To not want exH to do the same things as me with the children

[cutupmum]

OK last week I took DD to a private view of some paintings by a friend near DS uni hall and we had a lovely time and saw DS for a nice chat and went out for a meal though DS didn't come to the meal as he went out with his uni friends.
Today DS says his dad (my exH) has arranged to take him and DD to the same small exhibition and a meal tomorrow, regardless of the fact that DD has already seen it, it is a school day and DS has back to back lectures on a Tuesday and loads of essays to hand in.
I think the ex is quite simply motivated by jealousy and competition here - he cant stand the thought that I have had a happy time with the children. Am I being unreasonable to feel outraged and to wonder why on earth he cant take them out at a weekend and do something different?
What should/could I do? DD lives with ex H so he has the upper hand.

Hmm I think YABU. What they do with exH is between him and them - if they dont want to do something I'm sure they can say so to their Dad. As for the lectures/essay, he's at Uni, so is essentially grown up so its his issue, no-one elses.

Could it possibly be that you're putting your own feelings onto Ex when you say that he cant stand the thought of you having a happy time with children? Are you maybe struggling with DD living with Ex H?

Definitely not something to be outraged by - save that for waaaaaaay bigger dramas.

Just ignore it. He is probably doing it to get a reaction and the best thing is not to give it. You had a nice time and you did it first.

I guess I feel I dont have a lot of happy times so they are very precious memories to me-ex has stopped his money, going against a court order , so he is not benign.

Don't let him stop your happy memories. Just try and ignore him.

Maybe ex wants to see the exhibition?

I agree its not right that he should view the kids as equally his if hes 'stopped his money'.

At the very least he should be submitting a plan for your approval

Presumably your children are happy to see the exhibition again. No biggie.

Yabu. Does that mean he can't take them to the same shopping centre as you for Xmas shopping? Also how has he gone against a court order?

What do you mean he's "stopped his money". You say in the OP that DD lives with him

"As for the lectures/essay, he's at Uni, so is essentially grown up so its his issue, no-one elses."

exactly. Presumably he had these assignments last week when you took him out and he later went out with his mates. It's his job to find time for them.

How old is your DD?

Your DS is an adult and can make up his own mind but your ex should not be encouraging him to skive off when he has work to do.

Is your ex keeping your DD off school to go to the exhibition?

Ignore him - & your kids will soon realise (if they don't already) that he's a knob with no imagination/ideas of his own. Or perhaps they would enjoy seeing it again. You need to let it go I think.

Don't understand.

Your DS is at university and so is an adult - he can organise his own life and have as little or as much to do with his father as he likes. Your DD lives with your ex so why is he giving you money??

At least you'd already done the trip. it would be worse if you'd planned to do it and he nipped in ahead of you and stole your thunder.

OP what your ExH did on another day shouldnt in any way affect your precious memories - which are of what you did with your children. He didnt turn up and go round the exhibition with you after all.

I think it's a bit weird that he wants to take them to the same exhibition as you but maybe he has his reasons. Maybe they loved it and told him about it and now he wants to see it as well? If he is always doing stuff like this then that is weird.

"Ignore him - & your kids will soon realise (if they don't already) that he's a knob with no imagination/ideas of his own."

Why is the assumption always so quickly reached that the father / ex-h is a knob? This was instantly claimed the other day when another poster found out that her ex-h had bought their kid some nice things for either christmas or a birthday when she could not afford to do so. It was instantly assumed that this must be a power move to buy their love when there was F-all evidence of this other than the woman feeling a bit bad that she couldn't afford to buy similar gifts.

mayor - there was more to my post, but largely I assumed that POSSIBLY he was a knob with no imagination as the OP thinks he just copies her activities with the kids to annoy her. Maybe he did come up with the idea completely on his own, but I don't believe much in coincidences?

And on that other thread (if it's the one I am thinking of) I did think the Dad was a bit of a control freak as he buys his DD expensive gifts the Mum can't afford and then MAKES THE DD LEAVE THEM AT HIS HOUSE - where she doesn't live, and where she doesn't spend much time so can rarely play with them. So he wasn't really GIFTING them to his daughter was he? He was providing her with some toys to play with only when she stays with him. There is a big difference. Clearly the gifts weren't about/for the DD (if they were surely she could decide what to do with them & where to keep them) but possibly a lot about the parents relationship. Some other non-resident posters commented they kept stuff at their place as otherwise it would be destroyed/disappeared or kids would have nothing to play with when staying, but this wasn't the case with this family. Others said they were happy for toys/clothes etc to travel back & forwards with the kids - which clearly has to be the best option for the kids themselves.

What would you think of someone you didn't live with who gave YOU a gift and then said oh but you can only use it/wear it etc when you come to my place????? I'd think what a KNOB, keep your "gift" thanks

I just don't know you can read all that from a couple of posts telling one side of the story

no but I can still have an OPINION based on the info that has been shared.