To think that pushiness has gone too far...

[beeline]

Two examples lately of hideous pushiness lately - one by sadly what I thought of as a friend - loudly exclaiming to our drama teacher her pleasure and thanks to her for giving her daughter such exceptional marks in a recent drama exam that I later found out my daughter was nominated for but we were never told about...

Secondly my dh told me that another friend had 'nominated' her daughter to be class prefect in a loud conversation to their class teacher who'd agreed and is now showing off her badge.

Are these actions really pretty nauseating or is it me? I thought pushiness just ended at extra coaching / activites? Frankly it makes me feel these mother's can't be mentally healthy...

Not sure that the first one is pushiness as such, her daughter got good marks, surely that was praise? I'd just be annoyed you weren't told about the exam!

I don't think it's "pushy" it sounds a bit insecure to me...The need for everyone to know how well her DD is doing smacks of someone desperate for approval and adulation!

"I don't think it's "pushy" it sounds a bit insecure to me...The need for everyone to know how well her DD is doing smacks of someone desperate for approval and adulation!"

What, like posting on a public forum and seeking the agreement of total strangers?

I think the desperation for approval and adulation sound accurate given this circumstance... many thanks this has helped put it in context, just weird behaviour though...

Clicked on thread thinking it was going to be about Kate Middleton's mother, or something

I don't think the first mother you mentioned was pushy, but I do think the second one was. If I read it correctly it sounds as though she was telling the teacher to make her dd a prefect and the teacher then had to agree.

But then it's possible DH didn't hear all the conversation/mis-reported it to you, although if the mother has a reputation for pushiness it's easy to see why you think that.

I think after some thought there is a big difference between 'being involved ' and helping your child with their reading/writing etc and moving directly to try and influence a teacher.

Maybe I should be looking more at this and how teachers deal with it...

Any teachers out there wish to comment?

I don't doubt that some parents will try to influence teachers, especially by making a nuisance of themselves. In which case some teachers may do something just to get rid of them. Although with the second example you mentioned, beeline, the child might not have been prefect standard, but perhaps the teacher wished to put her in the position of 'having to step up to the plate' and thus demonstrate whether or not she could do it.

As a voluntary class assistant, I heard the odd dispute between teacher and parent, sometimes about behaviour, sometimes about attainment. In most cases I would say the parent was deluded into thinking their child was better than they actually were.

Many thanks for your feedback - instinctively I have noticed it is the same mothers bothering my daughter's teacher at pick up, and can empathise, as the main priority must be just to let the children home safely which you cannot do if hounded by a clutch of mothers.

I have a friend who is lovely but she finds letting her children go into the care of teachers really hard.

She knows she is controlling and often says she must drive them nuts but feels she has to discuss every little thing that has happened with the teacher at the beginning of end of the day.

It's all born out of a fear of failure and need to be constantly told that she is a good mother and that her child is doing well but she gets that at some point she is going to have to trust the professionals to do their job.

Her heart is in the right place and all she wants is the best for her child but this transmits into constantly badgering the school about everything that doesn't go the way she thinks it should even down to the way in which they teach certain subjects.

We've discussed it and she is totally aware that her behaviour is over the top but just can't let things go.

What I'm getting at is that often what appears to be pushiness or interference is just a parent who wants the best for there child but doesn't know when to stand back.

And GuardianReader I don't think there is anything wrong in asking others opinions as long as you don't always expect them to agree with you and I don't think anybody who posts on AIBU expects that for one minute