at school friends houses after school?

sleepingsowell · 19/11/2010 13:10

Hi Chipping, no DS didn't play at houses after school of people until I had talked to them and got to know them a bit more than 'hi'. During reception year the mothers tended to accompany the kids and everyone got to know eachother pretty well.

It would be very odd to send him overnight somewhere with almost complete strangers.

rockinhippy · 19/11/2010 13:12

chippingin The other childrens parents don't turn into scary monsters at 6pm you know grin

your probably right, but some kids DO, & not all parents deal with it as well as could be :(,

such as DDs friend, who was left crying in a corridor at a house party, because the girl who had invited her suddenly decided she wasn't allowed in her room to play, but all the rest were :( DD sat outside with her for over an hour until pick up time & the girls Mum did nothing to sort it out, because "well, you know how strong minded XX can be"

ChippingIn · 19/11/2010 13:14

By the time they are 6, they have usually been at school 2 years - that's plenty of time to get to know them, as well as you need to, for the kids to play at each others houses and for them not to be 'complete strangers'.

ChippingIn · 19/11/2010 13:17

Rockinhippy :( The thing is, you can't base your life around one small problem. It wasn't very nice what the child did and it was horrible of the mother, but has it stopped the little girl wanting to go to other childrens houses - I'd bet not!

Also, maybe it does depend on the area you live in... if the parents are similar to you or not.

ChasingSquirrels · 19/11/2010 13:24

my 8yo hasn't been for sleepovers other than at his grandparents.

sleepingsowell · 19/11/2010 13:29

Chiiping, I'm answering Emy's thread and she states in the op that she only knows these parents to say hi to.

I guess it totally depends on how well you do get to know the parents doesn't it! Two years is still not time to get to know people if you only say 'hi'!!!!

If my DS had wanted to stay at 6pm with people I knew really well then that would be different to people I only said hello to. However it's just a fashion this sleepover thing, it's all the 'thing' now but it's not actually a developmental need Sleepovers can be fun of course but in this instance in Emy's situation it is clearly eminently sensible parenting to not let your kids go to the house overnight of almost complete strangers!

sleepingsowell · 19/11/2010 13:29

ooh not 6pm but 6yo!

ChippingIn · 19/11/2010 13:33

Sleepovers are not 'a fashion' - I'm 'old' and we had sleep overs when we were kids!

I think that if you child wants to do something (whatever that is) and the only thing that is stopping you letting them do it, is not knowing the parents well enough - then you should make an effort to get to know them.

sleepingsowell · 19/11/2010 13:38

Oh I must be older than you then chipping

I agree with you - if your child desperately wants to do this then it is sensible to get to know people better - we're saying the same thing, you're not saying "let your six year old go and stay with someone you don't know at all it's fine!"

piscesmoon · 19/11/2010 13:43

It depends entirely on the DC and whether they want to do it.

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