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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go to a hotel for the night after fight with DH?

13 replies

LilaBear · 17/11/2010 02:23

DH and I haven't had a huge blowout but we have had a continual argument for the 3 years we've been together, which springs up whenever we fight - said thing iS DH's fault and he admits this.

Generally have been feeling like he takes me for granted, doesn't treat me very well, says snarky comments like 'I've not had time off for 3 years' when I say I'm not looking forward to going to work tomorrow (I've had around a year off due to redundancy and this is a new job, I'm allowed to have a moan aren't I??), etc. etc.

I am supposed to be covering an appointment for him tomorrow but after this fight really don't feel like it. He got upset and we rowed, I am considering going to a hotel - I know it's ridiculously late. In fact I'm considering going to one tomorrow to drive the point home to him that I'm not happy about this.

AIBU to fuck off from covering for him and going to a hotel tonight or tomorrow? Namechanged as he occasionally comes on here.

OP posts:

Original poster

LilaBear · 17/11/2010 02:25

Sorry it wasn't really clear in my post what point I'm trying to drive home.

That I want to stop being taken for granted, stop being seen as having to do 100% housework and cooking, I don't want to be expected to have the attitude of 'put up and shut up', and I am so tired of the snarky comments and generally unappreciativeness (is that a word?!) that I feel.

OP posts:

Alouiseg · 17/11/2010 03:12

Go to a hotel. Definitely!

Have a night apart, some breathing space and get to the bottom of a 3 year old row.

ClimberChick · 17/11/2010 05:32

YANBU if you need a break, then take it

MassiveKnob · 17/11/2010 05:35

Yup, go to the hotel. But quick question, if you hve rowed for the entire 3 years you have been together, should you really stay together? It does not bode well for the future.

But in the meantime, yes go to the hotel.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 17/11/2010 06:44

If after 3 years, you are having the same argument over and over and over - is it really worth it?

whatever this argument is - can you not sit down and say "Look. We keep on having this same argument. Let's sit here and talk calmly until we thrash it out. We can't carry on going over the same argument for the rest of our lives."

ccpccp · 17/11/2010 07:38

YABU.

Are you sure this is about being taken for granted? Sounds more like you are deliberately looking for a fight in the hope that an excuse to not go to work will come out of it.

Rindercella · 17/11/2010 07:42

I think that after 3 years of continual argument you probably need a break.

However, I really don't think you should be moaning about starting a new job - surely it's a good thing and something to look forward to?!

NetworkGuy · 17/11/2010 07:51

Perhaps depends on whether the new job is something you want to do, or is it the nerves of it / you being new and a teeny bit uncertain about it ?

If he does no household chores and has the attitude he has about you not being allowed to express any discontent, then you need to get to the bottom of this situation.

Yes, being away overnight will make the message sink in. How important is this appointment ? Does it make a difference to him getting some business or did he make this arrangement and then find something else came up and just 'assumed' it would be OK for you to cover for him ? How often have you previously 'covered' for him in this way ?

If you have previously done so, and it affects finances, then it is a bit daft to lose business and put someone else out because of a situation not of their making.

I think you could probably disappear for a few nights to a B+B (cheaper?) and come back Friday, telling him you don't want to be treated like a carpet and if your relationship is going to have any future, then he needs to consider your views too!

Callisto · 17/11/2010 08:22

I think yabu to be moaning about your new job, especially in the current economic climate. I also think you are both being unreasonable to have argued about the same thing for 3 years (how incredibly dull).

diddl · 17/11/2010 08:36

How areyou supposed to cover an appointment if you´re at work?

NetworkGuy · 18/11/2010 19:35

Bump ... Wonder how things are going at home ?

anonymosity · 18/11/2010 19:57

I agree with Hectate. And I'm a strong believer of "don't go to sleep on a fight, make peace first"

It sounds like a bit of a drag having the same row for 3 yrs running. You need to both talk it out and put it behind you.

2rebecca · 18/11/2010 21:08

I'm not sure what 1 night in a hotel will achieve apart from making you poorer. I'm also not sure what the relevence of the new job is.
If you've argued for the past 3 years you sound incompatible and should be talking about separation. More talking not sulking in a hotel is what is needed.
If you see everything as his fault then the relationship is doomed, whether everything is his fault or not. I'm not sure why you let it drag on for 3 years.

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