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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be raging angry at my dh who has just pretended that I smoke at 8 mths pregnant

30 replies

PutChilliInHisKecks · 18/11/2010 12:38

I will be brief.
Dh is an all round a good egg.
His parent s are v. strict/religious/hate me- mixed faith marriage (get the picture)
He does stand up to them mostly but when it comes to his parents, well he is a sap and I think he is a bit scared of them.

We knew they were coming round earlier this was arranged as it's his mother's birthday.

They came slightly earlier than they had said.

My dh asked me to do him a favour and empty out and hide the ashtray.

I go to the bin (outside front of the house- he usually smokes in the back garden) and am confonted in all my resplendant pregnant glory with the PIL's who look at the soggy fags, them me, and start to rant.

Dh comes outside to see all the fuss and shhes them, tries to change the subject not once admitting the fags are his and it's HIS filthy habit.

have to endure the next hour and a bit looking at their cat's bum mouths, tutting and going on about how disgusting mothers are who push prams with a fag hanging out of their mouths.

I am staggered that I didn't explode, this is not like me, I am quite direct and in no terms a push over.

I have been in tears telling my friend on the phone and she's says that IANBU and that I should make him grovel and go back to thier house with Dh and get him to fess up or alternatively to put chilli oil in his boxers.

P.S. This is not my log in it is my friend's, I am not trying to stir up a fight as a troll

OP posts:
mumeeee · 18/11/2010 12:41

YANBU. He needs to admit to his parents that it is him who smokes and not you. He also needs to apolagize to you.

PutChilliInHisKecks · 18/11/2010 12:41

He is not 13 FFS! Grrrrr.

OP posts:
alphamummy · 18/11/2010 12:42

I assume you are an adult and your DH is an adult? Why on earth did you not simply say "I dont smoke?"

I can understand you being upset but you should have told them straight.

p.s - your DH is a spineless git

Hassled · 18/11/2010 12:42

You have a friend who happened to have the log in name PutChilliInHisKecks? That was convenient.

Yes, of course your DH should fess up. Why adults still keep their smoking a secret from their parents is beyond me. It's a horrible habit, but it's not up there with smoking crack or whatever, is it? It's legal, he's an adult, he's making you look shit.

maktaitai · 18/11/2010 12:42

OK. why are you not telling all this to him and getting him to man up to his parents? don't dissipate the fury on here, get on it!

PutChilliInHisKecks · 18/11/2010 12:43

Alphamummy I have no idea. My mind is boggling, I think I may have panicked. I went all red and hot and it felt like it was my fault. I cannot explain it.

OP posts:
roundthehouses · 18/11/2010 12:43

I´m with alphamummy - of course he was being a twat and YANBU but at the same time why on earth didn´t you say something yourself?!

kreecherlivesupstairs · 18/11/2010 12:44

I would have been furious. I am a smoker, but my parents know.
He is a spineless knob IMVHO and you should make him either visit or phone to let them know he is a chuffer.
What did he hope to acheive by this action, it certainly wasn't designed to aid family harmony given your history with them.

PutChilliInHisKecks · 18/11/2010 12:45

Hassled no that wasn't it. I wrote that down as I couldn't think of anything else to put after she made the suggestion to me.

Dh has gone off on a drive /guiltyness talking//

OP posts:
pottonista · 18/11/2010 12:48

YANBU. He shoud first apologise for making you look like an evil cancer hag just to cover his cowardly arse, and then go and fess up to his horrible parents.

ChippingIn · 18/11/2010 12:49

What a twat. When he gets home, ring his parents, tell them DH has something he needs to tell them and hand over the phone. If he doesn't do it, call them back - repeat... until he tell them.

PutChilliInHisKecks · 18/11/2010 12:50

It was awful in a bad sitcom way, with me being incredibly sarcastic to dh the entire time they were with us.

Hormones, it must be.

OP posts:
maktaitai · 18/11/2010 12:52

What, his hormones?

Why aren't you shouting at him yet?

Inertia · 18/11/2010 12:52

Well, he is being an arse, clearly. But why on earth didn't you just tell them they'd got the wrong end of the stick ? (And why clear up after him and his filthy habit in the first place ?)

He needs to call his parents and explain the misunderstanding .

gobbledegoop · 18/11/2010 12:52

i too am a bit confused as to why you didn't simply say "i don't smoke"....

ratspeaker · 18/11/2010 12:56

Why didn't you just say it's not me?
Why touch a horrible ash tray in the first place, get him to dump the thing outside himself.
His smoking
His ashtray
His problem

A weeks worth of foot massaging and fussing over you is rewuires, at the very least

fatlazymummy · 18/11/2010 12:58

Even if you did smoke it would be absolutely nothing to do with his parents.They have no say over what you decide to put into your own body, pregnant or not.
You should point that little fact out to them too.

PutChilliInHisKecks · 18/11/2010 13:00

I have already said I don't know what came over me, I don't know what else to say, the words just didn't come out.

I am not scared of them and never have been in fact I'm the only person ever to have screamed , shouted and argued with MIL!

Now that I am a bit calmer I want to call them but suspect that they will tell me that they know that dh is just covering for me to be a gent.

OP posts:
AlpinePony · 18/11/2010 13:04

I can understand you couldn't find the words at the time - but you say yourself "for the next hour and a bit" - seriously? [confused} You couldn't find the words for "they're not mine".

PutChilliInHisKecks · 18/11/2010 13:12

I know!!!!!

I am going to poke myself in the eye now.

OP posts:
AlpinePony · 18/11/2010 13:13

Put your ciggie out first Wink - although I suppose it would cauterise the wound.

harassedinherpants · 18/11/2010 13:16

Yes he's a gutless idiot and should 'fess up!!

Also, is he going to continue smoking in the house when the baby arrives??

He sounds an idiot.

theevildead2 · 18/11/2010 13:20

assuming this real If your husband is going to act like a child treat him like a child.

Call up DH's mummy and daddy and tattle on him.

Maybe that will scare him in to giving up the disgusting habit before your baby is born. Hopefully he isn't smoking in the house anyway.

DuelingFanjo · 18/11/2010 13:23

I would have told trhem as soon as they started ranting!

PheasantPlucker · 18/11/2010 13:28

I don't understand why a) you had to empty his ashtray or b) why you never just said 'your son smokes, not me'