I feel I'm not but I know I probably am BU

[TheLadyEvenstar]

I have to attend a parenting support group every wednesday so far it has been okish!

Tonight was my turn to do a presentation of my special things and say why I would be passing them onto my children when they were older.

Anyway I took a photo of my Grandad, a lock of my dads hair and a 3" teddy bear.

I spoke about my Grandad with pride, explaining how he was so special to me and how proud I was of him.

I then took the teddy out and started talking, I hardly got into the explanation of it before I said "I can't do this" and walked out sobbing.

You see the teddy was mine and when my dad was ill in hospital I took it to him, he held it in his hand for 3m solid, until the day he died.

I just broke down, and now I am so embarrassed that I was crying in front of people.

I know its not really an AIBU I just needed to say it.

have a hug. Poor you. Of course YANBU.

Oh love, I know it's not the MN thing to do but I wish I could give you a big hug. I am so sorry to hear that you lost your Dad.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I do understand why you feel embarrassed, I think most of us dislike feeling fragile and vulnerable with people we perhaps don't know that well. But you may just find that the others in your group will be very sympathetic and will understand something of your feelings of loss and grief. If you can bear it it may be quite helpful for you to return and speak of what happened with the people in your group. Don't shut yourself away, your feelings are very human and natural.

I didn't go back in tonight but one of the ladies there text me and said she hoped I was ok and see me next week.

I just felt like such a fool tbh.

I fely I should have been able to cope because it was 7years ago. I don't know why but I felt so alone tonight when I was faced with this presentation.

it was a support group not a job interview :)
Not surprising you were emotional, no one will think badly of you

Stealth thats the thing, I don't normally show my emotion. As I said to the woman who runs it " I really don't have time to deal with my emotions I have so much more to be getting on with"

I just cope and get by iyswim?

It felt like I was in the firing line standing there in front of everyone

Have you been able to speak of your feelings around your Dad's death with anyone prior to this - friends, family, a counsellor?

Sometimes grieving is like this. We think we've dealt with the worst of it but at an unexpected time and place the grief and loss rises up again to meet us...

Doesn't matter if it was 7 months or 7 years, you lost your dad and it is one of the saddest things in life. It's good you want to pass on that love you have for him. Your kids will feel that for you too

Please don't feel bad, showing feelings is a good thing.

Booty, I had the chance but was not ready for it. Then I felt it was time to move on and just get on with things.

The hardest thing is realising that after 23yrs of being disabled and overcoming every obsticle including cancer a nurse came along and overdosed him. Thats the hardest thing - he was meant to be coming home 2 days after he died.

I really don't think I will ever stop feeling so lonely and sad. I want to think about him and laugh but all I do is think and want to cry.

Perfumed I can't think about that because that means thinking that one day they will feel like I do now.

Perhaps it might be time to deal with your emotions... I guess that being in a situation where you had to reflect on your experience meant that the feelings that had been kept at bay suddenly had an opportunity to rise to the surface. They were always there but you were perhaps previously able to keep them pushed down with the busyness of your life...

I am concerned that if you don't work through your feelings you are at risk of getting depressed. And this will be worse for you [and your children].

Please consider talking to someone about your feelings of loneliness and sadness. Your GP should be able to help, should be able to refer you to a bereavement counsellor.

Please don't struggle alone with this.

Booty you got that right!!

I threw myself into DS1 when dad died, and then when I had DS2 3 yrs ago I started to topple and so I threw myself into him as well.

Booty, I spoke to my GP before and he presribed anti depressants. thats his solution.

I am sorry to hear that your GP has not been more helpful... Although antidepressants may be useful if you feel that depression is getting on top of you? However I am a big believer in also accessing counselling alongside medication.
I would recommend Cruse Bereavement Care in the first instance. They provide a telephone helpline 0844 477 9400 and also their trained volunteers can offer face-to-face support. Please have a look at their website www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
I think you might find their information on the grieving process helpful and reassuring, in that what you are experiencing is normal and needing some support is very natural.

booty thankyou I dont know what to say

If you can bear to please let us know how you get on. Will be thinking of you.

Booty, I will call them tomorrow and I will let you know how I get on.

I have had all thoughts going through my head since I got home, and am feeling very low.

And possibly very selfish as well. I have 2 boys to think of and should be doing so

Please don't be too hard on yourself. I think that some difficult feelings are coming to the surface and you are bound to feel low. But by tackling them with some support you will I feel be doing the best possible thing for both yourself and your two boys.
I will be going to bed now but will check again tomorrow to see if you have posted - no pressure if you haven't but just want you to know that I will be keeping you in mind.
You try and get some sleep too okay. The morning will be the start of a new day...