AIBU to expect DH to help sort house before DD2 arrives?

[slothzilla]

Good morning mumsnet - first thread i have done (not first post but have namechanged through shame) so please be gentle.

Bottom line - am 38 weeks pregnant and have one child at school. Worked part time, been on maternity leave last four weeks.

Live abroad so no family and have acquaintances but noone close enough to ask to help me clean.

Am old and have had a difficult and knackering pregnancy, dreading the birth. My DH is also knackered works 8-8 mon-fri and has had to travel a lot. Job stressful and he is depressed.

My house is a tip. I have just read another thread with flylady crisis cleaning which i will try and do 2moro but i have acid reflux and insomnia and often to my guilt and shame end up catching up sleep during day then panicking again. Have also had contractions off and on since Thursday hopefully hicks but not sure.

Can do bits at night but due to noise laws - no noise between 10 and 7 here - can only do so much.

Heating is a problem - have just bled radiators - but will need to call out a plumber and it's too untidy re access points.

DH will be taking time off after the birth to do school run but right now priority should be getting house straight for plumber and midwife visits post birth and a hygienic setting for newborn surely?

He keeps saying it will all be okay but it looks like Beirut - i keep asking him how? How will it be okay? to which he has no answer...i think he expects me to suddenly have a burst of energy and clean for Great Britain when i am knackered and cold and have shooting pains high up in my bajingo.

So AIBU and WWYD? Apologies in advance if this should be in rant/vent/chat.
Thanks for listening

YABU if he is suffering from depression and works 8-8 he's in no better position than you for doing the housework

yanbu. Obviously he will need leave after the birth but can he take a day off or help blitz it at the weekend?n

Teamwork makes the dreamwork (as my slightly bonkers sister always says).

Make a list of the jobs and split it between you.

Can you bribe your DC to help?

Can you afford a cleaner for a day? If you do it over a weekend, you are both more likely to get involved if you're paying someone. If you can't afford it, have people asked you about gifts for the baby? Could you suggest money towards getting a cleaner?

Where are these noise laws? Does that mean no noise at all?

And, breathe... The baby wont care as long as you are fine and it has a clean place to eat and sleep. Can you ask your DH to do very exact things... Mine was told (around week 36) that I was no longer capable of cleaning a bathroom. He then cleaned the bathrooms. I wouldnt clean at night. Relax, read a book and rest. Get DH to call a plumber and clear around the rads. Decide what is important, what has to be done, what you can do and the rest, talk to DH and explain why.

Good luck with the birth. Im 40 weeks tomorrow and cant wait!

Poor you, can you employ someone to come in and give you a hand? Personally wouldn't care what house looked like for plumber and midwife they are coming to your home for specific reasons not to check out if its clean and tidy.

Is your DH any good at housework or is he just goning to get in the way. Perhaps suggest that over the next few days/weeks however long you have that each evening you both spend an hour trying to sort 1 room at a time.

Good luck

@huddspur - no,i know and that's what makes it worse...so wwyd?
@meglet - he has conferences this week and next and on the due date so difficult. At the weekends he will grudgingly help only once I am up and trying to wade through it but usually only when ww3 has broken out. We made some progress at the weekend i.e. a tidy lounge but time is running out. DD did some mopping bless her but more water on floor than anywhere else.
@loopyloops - live in Germany: officially no noise at all. Very thin walls to flat - neighbour has complained to me in past but is very patient considering.
I will go and creep around doing some stealth tidying now rather than whinging. The clutter has to go first before a cleaner could see the floor but I need to google German blitz companies...don't know of a merry maids type place here. The odd cleaner for one job hard to find due to tax/insurance laws/being paid cash in hand serious consequences for both parties. Sorry - the culture here is a nightmare when it comes to trying to find a quickfit solution.

Back in 3/4 hr thanks for replies so far x

Hello again. The acid reflux is now upon me and i only have uht milk in dammit.
Have just been trying to stack/away DDs arty farty shite off the table. Everywhere I stand is a creaky scooby doo floorboard.

Tried to find a german deep clean service - no luck so far, will have to ask the german chat forum for advice. That said have never used a cleaner in the UK cos I would have been too ashamed and would have had to declutter/clean first but would use one here to go over my crap surface wiping if i can find one. It will be my own xmas present to myself tbh.

The irony is i have been a deep cleaner 3 summers as a student as has my DH so although at moment we live like Wayne and Waynetta I do know whaat needs to be done and how. I just lack the energy. And for some reason lots of the german cleaning fluids are eco not bleachy. I need the germinator!

@Katey101 Good luck with your birth. Cleaning at 2am isn't too sensible you are right (and we have hot water issues too).
DH knows the issues with cleaning products germs ventilation and and and but as huddspur pointed out he's not in a better position right now mentally/physically.

@KT1324 thanks, i will need it! Baby needs a warm house more than anything and a mum who is not constantly ill. But i do worry about midwife visits as the german system is quite judgemental. The plumber needs access and will trip up right now. DH is not useless, he will admit to being lazy/not liking chores so will never be pro-active/actively seeking out housework but who the buggery likes cleaning? (except for someone's mum on a thread who I would happily adopt).

Will try and be more upbeat tomorrow. Cheers.