to cut off all possibility of a joint party

[Fibilou]

DD and DN are very close in terms of birthday. They will both be 1 soon. When they were born SIL and ILs made a great song and dance about "we can have joint parties !" [puke]
I find the idea of this ghastly, SIL and I couldn't be more different and I categorically do NOT want to start joint parties. I love hosting parties and I want to do things my way (yes I am a bossy, controlling, demanding perfectionist madame lol). And I want to throw a party for my DD, not a party for DD and DN. Furthermore SIL is tight as a badger's bum and we would end up shelling out most of the money, year after year. DH knows my feelings and has no real opinion so we are going with my preference.
AIBU to order invitations for her birthday and send them out now without advising ILs so we do not even have to discuss the potential of a joint party ?

I will obviously be inviting them though !!!!!!!

YANBU, you do your dd's party however you wish, try to give plenty of notice though and be careful about the venue or they will either claim it clashes or hijack.

that sounds like a good solution to me

YANBU. Do it!

I don't think you are being unreasonable, unless you think they would be hugely offended and it would cause a big fight, and you'd rather avoid that.

Set the ground rules this year, and then if you do decide to have a joint one in the future for any reason, it can be the exception rather than the rule.

why are you having a party for a one-year old?

Sounds like a good plan. Just because sil suggested something doesn't mean you have to agree - and I can see why you might not want to have A Discussion...

Been there got the tshirt. Best policy is to be honest and say I love organising parties, do you mind if we dont have a joint one? Shes hardly going to force you into having one.

Definitely dont go down the route of doing it behind her back as that is how she'll see it.

but it hasn't been properly discussed, just a "wouldn't it be nice" if they get funny just say that it hadn't been brought up so you started to organise your DDs party, sorry if they got offended but it didn't occur to you that it would be a problem.

oh god this is such a pain. DN and DS were born on the same day a year apart. Dh´s family (mainly SIL) were super hyped about the joint bday party potential which i, like you, just didn´t want. I think its lovely for them to have their own special day, why should they share?

quite, cat64, I don't want to be bundled in with people I don't now just so we can have a joint party. And it never has actually been "discussed" so I could just look surprised if anyone mentions it and claim to not remember

For interest, DD and DNeph were born 23 hours apart

2 Mothers at my DDs school fell out big time over a joint party...one was as tight as a badgers bum and the other was not...one Mum was in charge of entertainment and the other in charge of food...the one in charge of entertainment paid for the hall and a good entertainer and the other paid for a few bowls of cheapo crisps and jam sandwiches!

Not friends anymore!

YANBU but it all sounds a bit joyless. Joint party - ghastly!! Think it could be lovely and quite sweet. Why not do 2 parties - one for DD - exactly what you want and one for both. Everyone likes a party.

My advice about joint parties would be don't do it! I did one for my DD a few months ago, having been shoehorned into it by the other child's mum. And - surprise surprise- I ended up doing most of the organising and paying for most of it. The other child's family just swanned in on the day and took over.

If I were you, OP, I would just go ahead and organise the party for your DD as you see fit

She's your baby, it's the only first birthday she will ever have. Do it you way. But make sure you get the invites out in advance!