stupid cousins ex GF!!! Grrrrr

[CrazyPlateLady]

It is nothing to do with me, although the amount of bloody detail that is posted on facebook makes the whole world involved but I am so pissed off on my cousins behalf.

He is 21 and has become a single dad. His DS is 1.11. His ex got pregnant at 16. My cousin didn't think she should keep the baby, she was adamant she wanted to. Baby was born and somehow the job centre convinced/pressured the exGF that she had to get a job.

She started, full time but apprentiship (sp?) wages. Made new friends and left my cousin at home with the baby. He is happy to do this. She came and went as she pleased. Doesn't ever do anything with her son, goes out on the piss like any other 18 year old with no thought of her son at all. She has finally moved out of the flat after refusing to go (they had split a while ago but where still living together).

Now she is moaning about having no money, but is out drinking all the time and she also isn't paying anything for her son. She has also been going round to all her new mates telling them what a crap dad my cousin is and they have been phoning him and telling his how crap he is (shows their mentality when he is the one who looks after his son 24 hours a day while the mother doesn't give a toss, and they say he is a crap parent).

I don't think my cousin is perfect, not by a long shot and he can be a bit funny towards me and doesn't always listen to advice. But I feel sorry for him. The jobcentre has been on at him for ages to get a job even though he has been at home with his son, the benefits have only just been moved into his name though, they were previously paid to the mother.

He isn't very intelligent, which sounds awful but its true. It wasn't until he was about to leave primary school that they realised he could barely read or write (his behaviour was always bad and he was sent out a lot, I think it may have been partly down to frustration at not being able to do it). His grammer and spelling etc on facebook are truely awful and this is after he looks up spellings and that on google.

His ex has said she wants her DS for 3 days every weekend but we all know that isn't going to happen as she likes going out too much and was complaining recently when she 'had' to look after her DS for 1 night while my cousin went away for his 21st birthday.

I know it is nothing to do with me and I don't always agree with certain things about my cousin but I feel really sorry for him now. How dare her friends phone him and tell him that he is a crap dad when she fucks off and does as she pleases!!

BTW, my mum left me at the age of 4 so in situations like this, I get very angry.

YANBU. She sounds like a right piece of work, and he is best off without her! Can the CSA get money off her through her Apprenticeship placement?

It sounds to me like they are both quite young and it might be an idea to insist that one or other set of GP is around whenever she has contact. I have visions of her popping out for a couple of drinks at the pub with a 2 year old left at home on his own... Or taken with her...

I messaged my cousin about it. He said she has a day off work today but she wants to see her boyfriend rather than her DS. He also has to go and have an operation soon and she is suppose to be having her DS for a week. Don't know whats going to happen there.

I have a friend who works for the CSA so my cousin has asked me to find out any info that he needs to make a claim. She is about to start a full time job with a full time wage so she is about to have no excuse not to pay anything. Apparently she would come in from work and just sit and text her mates all night on her phone. I have heard enough from other family members and seen enough on facebook to know that it isn't just my cousin slagging off his ex, she really does seem to have no interest in looking after her child at all.

Where she has moved to is right across the road from my cousins mum so I imagine she will keep an eye but she is also worried that she is going to get the DS dumped on her everytime the ex wants to go out.

Recently (when they were together, it was always on and off) the ex was planning a surprise 21st for my cousin but she turned around to my aunt and told her that someone from our side of the family had to take the DS home at 8 so she could go out with her mates. I thought that was a bloody cheek as our family would have wanted to stay at our own family members 21st party!!

Across the road could work to your advantage although it may be a pita for a while.

I would suggest you keep a diary of all her behaviour - choosing bf over ds, ignoring him while she texts etc. And with your cousin's mum (your aunt?) over the road and "willing" to babysit every time, you can build a strong case against her.

If someone came to me at work (particularly as a youth worker) and told me this was happening to their neighbour/kid brother/baby cousin, I would be straight onto Social Services for advice because it sounds like Neglect, which is one of the main forms of abuse. They wouldn't take the baby off your cousin, but they could provide support for him and the rest of you family and, with the diary you keep of her behaviour, he has a very strong case for full custody.

Good luck, I really hope things work out for everyone

She isn't going to be across the road from me and I think we are jumping the gun a bit with the whole abuse thing. I don't think she would actually leave her child alone for a minute, she isn't that stupid but getting her to actually look after him the first place is probably going to be a harder thing to do, and she can't be done for abuse for refusing to look after her DS.

I don't see my aunt sitting and making a diary. If my cousins ex needs anything, I have no doubt that she will be straight across the road anyway with some excuse.