Resist peer pressure in reception children?

[Karuna13]

DS1 started in reception class this September and the settling in period has gone brilliantly.

But .... although I'm not a hugely strict mum there are things I have strong views on .... like not feeding DS lots of sugary snacks, or encouraging violent gun related play.

But now what I'm hearing from DS is, 'but why can't I have chocolate in my snack box at school, everyone else does' and he's developing a keen interest in light sabres, bombs and weaponry fuelled by seeing the other kids' toys and discussions at school.

Am I being unreasonable to stick to my guns (so to speak!) or am I traumatising DS1's social life by doing this?! ..... or does this whole issue have 'precious first born' written all over it!

What things would you stick to your principles over??

I agree, Princessparty, I think having a small piece of fruit as the mid-morning snack isn't enough. Pity they can't eat nuts because of nut allergies, as they are high calorie and very nutritious. But I am surprised that this particular school allows chocolate, as many schools have bestowed 'healthy status' on themselves by banning such items, and really over-react to the sight of chocolate. I do think if they don't eat enough in the day, they snack on crap at 4pm, you make a really valid point.

My DC have all tried the 'but EVERYONE has chocolate, and crisps, and cake, and sweets, in their lunch box'. And you know what, everyone else's DC use that line too. Your child may not necessarily be telling the truth.

n.b. There will always be one child with a junk filled lunch box. And your child will focus on this.

Could it be that there are lots of Birthdays early in the school year? So lots of birthday treats? DCs school did ban them under one head, the new one allows them again.
The healthy eating rules are a bit silly as the kitchen can't use chocolate but can use coco powder, so you can have chocolate cookies but not chocolate chip cookies.
Mine haven't had guns, except water pistols, and my son is very non-agressive (he just is). But kids will always pick something up during their first few weeks at school to annoy you. With DS it was the word "bum", which being used 100x a day led to it being banned.

Just wait until its what everyone else has been bought is allowed to do. Oh and some kids do get given junk that doesn't mean you have to (teacher friends have told shocking stories of what is in some poor kids lunch boxes on trips).

i think these are your views and just stand your ground. my dd aslo says but so and so, etc.

i just tell her all mums do things differently and these are our rules. however I do think at times as children get a little older it is important to allow them to explore thier own values, so I am most often able to listen to her if she has a reasonible request and we come up with a compromise i do try. ie no high sugar/salt bar of choc but maybe find a healthy snack that will fit within your standards that may contain some choc.

On the guns i dont know as I dont have ds and dd showed no interest. im not keen on some of the bratz or barbie etc and make up. but i do allow my dd to have barbies and some non coloured lip balms. as long as I can instil in her other ways through discussion that some things are not appropriate for age and reasons why it is not nice to wear make up etc.

I don't think you're babying him at all. If you don't encourage them to enjoy their childishness it'll soon be gone.

Most boys will play guns whether they have a toy one or they have to improvise and IMO that's perfectly normal.
Like you say though, Star wars and Dr Who are for considerably older children not 4 yr olds (I'm scared by Dr Who and I'm 35!)

I've experienced very similar. Since my ds started in reception he is completely obsessed with toys- it must be the only thing those boys talk about all day. He gets hold of the Argos catalogue (which he specially asked me to get for him!) and goes through it saying "I want this, and this, and this, and this, and this". His Christmas list will have 500 things on it compared to dd (age 6) who says she doesn't know what she'd like (which leaves me with a challenge!)

He also says that lots of his friends have crisps/fizzy drinks/choc in their lunchbags, although he seems to understand that we only have that sort of thing as a treat in our house. I should totally stick to your rules as far as packed lunches goes, just explain about healthy eating.

I think it's almost impossible to stop some boys from playing wars/guns/killing games but as long as you make sure they're not exposed to violent images/TV/comp games then they won't become obsessed about it.

We wouldn't be allowed to provide chocolate as a snack - except on very special days - although things like cheese, fruit, oat bars (nut free), veg sticks, crackers etc are allowed.

However, ds (who is now 5.5 in yr1) clearly understands quite a bit about food and why we eat some things and not too much of others - so he knows that he is allowed chocolate sometimes but not too regularly as its not really very good for him - perhaps you can talk about this sort of thing with your ds, you might be surprised how much he understands and this would help him to understand that you're not being mean, you are making sure that he grows up as healthy as possible with good teeth etc...

Gun play - we don't have any at home - but it doesn't stop the 'hand' gun or sticks - we don't get too worried - it will pass.

I think you need to chill. As others have said anything can be used as a gun. Would you disapprove of a bow & arrow? My mil hates guns, but doesn't mind the wooden bow - I just don't understand that.

My dh teaches brass and all primary school boys seem to have to pretend their trumpet is a gun at some point.

My boys are not aggressive and never did much rough play, but they have had cap guns and have great fun with them at home. Are you going to ban computer games when they're older?

To make you feel better my 11 y/o dss is often taken out to play with REAL guns (well hunting, not playing apparently) by his uncle. And because we're Ukrainian that has to be fine according to the rest of the family

I looked up the 1800 estimate of calories (as someone suggested) on other sites, and other sites estimated it much lower, eg on

pediatrics.about.com/ it estimated that a 4-8 year old girl needs 1400 a day assuming they are relatively active (ie walking to school around 2 miles a day & some exercise). If sedentary ie going in car to school etc that drops to 1200.

The 1800 was at the top end of the estimate for a child walking around 4 miles a day.

Ha, ha, strawberrycake, I was also referring to an Eastern European country in which guns and hunting in picture books are quite common (pop-up book about killing animals, anyone?) Having toy guns is positively normal and so is hunting. They are not sentimental, my girls play with the rabbits, but are clear they are going to be killed for food. That's the way it is over there. In comparison, negotiating manliness in this country is a doddle...

YANBU.

I don't understand why people give in on principles just so their kids can be like someone else.

onetoomanycornettos I grew up with it but still find it odd seeing soldiers going home on the bus with their gun or people out for a stroll with one!

I'm going to go with the flow with ds, I'll make more of an issue if I say no completely. He'll just have to know when it's ok to play with toy ones (NOT EVER school....) and when he's older I'll have to make sure he knows about safety. Better he's safe than goes out as a teenager without telling me with others hunting and doesn't knwo the basic safety rules.

Of course, in many of those countries they still have military service, so the boys get to hold a gun at some point anyway...

So, in comparison, playing 'bang bang, you're dead' in the playground (as we did thirty or forty years ago) seems quite harmless to me.

Thanks everyone,

it's great to hear your point of view - a real help in getting some perspective.

I suppose it was seeing how much the children in reception want to join in with each other and be 'in the club' that was making me wonder if sticking to our principles was going to have unwanted consequences that outweighed the benefits.