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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

3 yr old on holiday with Dad for how long??

28 replies

YesIamweird · 15/11/2010 19:05

AIBU to say that one weeks holiday at a time with Mum or Dad is long enough for a 2 yr old?
The ex wants to take our daughter away for a 2 week holiday next year (she will be 2 and 10 months) and I think this is too long for her to be without either parent. I wouldn't dream of planning a holiday for two weeks at her age without her seeing her Dad.

He hasn't planned a holiday yet (has had a year and never taken her away) so not sure he is serious.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 15/11/2010 19:09

hmm i am not sure.

am trying to imagine how i would feel if for some reason my 3 yr old had to stay with dp for 2 weeks without me.

I think it'd be ok, tho I guess it depends on your circumstances
I'd be happy with it, but then I am together with my dp so that may make a difference in terms of how much time they spend together normaly.
what i mean is, if your daughter is normally only with him at weekends or something then 2 weeks together may be a bit long for her?

i am totally not helping am i???

i say, gho with your instincts. you know your child

cardibach · 15/11/2010 19:12

I kept holiidays with my child's dad to a week/10 days while she was young (I said I thought two weeks was too long, and he was fine about it - we have a good relationship). He did have her for half the summer holidays though, just in smaller segments. I can't remember how old she was when she went away for longer.

i agree with thisisyesterday - you know your child, go from there. Try not to make it a big issue/argument with her dad though if at all possible. The tension and bad feeling might be worse for her than a two week holiday.

piscesmoon · 15/11/2010 19:12

Couldn't you suggest he does a week this time and works up once she gets a bit older?

Original poster
YesIamweird · 15/11/2010 19:25

We agreed on 1 week long holidays at a mediation session and said we would look at the duration again once she was older. She is happy and well adjusted in the main but a bit clingy when she hasn't seen me for a couple of days.

He is really frustrated I think two weeks is too long for her and thinks it is because I'll miss her which of course I will but I'm planning to have a holiday of my own when he does take her away!

OP posts:
BarbaraMillicentRoberts · 15/11/2010 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarbaraMillicentRoberts · 15/11/2010 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onepieceoflollipop · 15/11/2010 19:29

It depends on the child I think.

Dh and I are still together, but dd2 (just over 3 years) is quite a "mummy's girl". If I have been working away all weekend which she is used to, she is a bit clingy with me on the Monday and given the choice would rather be with me than dh.

I think the option of 1 week with a view to building up is more than fair when talking about a child who isn't quite 3 yet.

ChippingIn · 15/11/2010 19:29

I think at almost 3, two weeks is fine, provided she normally sees quite a bit of him (weekly at least).

Original poster
YesIamweird · 15/11/2010 19:31

Don't apologise Barbara! I'm asking for opinions! Do you have experience of your children holidaying without mum or dad? How did they find it?

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 15/11/2010 20:00

I think its fine too, she's with a parent so no different than being home all week with you anyway.

IWantToBeADragon · 15/11/2010 20:03

I think aslong as she sees her dad regularly then two weeks is fine tbh

BarbaraMillicentRoberts · 15/11/2010 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LunarRose · 15/11/2010 20:08

yanbu, 2 weeks is too long

mumblecrumble · 15/11/2010 20:13

I wonder if 2 weks might be too long for him....

IWantToBeADragon · 15/11/2010 20:14

why would two weeks be two long for a dad mumblecrumble?

thisisyesterday · 15/11/2010 20:19

it depends how much time they are used to being together for!

i would find it hard to have my lot for 2 weeks without a break from dp! and we aren't even split up

JoBettany · 15/11/2010 20:35

My ex and I agreed that DS should not be away with either of us or away from either of us for longer than a week until he was 5.

It worked well for us.

mistletoekisses · 15/11/2010 20:57

YANBU.

Maybe I need to cut the apron strings a little, but I think that is far too long. I know DS1 (3.2) would not be happy gone for that long - he quite regularly stays away for a day and night with my mum, but after that length of time, he really wants to see us. I think I would be in pieces too!

CardyMow · 15/11/2010 21:10

Hmm My DS1 is almost 9yo - and his dad, and I would NEVER go more than a full week without seeing him! In the summer holidays, we do a week on, week off arrangement.

YANBU that less than 3yo means that 2 weeks away from EITHER parent is too long. Why can't he take your DD on a week long holiday?

If my ex-H and I both feel that any more than a week without seeing our DS is too much when he's nearly 9yo, there's no way either of us would have done it at that age!

CardyMow · 15/11/2010 21:11

(to clarify, DS1 stays at his dad's house overnight EVERY wednesday, every other weekend and half of all school holidays)

Wellwasi · 15/11/2010 21:16

So out of 14 nights he gets 4, If I had that little contact I'd be devastated.

Slashtrophe · 15/11/2010 21:20

I have two DC (nearly 3 and 6) and the oldest has been away with his dad twice for a week in the last two years since we split. The oldest has told me he finds a week ok but any longer he gets upset. The 3 year old imo has been too young as he spends most of his time with me usually but I think he might go next summer. Could you build up to it over time?

Original poster
YesIamweird · 15/11/2010 21:36

He has excellent contact - it's nearly 50/50 and she goes 2 nights away at a time and seems to be OK, always excited to see me and always excited to see him.

It's not that it is 2 weeks away from me, I wouldn't have dreamt of taking her away from her Dad for 2 weeks either. I think a week is plenty and a normal amount of time for a holiday, if I'd said 5 days and most holidays out there are 7 days I could see his issue! Mind you, he has had all year to take her away and he hasn't managed to yet so the chances of it happening at all are slim.

I am going to stick to my suggestion of 1 week long holidays and build it up over time. It will be easier when she can understand more about what is happening I think.

OP posts:
EricNorthmansMistress · 15/11/2010 22:26

DS has been away with DH for 2 weeks without me 3 times. He has also stayed with me without DH for longer than that. DH's family is abroad and he goes back quite a bit so it makes sense for him to take DS sometimes. The first time was weird for me but DS seemed fine, he has seemed fine every other time. he's a bit unsettled when he gets back because his routine goes out the window but he doesn't seem clingy or upset. We talk on the phone and he chats away to me quite happily. It seems a daunting length of time but I'm sure your DS will be fine. I think it's good for DH to have complete responsibility for him too, it has made him a better (more responsive) dad.

onmyfeet · 15/11/2010 23:40

I would miss my little one iiwy, but she should be ok. Maybe you can holiday with them? Grin
Perhaps you could arrange to pick her up after a week, and he can continue his holiday uninterrupted. Depending on your relationship and so on, some may suggest it is pandering to him...but if you help each other out raising her it is a possible plan.

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