AIBU? No you are...I think or is it me?

[AlisonDubois]

Long story, but to cut it short(ish)...DH always goes on hol every year with his mates golfing for 3 days. Okay, you might think, but there's also lots of booze and apparently karaoke.
Anyway, he has recently sprung it on me that they will not be going to same place as always for, but are now going somewhere else for 4 days. So he will leave the house at 8am Friday and return 8pm Monday.
Bit pissed about this so I thought about booking Disneyland Paris for me and 3 DC's, on the same date.
Tols DH about this when he had finalised his plans, and he laughed at me. This made me so mad I actually booked it... and he went mental! Could not believe that I was going to take them there without him. I was like 'what the F**k. He goes on this holiday every year...no kids, 1 kid, 2, 3, whatever...he has not missed. And he says it's not really a holiday...because playing golf is hard work! I'm like 'do me a favour'.
Anyway, he thinks I'm wrong and I said come with us then and forget the golf, but he won't.
So am going without him. Who is being unreasonable?
Must add that this is just one area of contention between us atm regarding parenting responsibilities, so is he just pissed off because of everything or is it just this?

Bloody hell - he's being an unreasonable loon. You can tell him that from me. And go to York for 2 days - one day is never enough. He'll cope.

y'know, I am going to be so pissed off if in 25years we are still seeing that men like this exist! If my DS turns out to be a chauvinistic twunt like yours I will be livid - but I will also be doing my best to ensure he doesn't!

OP - YANBU. He is being a selfish, childish idiot - and as for golf holidays being "hard work" - HHHHHHHHHHHHAAAHAAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!

If I were you I would also get "stuck" in York for an extra day - the DC will be fine, they can survive quite well for a couple of days without proper food and teethcleaning/bathing etc. Give him a taste of what you have to deal with.

Actually, you are being VERY VERY unreasonable.

There will be Karaoke.

Tis not a holiday.
Tis torture.

He'll need a spa break when he comes back.

Actually, he'll need a year off to recover. Or even 18 years. And a bachelor pad. And no parental responsibilities.

Yep yep, go, leave him to it.

What on earth possessed him to want to be a parent if he can't, y'know, parent? He's put out about you going to Disney, but can't cope with Drayton Manor. He sounds a bit precious and childish imho.

DH is desperate for me to go off for the day so he can have some proper alone time with DD. The most we've managed so far is an afternoon while he takes her up to watch his hockey team play while I stay at home in the bath.

Have a lovely time in York!

at nonnomum - glad your post turned out to be like that! It only shows the first line in Threads I'm On...

Thought I was going to get a slapping there for a minute.
Yes he is precious about his spare time, no he does not do parenting well, and am beginning to think I would be happier on my own with my lovely DC's

D'you know what?
He sounds fucking awful.

Either that, or you are going to have to get tough and start leaving yoru DC with him one day every now and then so he gets more used to it. No reason why he should be the only one to get time off!!

How old are your DC, btw?

Also, yes I realise tha going to Disneyland Paris will be hard work with 3 young kids, but why should they miss out.
DS1 is always coming home from school telling us about XY &Z in his class having hols in foriegn climes, so why shouldn't mine?
It's not their fault their father would rather play golf with his mates than take them on hol is it? or AIBU?

You know YANBU on that last point

Good on you to get away instead of being stuck at home while he 'works' on his golf course and singing style. Maybe you could pass your new york trip off as 'work' ha ha

How can someone justify saying that golf is not a holiday but hard work? I just don't geddit.

Oh yes...he's not there to enjoy himself himself,he's there to win...as he puts it.

YA both BU. and sounds like you have bigger problems.

You book a three day holiday with your mate - perfectly fair that you get time off too.

So hairytriangle, why AIBU?

Because it seems from your OP that you are playing tit for tat a little bit, with each other.

tit for tat,how exactly?

Practical suggestion Alison, could you get a friend to come along with you to Disney?

I do think you need to leave DH with the kids a bit more though. Start with just a few hours and build up. He needs to see how hard it is, sounds like he doesn't appreciate you :(

Tbh if you keep avoiding letting him shun his parental duties then you're kind of 'letting him win' as he'll never have to do a thing. And the kids will end up resenting their dad.

TSC has the answer.

New York, New York.... !

Read your first post "he did this so I did that" . You've asked who is being unreasonable, I've given my opinion. Why are you now questioning me?

YANBU but he doesn't sound like the most charming of partners. Know exactly what you mean regarding going to York and feeling like crap because he'll be in a shitty mood when you get back. This is emotional blackmail and frankly emotional abuse.

If he really wants to work all week and come home and not spend any time with the kids why did he bother having them in the first place?

Sounds like he'd be happier without them.

Go to Disney, go to York but also sit down and talk to him very calmly about how all of this makes you feel. Lie and bit and tell him you understand how hard he works and how he needs the break. Seriously though this sort of thing festers unless it's brought to a head.

ps... sorry about the "he'd be happier without them" comment. It sounds really harsh but if he doesn't want to spend any time with them...

I sometimes have the sulky behaviour from dp when I go out or away without him. I now tell him and if he starts making a fuss tell him to sod off and go anyway. I offer him lots of opportunity to go away without me. Over time he is getting less sulky and making less fuss. It's like educating a toddler tbh which I know is a pathetic way to carry on with a bloddy adult. YANBU. Stick to your guns.