to expect more than a present for my birthday?

[MiapieMum]

I'm not meaning should i expect loads of presents or loads of money spent on me, just perhaps:

• breakfast or a cup of tea in bed.
• Maybe he could have made lunch instead of me (or at least sat at the table whilst we all finished instead of leaving as soon as he'd finished to go and sort the junk mail)
• taking the initiative to find a baby sitter so we could go out together
• not saying ' lets go out for early bird dinner tonight' when he's known for months that I have to go on a course tonight
• suggested another night when i reminded him about the course instead of just saying 'oh yeah, oh well'.
• cake? / candles?

Any one of these on its own would be lovely or anything else he could think of that showed he'd put some thought into making me feel special and loved.

He did buy me a lovely present and a card so I know I should be grateful and I am, but if i had to choose i'd rather not have money spent on a present and have the little things throughout the day like breakfast in bed or a birthday cake.

We even had words last year whilst in the supermarket when I suggested we might buy a birthday cake(when i suggested candles it became an argument!)

Am I being unreasonable to want more than just a tangible present on my birthday? To want a nice experience and feel looked after?

I get all those things, but tbh I think the reason is that when we first moved in together I told him in a way that made it pleasant for him to do iyswim. Remembering my own mum who was very good at asking my dad to do things in a negative manner (you never do X, Y and X).

Pottonista- that is awful about your Dp's 18th.
My husband always hated Christmas based on his own family experience. Everyone had to squeal and gush when they opened their presents- once, when he was 6, he opened a present and thanked his aunt of it, but his mum didn't hear and insisted he repeat the thankyou. Husband refused (even aged 6 he had guts) and was sent to bed for entire day with no food!!!!
Nowadays, the fact that I always give him a calm happy Christmas is about the only thing he still loves me for!

OP - perhaps your husband is basing your b'day on what his mother used to expect? Maybe she used to sniff in derision at cups of tea and only have an eye for the present? I do know that it is awful when people expect you to behave in a way that you just can't deliver, so it might be kinder to just accept dh's offerings happily.

birthdays are for kids in this house.

Fibilou: "if you have to give them a 5 point manual on how to be romantic, it's not really romantic is it ?"

You've got it spot on there! It's taking the initiative that makes you feel special, isn't it? DH never takes the iniative on ANYTHING - we would never go on holiday or go out together if I didn't organise it myself. If he actually arranged a surprise weekend away somewhere or even just a bunch of flowers I would be suspicious he was having an affair and it was a guilt thing!

So, OP, count yourself lucky! There are less thoughtful men out there than your DH, at least he got you a lovely present.